Hi Aero

You are going through a lot aren't you?  I think in this sharepost you are truly saying that you want your life to change.  You know you want to switch directions but you don't know how.  You have begun some behavioral patterns...of things you may feel will give you temporary relief from pain.  But in the long run these things...like the drugs...will cause you more pain and self destruction.

I think in all of us we carry two seeds in our hands...one is for self destruction and one is for growth.  You need to focus on the growth right now so you can survive.

What baby steps are you willing to take today to turn things around?  How about doing the school projects so that you graduate.  It will take your mind off of other things perhaps.  Focus one that one accomplishment...and when you have that success under your belt...tackle something else.  I know things must seem so overwhelming right now but it is under your control to slow time...and focus on one task at a time.

In my opinion I think therapy would be a wonderful idea.  Rehab may be helpful if you are ready and can commit to it.  Don't wait until you totally bottom out before getting help okay?

You can do this! 

Please keep writing...we are rooting for you!