more problems with eating.

So, I think when I last wrote my boyfriend had just broken up with me. Well, we're back together now. He realized that he made a mistake and begged for me to take him back. So I decided to give him a second chance. I really hope can change like he promised me so we both can be happy together.

Something that hasn't been going too well lately is the eating disorder thing. I really hate to eat. I promised my boyfriend last night that I would eat three meals today because he was upset with me after he realized I only had about 500 calories yesterday. I figured it would be no problem just to eat something, but I'm still on my first meal and I've only eaten half an english muffin and a strawberry. I've never broken a promise to him, so I have to eat today. But I really don't want to, I feel terrible after I do. I weighed myself a few minutes ago and almost cried when I saw that I was back up to 108 pounds- I gained 2 pounds. I just want to get down to a hundred pounds and then I'll start eating again.

My boyfriend keeps telling me that I'm being ridiculous because people always talk about how skinny I am, and I know they're telling the truth but no matter what I do, I always want to lose weight when I look in the mirror. I'll never be skinny enough. Sometimes I think about making myself throw up, but I don't want to ruin my teeth.

This is so frustrating.