Which are you? Do you know? do you think it matters?
These are my personal opinions and feelings on this subject. The only experience I have in the field of psychology has been learned "on the job training", 20 years of therapy and in trying to live a normal life with my demons. What I've learned is that when you realize your not alone in the terror, it makes it better. I think because it does make you realize that what happened to you is not your fault. I'm trying to show how being mentally conditioned from early childhood to feel as if you don't have value from your parents can effect your future life. How hard it is to over come that brain washing and finally come to the realization that you do matter, you do have value! I also feel that there is a point in your life where you have to "own your own decisions" and stop blaming the horror of the past on all your problems of here and now. That's the idea of exploring the past to make better decisions in the future.
In this day and age we have names for everything. "Peter-pan syndrome", "Stockholm syndrome", etc. It's like as long as we have a name for it, people can do whatever they want. We've studied the criminally insane, and in turn have come up with "reasons to excuse their selfish unconscionable behavior" because they were also abused as children. Guess what, a whole lot of people have suffered some type of abuse or trauma in their lives. And every person that has ever been abused doesn't pick up victims to abuse, torture or maybe even kill them. They suffer through what they have to and they go on getting up everyday trying to live a normal life.
I think that there are households of every class or monetary position that what goes on behind those closed doors would shock you. If you read this you will read that I spent some time in some in-patient situations. I have heard shocking stories of abuse and neglect like you would not believe especially when looking from the outside in. I'm sure our family looked "normal" from outside no one would have guessed at the things that happened inside that house.
In families like this the whole family practices the art of deception keeping the secrets are important. The members of the family handle these issues in many different ways. Like some people will do anything to keep others at arms length, they don't want to be too connected to another person. Because of the fear of not being accepted as they are? Some may not even be aware of the abuse, because children have ways of hiding these horrors from their selves especially and can never admit that they were abused. Children will do anything to protect their parents, and are always striving for love from the parent(s) that are abusing them. The way they handle it is to bury it deep down inside. They put up walls, boxes, whatever their imaginary interior decorator likes, and put it away like their winter clothing, it's their personal defense systems. Others turn to drugs or drinking to self medicate to dull the pain inside. Or turn to sex to feel as if someone loves them even though it doesn't fill the void or keep the devils at bay. Some, women mostly, eat/starve themselves to death, controlling the only thing that they themselves can control, what they put in their mouth. Others feel unhappy but never really understand why they feel that way. A few seek counsel and dig in their subconscious minds for years trying to figure out why they can never seem to be happy. They say knowledge is the key to recovery when you know what happened to you then you can combat the effects and heal yourself.
Thank you Lu Pen sooo much for sharing your story!!!! I can relate I too am a "Victim". Always trying to be accepted and loved, I am an easy target for those "Predators" or as my brother calls them "Vampires" because they will suck your blood dry until you die!