the killer disease

By jpw2008 Monday, June 14, 2010

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hi everyone

I tried to kill myself by trying to get AIDS

I wanted to die so badly

I found out later that it is a slow miserable death

I didnt get AIDS(as far as I know)

Depression can make you think odd thoughts

I met someone who has full blown AIDS for 24 years of theyre life

I live in a dungeon

It feels like it

the living room is a medium brown

It has four windows

still way too dark for me

The question I keep asking is why am I afraid to live

Life is confusing

Jon

pain and agony

Comments (5) | Add comment

Judy

6/14/10 5:38pm

Jon, I think it's good that you're asking yourself why you're afraid to live - it's actually way more positive than asking yourself why you want to die. It sounds like you really do want to live but are so afraid. What would "living" mean to you? I wonder if you're really scared of hurting people's feelings because you're scared of their anger. Do you think that could be it?

Maybe you could volunteer to paint the living room walls a lighter color - would that be possible? Atmosphere does have a big influence on our moods, I think. Do whatever you can to change the things that are pulling you down.

Glad to hear from you, Jon.

Joanna

6/14/10 8:20pm

Hi Jon~ I am sorry you feel so down and bad. I too would like to know why you are afraid of living. I have been pretty much where you are right now. The culprit for me is Lyrica. So many people I know call it the Devil pill and I agree. It won't let me get off of it without killing myself. I agree with Judy in you trying things that will help you feel better. Nice brighter walls, maybe a couple of bright throw pillows to help brighten up the sofa. Anything to help bring you "up" instead of down. Please keep in touch Jon. With love, Joanna

Kathy

6/14/10 10:23pm

Just sending you love and support. Glad you are here!