Dont know what to do

mrs ruckus Living With It I want my life back I have lived with depression for years, but I must say I'm at a point... Send Message Subscribe: mrs ruckus

Friday, October 02, 2009
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Well, the time is nearing. My husband will be leaving me in about 2 weeks to move across the country in what he calls a "separation". I hate that I let this depression take over and ruin my life and our relationship. I don't want him to go, I want to work things out, but he's n...

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What Will You Do?
Judy
Friday, October 02, 2009 at 11:04 AM

Hi, there - I'm sorry that you're having to go through this. I don't recall you saying anything previously about seeing a therapist or psychiatrist to treat your depression. Have you tried doing that? It looks like doing nothing about it is not working and even when you're working at it, it does take some time. Maybe your husband doesn't have the strength right now to keep enduring this, if you're not getting any help. From experience, I can say that couples counseling could help a lot if you're committed to staying together. Right now, since he's moving out, that's probably not going to happen, but you can get help for yourself. If I'm wrong about your not getting help, I apologize, I didn't re-read all of the responses you had to your first post so I don't know what the situation is. A marriage is a two-way street, so you don't have to give yourself all the blame. Maybe a separation could be a good thing if the time is used for both of you to heal. I wish you all the best and hope you will let us know how you're doing in the days to come.

re: What Will You Do?
mrs ruckus
Friday, October 02, 2009 at 11:19 AM

hi,

I have just recently started seeing a doctor and am now on prozac and xanax cr. They aren't helping yet, but I'm hoping they kick in soon. I haven't started counseling yet, but that will be my next step. As for the marriage counseling, I did suggest it when he first shared his feelings, but he declined. So you are right, I do need to take care of me right now, esp since I have a son that will be 13 later this month. I guess I just need to vent sometimes and get feedback, because I feel like a scattered mess right now.

thank you

re: re: What Will You Do?
Judy
Friday, October 02, 2009 at 12:14 PM

I'm glad you're getting help and hopefully the meds will kick in soon. Depression is a real toughie - that commercial about depression affecting everyone is true, which can make us feel even worse. I know I don't even like to admit to it in my own house because even after all these years, I still feel guilty about being depressed. I just started taking an additional antidepressant and I'm still kind of thinking wow, after all this time and I'm still having to tweak things. Maybe for some of us it's just a fact of life, something we'll have to deal with all the time like any other chronic illness. I try to think of it like that. I do try to get help sooner than I used to, so I think that keeps it from getting really bad, but still, it gets kind of old. Well, feel free to vent any time, I'm sure this is going to be a difficult period for you with your husband leaving, but hopefully it will be for the best in the end. Hope you have a good week-end.

I am sorry you are going through this...
Merely Me
Friday, October 02, 2009 at 07:38 PM

Hey there

I know this must be a really rough time for you right now. I hear some guilt in what you say here. Are you blaming yourself for this? In my opinion...this is a weight which you don't deserve or need right now. Depression is not your fault. And your husband's choice is not your fault. The responsibility you have right now is to your self and your child. Judy is right...you have to take care of you.

I hope you come back to let us know how things are going for you. Remember that this is your life...and you deserve some happiness.

Thanks for reaching out here.

re: I am sorry you are going through this...
mrs ruckus
Monday, October 05, 2009 at 04:05 PM

thank you for your words... the fact of the matter is, I do blame myself... I feel that if I wouldn't have waited so long to start taking care of myself and healing from old wounds of the past, that it wouldn't be present in this relationship and that my husband would stay... there are moments when I feel that this isn't my fault, he should love me for me... and he's not... but those moments are so few... I'm still crying daily, and there are times when the anxiety is so bad, I feel like I can't breathe... but I know it will take some time for the meds to work... I just wish this would all go away so I can exhale again