Hi, Merely Me.  I think this one came out under another site's persona again because I didn't get notified, I just logged in to see if there was anything new.

Anger....yes, it's important to acknowledge anger to help avoid depression; on the other hand, I believe a lot of anger comes from the sadness of being hurt and it feels more powerful to be angry than sad.  I get angry at injustice and if it's something I can do something about, I will.  Otherwise, I just try to vent with somebody who will listen.

I've also heard about some research that says doing physically violent things to release anger can sometimes make it worse.  I have to say that whenever I've tried to do things like beat pillows or throw things, I usually end up feeling more frustrated.  In the first place, it's hard for me to do it because extreme anger scares the heck out of me and if I try to release it - in therapy, for example - I usually end up in tears and just feeling despair and sadness.  Maybe that's not the case for most, I don't know.  When I was younger and would become depressed, I'd ask myself what I was angry about and it seemed to help.  But it doesn't any more and I don't know why.  I think sometimes the anger is unconscious and I don't recognize it.

I'd like to hear what others think, too.  Maybe they'll log in and try to see what's new!

Merely Me, Health Guide

7/ 9/10 7:50am

Hey Judy!

 

I am glad to see you!  Yeah these different profiles of mine from the different sites I write on keep popping up haphazardly.  The problem is when I post something I get a choice of logging in as me on (depression, skin care, anxiety) or other combinations but not just...depression.  I have no clue.  I am told that maybe next week things will be better.  Keep your fingers crossed.

 

This is really interesting what you are saying about anger.  I had forgotten about that research...I will post some links in this comment about it.  I think the word they use over and over is "venting" is unhealthy.  In my mind this is when you obsess and go over and over it and can't let the anger go.  Or of course yeah...it isn't good to go yelling at people or becoming physically violent with others.  But I do think some sort of physical outlet can be good such as exercise or a sport. 

 

Every single therapist I have been to has tried to get me to be in touch with my anger.  It is one of our human emotions that we tend to be afraid of.  So we divert it to feeling bad about ourselves when really we were angry about things that happened to us.  This can be a part of depression...not the whole kit and kaboodle.

 

You have given me much food for thought and I would like to explore this topic more.

 

I did find links to the whole 80's backlash against venting anger which most people subscribe to today.  Here is the 1983 article from The New York Times entitled, "Venting Anger May Do More Harm Than Good" in which some therapists felt that expressing anger did more harm than good.  Here is one quote by one of the therapists:

"Dr. Madow added: ''Freud was one of the first to recognize that catharsis doesn't work. Anger is really a symptom. To deal with it, you have to get back into the unconscious and find out why anger is there."

 

Here is a more modern take on anger as found in Bloomberg Business Week about Coralling Your Anger where the advice given is: 

 

"It can be harmful to others and ourselves to vent our anger, but it can also be unhealthy and unwise to keep it bottled up."   Some suggestions are given to how to express it safely and ethically in this article. 

 

We will talk more about this issue as I think it is a really important topic.

 

Thanks so much for your thought provoking comment Judy.

 

 

Hi MM

I wrote back to both of them and they didn't accept it

Jon

Yes, MM, your suggestion to "write a letter" works sometimes.  I write poetry to express my darker feelings -- anger, outrage, sadness -- but never my lighter moods.  I didn't realize this until I finally read some of my poetry to my long-time therapist, Margaret.  She stopped me after the second poem (I broughty 5 or 6) and said, "You sound very angry."  After she said that, it seemed obvious.  But I hadn't realized the connection before.  Most of the anger was directed toward my dad.

What's funny is I didn't think my anger showed -- in my facial expression, in my voice, in my writing, my actions.  And there she recognized it immediately. (Of course she may have had other hints from me along the line.)  Now I am in the process of reading through all my old poems and sorting out which ones I want to share with others, and which ones are private.  I'm keeping all the angry ones to myself, which I guess is another way of bottling it up.  But to describe anger in words, whether directly or through metaphor, helps me.  I rarely, however, use the spoken word to express it.

I used to take anger out on myself, also.  Smashed things I had created.  Hurting myself.  I really wonder if my introversion is not partially because of all this inward-direcing of anger.  I have worked so hard to keep it all in and be a "good girl."  Also, I learned to fear anger when I saw it expressed by my dad.  I feared it in him when I was young, and then in myself as I got older.  And although my ex-husband abused me for 13 yrs, I never once expressed my anger to him.  I am learning in small ways to "vent" by disagreeing with my mother and siblings once in a while.  Trying to reveal the "real" me instead of the false me.  And people seek to shame me every time I do this.  "Oh, you don't have to be ANGRY -- that doesn"t become you at all."  Or, "I can't believe that YOU are getting angry.  YOU are always the quiet, soft-spoken one." Tsk tsk.

Donna