Tuesday Focus
When dealing with mental illness where do most of us focus? I know personally; I always focused on why can’t I be like everyone else. Why can everyone else get up and look so refreshed when they come to work and I on the other hand; took every ounce of energy to get my butt out of bed. I kept asking myself what is wrong with me. Then I got to the point of… it actually felt better to lie in that bed and not face the world around me. I would rather sleep, watch tv, read a book or spend hours upon hours playing games on the computer or x-box.
I was so depressed that I went catatonic for over 10 days. I have no clue what happen to me. I’m thankful my husband made me get out of bed and he got me into the tub and bathed me and even made sure I was up and moving around. I on the other hand; do not remember any of it. I do not remember him bathing me, I don’t remember him taking me to the grocery store or making me walk around the mall. He was pushing me to move and he said I was getting violent with him. I wanted to stay in my place of safety. My place of safety was in the bed with the covers over me.
I slowly but surely came out of my catatonic state. I don’t remember any of the events or when I finally started to come around. But how many of us are out there without the moral support of a loving husband or a significant other to drag our butts out of bed? I’m going to assume a LOT!! We have nowhere to turn or even know how to ask for help. We want to just end it because life is too hard and we cannot handle another thing on our plate. We are full from all the BS and people making us feel bad about ourselves. We are tired of not being able to live up to others expectations of us.
That’s where we lose focus! I lost the focus and I had to seek professional help to get it. But we need to want it. So the next question is how do we want something that we don’t know we need? We think we are fine in our house of horrors. We think it’s everyone else and nothing is wrong with us. We start blaming and pointing fingers at the people around us. Again we are so focused on the wrong things. We say to ourselves it’s their fault I am this way!! If they wouldn’t have done this to us then I wouldn’t respond in that manner.
So let us get back in focus.
1. Take care of ourselves
2. Find professional help
3. Learn to let go
4. What happen yesterday we can’t change it
5. Find someone to be accountable too.
I like your list Pink...is this what you would like to be called here?
I am trying to think of what I focus on when depressed...I guess my first go to thoughts are that I am no good and worthless. This is definitely a depression inducing mantra.
I am very inspired by your story. So you did not remember being in the catatonic state? But maybe it was a feeling of stillness or safety? When we look at the word "depressed" it conveys a slowing down. For me...my focus narrows...time slows down...I may stare at a ray of light coming in through the blind along with the dust particles. It is like being in a time warp.
Amazing stuff you are writing and so very helpful. You give some concrete tools to deal with depression on a daily basis. Keep up your marvelous work!