so I'm sitting here before I have to go to work thinking about every thing that's been going on lately. not that I'm not constantly thinking about these things.

last night I was talking to my boyfriend about how I'm struggling to not cut and he said that I should just shut up about it because it's driving him crazy. I know it's a lot to handle for him, but I thought that he at least understood that when I talk about it it's because I'm trying to keep myself from doing it. I was really close to doing it last night, but I know he'll find out and get really mad at me.

I don't ask him to try and fix all my problems, but he insists that I tell him everything and gets offended and mad at me if I try to talk about them with someone else.

He's making me go to the doctor next week for my "eating disorder" because apparently I don't eat enough. I really don't see where I have a problem anymore. 

I'm just not happy anymore. I don't want to be with him, but I don't want to be without him.

I'm terrified of when he makes me go to the doctors. I'm afraid they're going to put me away in Four Winds and then they'll ruin me like they ruined my mom when she went there.