I have been in the worse depression I have ever been through. I have come to the conclusion that I can no longer live with my husband. His constant cut-downs, mind games, and mental abuse has just became to much for me to handle. He also has a 50 year old son who lives with us, because he is disabled and has not been approved for disability as of yet. But now my husband is allowing him to talk to me like I am not a human and he has even made several verbal statements threating me that he would put me in the hospital or 6 feet under. I have adult children and if they ever talked to my husband in that manner their is no doubt he would have them arrested. I am just at the point that I can't take anymore from him or his son. My problem is that I can't figure out what options I have. I am on disability SSI and I only get $670 a month a cheap place to rent would run anywhere from $500 on up and with all my other expenses I could not afford to get a place of my own. So I am stuck. With no where to go and this man is killing me. I don't want to wake up in the mornings. I feel dread when I go to bed because I know morning will come. Thanks for listening.
Looking for friendship and Good Advice,
Michelle
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Michelle, I'm sorry you are having to live under these circumstances. I don't think you're confused - I think you know what you want, it's just a matter of figuring out how to get it. I'm wondering if your SSI wouldn't be more if you lived alone, I know it's based on income, as my son used to get it. Still, I know it isn't that much. Do you have a friend or relative you could stay with until you can figure out what you're going to do? I don't know where you live, but are there any women's shelters in your city, if worse came to worst? Are you seeing a therapist at all? I hope you are, it sounds like you really need the support right now. Maybe you could check with your county and see what resources might be available to you, such as legal aid.
I don't have any experience with this, so these are just some thoughts I had and don't know if they're helpful, but just wanted you to know that somebody is listening. Let us know what's going on, sorry you have to spend Thanksgiving feeling like this - it seems ironic that so many times we have difficulties to deal with during the holidays. I guess trouble never takes a holiday. Hope you can hang in there and find a way to get free, there has to be a way.
Thank You for your response just hearing from someone made me feel not so alone. My mother is the only family member I could stay with. But it would be very hard to stay with her because I used to be a drug addict. Most of the people who come around my moms are druggies because of my 2 sisters and son who are all in active addiction. But you know I think I will take my chances and go to my moms if it gets to rough their is a Mission I can go to. I'm kind of scared about leaving him he is a very controlling man. But maybe I can call and get a police escort if I had to. Thank you so much for responding to me. You will never no how much your words meant to me. I hope you have a wonderful, Thanksgiving! Thanks again...
Michelle
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Dear Michell, Firstly dont think of yourself in a self demeaning way coz you were addicted to Drugs, its just another way to get away from pain ! I think your Depression hasnt been in Vain this time as it seems to have made it very very clear in your mind that you can no longer put up with this very stressful situation. Even if you didnt suffer Depression or Anxiety, this is an appalling thing to have to put up with. An abusive stepson with a mental handicap because youre not on an equal playing field and have to be careful, also you risk his anger. Its up to his father [your husband] to put him in his place verbally, but then, if your partner is treating you badly, his son is simply copying the example he sees. Either way, its an unbearable situation and one that you have to get respite from. Can i suggest to you that you see a social Welfare Counsellor re the money end of things. I think that you would get an allowance towards your Rent. That would help, it would help just to have space and peace for awhile. To heal, to think, to plan. You need emotional support.
Youve been through a rough time and so has your body and mind with the illness and addiction too. Its time to stop the Madness now and make a life for you !! Go find out quietly if its possible to get a rent supplement, there are thousands of women /men in your position who have to leave because of physical and emotional violence and abuse, you wont recover in this situation.
You need help to re-house, resettle, be strong and I think you can do it.
It may take this for your husband to wake up and smell the Roses and see just how hes been enabling his son abuse you verbally. Do you want to leave your husband? If so, then you have to grasp at life and do it. Its not easy, its going into unchartered territory... the unknown. Get the finances sorted out with the relevant agencies. Im from Ireland and I dont know what State you live in but I know your intelligent and you need to find out where you stand financially before you make a change for the better. I wish you the best of luck.
God bless you.
I left him last night. I made a huge Thanksgiving meal and I didn't get one bite. His son set in on me threatening to kill me or put me in the hospital because me and his dad was argueing. His son is 50 yrs old. And it was none of his concern. I am with my mom and I am exhausted!. I notified the authorities of the threats that has been made agaist my life. They are going to be sending extra patrol cars around the area my mom lives. You no it's been so long that from the moment I wake up being told what to do. It is very scary I almost don't know what to do. I guess I just need to get settled down some and I will remember how to live again. I thank you for your support and I am truly grateful that you care. This site and being able to just express what I am feeling is really helping me a lot. Hope to hear from you soon,
Your Friend,
Michelle
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Michelle, good for you! This is a huge step in the right direction. You are definitely going to make it. I don't know how you managed to get through making that meal, but you did everything right, calling the police and putting them on notice. I hope you can now sleep a little better at night.
I hope you'll keep writing and let us know how you're doing. A lot of people could learn from you! God bless.
I have made a horrible mistake. I started talking to him. Then the promises came that I wanted to believe so badly. I truly thought it was going to be different. I moved back in with him. The first couple of weeks were wonderful. But as I sit here today, my birthday I turned 38, he has once again became the monster he was. Tomorrow I am going to check into some places I might could go. I haven't been out of bed today until right now. I spent all day crying and sleeping. I love sleep more than anything. I sure got myself in another mess this time. I'm really down right now. I have no friends anymore. He has had such control that I lost all my friends and he isolated me from family. I have a 19 year old son, a 20 year old son and a 22 year old daughter. The boys are here where I live and Megan lives in Montanna. I also have a 4 year old grandson who I love more than life and he loves me as much. Because of those 4 very important reasons I will not kill myself. But call it selfish if you will My favorite day dream is that I go to sleep and never wake up.My life has never been so bad. I want out. But at the same time I'm dying inside and getting to the point where I am almost zombiefied expressing no emotion at all. Thank You Judy for your care and concern. God will Bless you for it. I needed to vent. Thanks for being around. Have a wonderful night and sweet dreams... Michelle
Michelle, I'm so sorry, but glad to hear that you are checking for places you can stay. Now, I guess you've tested this relationship as far as you can without getting yourself killed and can feel confident that you are making the right decision in leaving him. It will take a little time, but you will get your soul back. That grandson of yours needs you - my grandparents gave me my happiest memories. I hope that you will heal soon. Are you seeing a therapist? If you need help with how to find one, even if you don't have the money, just let me know. You can use all the support you can get.
Good for you for knowing when you've had enough. After you find a place to stay, let us know how you're doing, okay? I definitely want to hear from you again. God bless you!
Michelle, I forgot to wish you a happy birthday! Maybe it's not such a happy one, but I bet next year's will be a lot better.
Judy