relapse.

Hey, know exactly what you mean - I have had similar problems with my (ex)friends in the past, and its so difficult to make friends - its a vicious circle, you're afraid of getting hurt and if you're anything like me, its hard to know what to say to people when you feel bad all the time - I always feel like I'm intruding on other people's conversations so I hide in the corner and try to look like I don't care which of course makes people think I'm a snob and so they don't talk to me.  Your boyfriend seems like a good guy, so you've got one person there who really does like you and wants to spend time with you - I've known people who seemed to have lots of friends - always hanging out together but when one of them got really drunk at a party and started throwing up - all of those supposedly great friends of hers disappeared and I held her hair back and got her home - yet since then she hasn't answered a single text - my point is people who don't care about you aren't worth having as friends - you're better off with one good friend than twenty bad ones.  

I'm assuming you're starting college for the first time, and I'm not going to lie to you, it can be very scary- but its worth it, there's so many people there with lots of different interests and backgrounds - that even the positively wierd people like me can find a few friends. If it all seems a bit much, or you have trouble attending lectures always talk to a lecture or send an email if you don't feel up to seeing them - universities are usually very understanding.  Try finding a small society to join - the members are generally friendlier and more open to new members that the big ones.  You can do it, just try and take things bit by bit - and remember if you've found one person who cares you will find others, even if it takes some time, I know its hard but try to push past the fear ( and I'm being a hypocrite here 'cause I manage that maybe once a year) and you will find people who want to spend time with you.  

Hi Angel.  I do feel sad and lonely too.  What is helping is getting out, making more friends and trying new activities.  Even though I am sad I still clean my house, cook, garden, do the laundry, and on the 24th of august I'm going back to work.  Keeking a routine helps a great deal.  Try not to stay in be, change into your day clothes right away rather than staying in your pajamas.  And tell your family exactly how you feel.  Having a psychologist to meet with at least twice a month tryly helps.  and following the advice of a psychiatrist.  I read, journal, meditate and have a 30 minute massage about every 45 days.  Take advantage of free events in your area, get out of the house even if you want to stay inside.

I wish I could say something positive to lift you up, but I am in the same situation as yourself. Everything you wrote, hits home for me. I am always feel so hopeless, like I am never going to pull myself out of this shit. I have just decided to seperate from my husband, it is hard enough feeling all the hurt & pain I am in, but even worse that i hurt my husband & kids cos of the way I am. I feel like it is the best way for him, maybe he can have a happy life, even if I cant. Also, I have trouble loving anyone at the moment cos I cant even come close to loving myself.

I don't know what to do anymore, i feel so lost, I dont even know myself. I go into a fantasy world in my head & hate coming back down to reality.

Anyway, just know, you aren't alone, even when you feel like you are. I will try & take my own advise too.

Take care & feel free to get in touch to talk. bcazz.1@hotmail.com