My marriage

By lindsay Saturday, August 16, 2008

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My marriage is falling apart and I blame it on my depression. I do not currently take anything for my depression and I know that's a problem. I guess I am just putting off finding a new doctor and telling my story all over again. I hate it. But it's ruining my marriage. My husband works really long hours. Over 100 a week. Sometimes he's gone for days at a time. But when his days off roll around all we do is argue. I know it's because of my insecurities and the fact that I can't stand myself. These are all typical symptoms, I know. I'm a classic in denial, insecure depressed person. And I hate it. I'm convinced I'm going to push my husband to be with another person. Perhaps the size 2 woman next door with big boobs. I am a bitter person and I don't know how else to fix my marriage. I am falling apart and I'm only 22.

Feeling a bit better

Comments (8) | Add comment

countrydan

8/16/08 6:41pm

Hi Lindsay, thing about how lucky you are to be young and have plenty of time to work things out. Somehow, the answer is right in front of us and we don't realize it. Now that I am older,(old enough to be your grandfather) I begin to realize that real problems are much worse. Like cancer, heart conditions and that sort of thing. When my first wife left me for my best friend 30 years ago , I would have told you that I would not be here today, but here I am. Take a deep breath...look up...and let He who knows all take care of it. Dan

Susan Cagley

8/17/08 5:29pm

We have to look hard to find the good in all problems. Finding doc that can help you and talking about your problem is like opening book, one about your life. You could ask your last doc to past his info on to the next one a head of time. That way they can read up before you get there. Maybe you might even try taping it and ask him to listen to it and talk about what you feel or he feels might help. There are a lot of good docs and listeners of the prof type here, they are also good at having links to find what you need. I lost my marriage of 23 years to my depression and ms, This site help me hold it together and finish raising my 2 daughters. God bless and hang in there.

callmetroubles aka Susan

theo

8/21/08 11:45am

from my mom's side, i have had bipolarity (bp) with brain fog and depression in the past. not to mention that one of my ex-gf's cheated on me while i was out working my butt off a decade and a half ago.

in any event, over time i've found basic things like *quality* fish oil (like 2-3 capsules of neptune krill oil you can buy at a place like costco), flaxseed, multivitamin, b-complex, grape seed, revesterol and such helped a heck of a lot. my bipolarity and depression went away, and now i am full of stamina and vitality, think clearly and have control of my life.

at the core a lot of mental issues like bp and depression are physiological phenomenon that can be arrested and addressed if one thinks critically and tries to attack it at the root by regular supplementation, exercise, and eating right. at least for me.

knowledge is power. be strong and best wishes.

kate

8/21/08 11:45am

I've hated myself too and also felt my marriage of 30 some odd years is falling apart. My sister talked me into telling my doctor (a regular MD) that I feel sad all the time. he perscribed prozak which I've been on for 2 years. It has helped me tremendous! I also do more things that I like to do. i am also trying to cut down on drinking. It's very hard to force yourself to do these things. I would start with one positive thing when your husband is away and then go on from there.

good luck!

Vicki M, Editor

9/ 4/08 8:43am

Hi Lindsey,

It's great to see you reaching out to folks here. There are many people here in the same position as you and by sharing our experiences with one another, together we can help each other find the way.

I know it feels as though you are losing your marriage but have you tried to speak to your husband about how you are feeling? Are you able to talk with him personally that way? I know it's tough some times, but he should know how you are feeling and know that you are trying to work through the difficulties.

Here are some links for information that you might find useful. This information is great for preparing you for your doctor's appointments. It will help you identify the questions you need to ask, because no one knows you better than you! You are a worthy individual and you should have the care you need to feel better. While online sites are great resources for getting the information you need, they can not take the place of your doctor's solid medical advice and care.

There is a great overview of what it means to be diagnosed with depression here. There is a very informative section here for when you have just been diagnosed, including myths debunked, and a section that gives you specific questions to ask your doctor. You can read about the symptoms of depression here, medications commonly prescribed here, and current treatments that are being used here. Most importantly is the support aspect of your depression. There are support groups available and you can find out about some of them here in the support section. Finally, there are many people here at Health Central who are walking the same walk you are taking now. Some are further up the road than you, some have just started the journey. We can all learn from each other, so the best resource here are the expert patients. You can check out some of the forums here, or you can create your own caregiving site. This is a great way to let those folks you care about know how you are doing and how they can help.

I hope this helps somewhat. Please stay in touch and let us know how you are doing!

Vicki M

Tom McBride

9/ 8/08 7:16am

Lindsay, I would like you to know 2 things. (1) You are NOT ALONE. That might be obvious as you look around this site, but it needs repeated LOUDLY and often. (2) It is NOT YOUR FAULT. An illness is not one's fault.

The great news is that you are here, on this site, and that means you are engaged in the fight for wellness. Never give up, you are worth the fight.

One thing I've learned is that Depression is way beyond the scope of many if not most family doctors. I found that the only person that truelly understood and helped me, was a Psyciatrist. A medical doctor who understands illness in the organ we call the brain. Sometimes, that illness might take a form that requires medication to return the balance. When you find the right treatment, it will be like stepping back into the light. I am serious when I say that life is a whole lot more fun, standing in the light.

Another thing a Psyciatrist can do, is provide you with the information that you can share with others, so they understand what you are going through. When my wife saw the list I brought home, of Symptoms of Depression, she said, "where is the box to check all of the above?" She began to understand.

Keep after it, Lindsay. You are a wonderful person, and you deserve to be standing in the light again.

newly married

5/30/09 6:44pm

I know exactly how you're feeling.

I've been battling depression since I was around 13 or 14. I'm now 21 and recently married, and feel as though it's tearing us apart because I just can't get it under control. I know that I need to see someone about it, but I've always hated talking about my problems, and I always keep them bottled up inside. It scares me to think about going to see someone I don't know and telling them everything about myself.

When I was 18 I was close to comitting suicide. I swallowed whatever pills my parents had in the cupboard, but ended up making myself throw them up. I was at a really low point in my life and felt as though people would be better off without me in their lives. I had also just had sex with a guy who pretended to care a lot about me to get me in bed. And as soon as he got it, blocked me from msn and wouldn't answer my phone calls. I was devastated and felt worthless.

I am so lucky to have met the man of my dreams. He tells me that I'm beautiful all the time, but I still hate myself. I just can't get over the self loathing. It's eating me up inside, and it's affecting our marriage. I find it hard to even be naked around him because I can't stand how I look. I know that it's eventually going to push him away, but I can't fix it. I don't know what to do other than to go get help, but I'm just so scared.

Anyway, I hope that you get the help that you need and deserve. I just wanted to let you know that there are others in the same situation as you.

lindsay

5/31/09 2:45am

wow, a lot of that stuff you just said is exactly how it is with me. before i was with my husband i gave it away to a guy who stopped calling and disappeared. I have trouble being naked around my husband. I am so self concious i cant stand it. sometimes my brain runs through things so many times i feel like i will go crazy. it's like there is no off switch in my head and i cant relax.

im convinced sometimes my husband wishes i looked different or dressed different although he's never asked me to change. i cant stop wishing i could look better for him. it's always in the back of my mind that i'm afraid it's going to tear us apart.

thank you for writing

My marriage

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