Oh i forgot my daughter's father he has been a nightmare to deal with all of these years in and out of family court to see the girls but he doesn';t want to pay any child support but expects me to drop the girls off to him and pick them up which I have done in the past. He is abusive to every woman he is with and my kids unfortunatelyu have witnessed him put his hands/verbally abuse these woman but because of the court system child support and visitation are two seperate issues. I worry when my ten year old goes to see him and what she is witnessing because he is a major alchoholic and drug adict but I have to let her go because I can't prove that things are unsafe for her when she goes to see him by the way my fourteen year old doesn't want to see him at all anymore, it's strange that one of my daughters finally gets that she doesn't want to be around all of that drama but my ten year old still wants to see him so I let her go. He has always been very disrespectful to me and my husband doesn't want him anywhere near our home. So much tension surrounding this I just can't take it anymore!! Finally I'm just venting but I fell like I'm swimming under water and drowning. I have a empty pit in my stomach all the time but I seem to hide it well and I'm always smiling to others even though I'm so sad. The only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning is my kids because I know they need me and depend on me thank god for them because I probably would of really had nothing to live for.
I just need to find someone who understand how I feel because my husband doesn't understand and I think he is just aggrevated and sick and tired of me and my crying spells. I feel so alone and wish I had someone to understand me. I want to feel happy and I want to trust but I cant trust anyone it's just so hard. I've lost faith in everyone around me and feel like I'm really taken advantage of. If anyone can relate to some of this please try to reach out to me because maybe together we can understand this condition and get through it some how.
GOD, GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE, CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
BE HAPPY WITHIN YOURSELF AND DON'T LOOK FOR HAPPINESS FROM SOMEONE ELSE. OF COURSE SOMEONE ELSE CAN ADD TO YOUR HAPPINESS BUT IT'S INSIDE OF YOU TO , SO REACH INSIDE , PULL OUT THE NEGATIVE AND GRADUALLY ADD THE POSITIVES IN YOUR LIFE AND CONCENTRATE ON WHAT YOU DO HAVE INSTEAD OF WHAT YOU DON'T. TAKE CARE OF YOU, LOVE YOURSELF AND ALL THE REST WILL FALL INTO PLACE.
FIND A SUPPORT GROUP AND STICK WITH IT, READ POSITIVE LITERATURE AND BRING OUT THE WONDERFUL PERSON THAT IS INSIDE OF YOU. FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT AND THE GOODNESS AND SMILES WILL SOON BE REAL.