I haven't posted in a really long time. I've been so busy with school lately that I haven't been giving myself enough time to be someone who is depressed. I've just been suppressing everything and I'm really starting to feel the negative effects of that. Its 2 in the morning, and I have a four page english paper due in the morning. I have one sentenced typed out on this stupid laptop. I've got at least 90 hours of drawing to do in the next two weeks. I have a western civ final to study for, and a 10 page paper to write. I am so behind on all of my 2-D assignments. On top of all that I have to figure out how the hell I'm going to pay rent and cable bills, buy my cat cat food and magically pull christmas presents for my family out of my ass.

Words can not express how incredibly aggravating it is to have the ability to have all A's in every single class but not achieve this because of depression. My drawing teacher says that I'm the best drawer in the class, but I'm already disappointed in myself for the way my final drawing is coming out. I'm probably going to fail my western civ class because my teacher is a nut case and the A I had in english probably has dropped down to a C by now. 

Tomorrow I have an appointment with one the school counselors but I don't know how productive it will be for me.

I will never ask for more time to finish this semester. I dragged myself here and made myself suck it up and I promised myself that I wasn't going to waste this money by flunking out of college. This is just the tip of the freaking ice berg. 

I left Mike in September because he was a lying jerk. One would think that after watching his girlfriend try to kill herself in his bathroom that he would rethink how he treats people, but apparently Mike is above that. He treated me like absolute dirt in a time when he knew I needed him the most. He lied to me day after day, and practically tormented me by calling me crazy all the time. I know I'm so much better off without him but I still feel like the whole thing was my fault. He would always ask me "Do you have any idea what you're doing to me?" But what about what he was doing to me? Destroying my self esteem and neglecting me to the point where I tried to kill myself. And now he still tries to harass me and make fun of me on campus, even though he knows that I'm likely to hurt myself because of what he does to me. I hate him so incredibly much, but I'm still heart broken because I put so much effort into that relationship and he didn't even care. 

I'm starting to wonder if school was a mistake and I'm really disappointed in myself for screwing this up.