Seeing quite a bit of posting on the rough economic times and how it is affecting people with anxiety and depression ... this encompasses people who also have other illnesses as well since "stress" and anxiety and overall mental well being is key in staying healthy ...

For me, it is taking the steps to get the help that is out there .. when your income is 50% of your "marortgage" and you are struggling to keep hope alive .. asking for help is not my forte .. and this is something I have struggled with these last few years .. so this morning was a difficult , but necessary step , in getting aid ..

Two phone calls, and having to share my feeling of shame with people I can't see and don't know .. while I know they are there to help , it stuffs me up with anxiety, and my head gets clouded with what was , so patiently they listen , between the sniffles and puases for air ...

But I did make the first step .. hrad as it was for me , II started the process , now I must do my share and follow through .. getting food stamps , apllying to LIHEAP for aid ... and even though I have my therapist , the young lady on the phone gave me a number for a place "Life Matters" , to seek addition counseling in coping with all of this "stuff" ...

Waves of shame, waves of self-loathe come and go .. right now fighting the want to just sleep , and making these calls to seek aid ... maybe tomorrow , when I am over this first step ..

Might have mentioned I have two elderly dogs, my babies , who I also have to be sure are getting attentio, love and care .. as with children, you see something wrong and you take the necessary steps to ensure their health is provided for .. well, my Maxx is not so well, while he outwardly doesn't have symptoms , his stool is right , and I fight the frustration of no longer being able to rush hime to a vet .. no money .. no credit .. and it hurts that I cannot tend to his physical needs ..

So, I will not be sending in my mortgage payment this month, and I will get him attended to , as his life means more to me than making Wachovia , who is already getting help , and get him the attention he needs ...

It just stinks ... no other way to say it ... and again, I heard nothing about how people like me , are going to get any relief anytime soon .. sad , if I were older maybe, but I am not ... not going to think about it now .. just focus on what I must do for myself and my babies ... agserra1