Girlfreind very clinically depressed. Just moved in. HELP

HI Steve, Thanks for the advice. As stated in my posting I got her to a Psychiatrist who has her on meds. She sees him twice weekly. I spoke with him again yesterday but he won't share much since she has not yet told him she wanted to see me with him in a session. He won't share diagnostic information with me. I too thought it was a bipolar state. I just never saw such a quick shutdown and its lasted over 2 months now. Its like shes catatonic with me but ok at work. How long can I expect this low to last and do you think its likely that she will "come back up" from this back to the way she was or for that matter I don't really know who she really is since she probably was on a manic high when she met me. I haven't known her long enough to feel as though I should be going through this so long since prior to this I was with her for 6 months and this is not the person I fell in love with. What would you do?. Thanks, Gerson.

It is hard for me to relate to your situation since I have been married for twenty nine years.

When bipolar hit me at age 29 it really threw us a curve.

At this point I would move out or have her to do so.

She for some reason does not include you in her  your treatment.  This is a red flag as to the intimacy of your relationship. Sometimes a depressed person can go on auto pilot while at work.  But is she outgoing there and vivacious?

Bipolar episodes can come on you very quickly as you described.  It is true that her manic self was not she but the same goes for her depressed state.

You have to make the choice.

Have you read our book Broken Minds Hope for Healing When You Feel Like You're Losing It?  We discuss allot of these matters in it.

Sincerely,

Steve Bloem

http://www.heartfeltmin.org

Moving out or asking the person afflicted to is not always the best course of action!!

Understanding and LOVE as well as community outreach programs are GOOD ways to start. I would recomend that anyone living with a person afflicted with this disorder seek outside help for themselves. There are several good support groups out there as well as informational classes on what to expect from the illness.

I was divorced for ten years and did not think I would ever find anyone to share the rest of my life with, when I did she told me she was a victim of Major Depression as well as OCD. I found the strength and love to help her through it and now we are enjoying our fourteenth year together.

Sorry to sound so harsh but running away or pushing someone away has never been something I have subscribed to.

I agree with the other comments in regards to not just giving up and having her move out or you. As a sufferer myself I can relate to what you are saying on how you found her and how it was so sudden and she seems fine at work but a mess at home. I was like that, still am to a large point.If you loved her then you need to be able to handle those rough times. If she's unable to talk to you at the moment you need to be extremely paitent and ask her small questions here and there and let her know you aren't upset with her you just want to understand. Also ask her about therapy with her. I would also seek some help for you on the side. As a support person it's imparative you take care of you too, so you have the neergy to be there for her when she is able to open up.

I would also suggest to her some online communities to chat to other sufferers. There are some too that have a lot of support people that are caregivers themselves that may help you. One I can think of is Wing of Madness.

As a felllow sufferer it's hard to open up or understand how you feel one moment to the next. Plus you are frustrated and confused about how you feel and if you are int he midst of a relapse it's really terrifying and you can beat yourself up on why you didn't see it coming or weren't able to stop it. It's odd that she went off her drugs and had such a huge decline and then the pills never worked at all.

I hope you two can work on this together, but like that other person said, "be a duck" let things roll off you as much as possible and take breaks with your friends and activities when you are ready to scream.

I agree with the other comments in regards to not just giving up and having her move out or you. As a sufferer myself I can relate to what you are saying on how you found her and how it was so sudden and she seems fine at work but a mess at home. I was like that, still am to a large point.If you loved her then you need to be able to handle those rough times. If she's unable to talk to you at the moment you need to be extremely paitent and ask her small questions here and there and let her know you aren't upset with her you just want to understand. Also ask her about therapy with her. I would also seek some help for you on the side. As a support person it's imparative you take care of you too, so you have the neergy to be there for her when she is able to open up.

I would also suggest to her some online communities to chat to other sufferers. There are some too that have a lot of support people that are caregivers themselves that may help you. One I can think of is Wing of Madness.

As a felllow sufferer it's hard to open up or understand how you feel one moment to the next. Plus you are frustrated and confused about how you feel and if you are int he midst of a relapse it's really terrifying and you can beat yourself up on why you didn't see it coming or weren't able to stop it. It's odd that she went off her drugs and had such a huge decline and then the pills never worked at all.

I hope you two can work on this together, but like that other person said, "be a duck" let things roll off you as much as possible and take breaks with your friends and activities when you are ready to scream.

It is now Sunday and my girlfreind moved out Yesterday. I am in shock over this. This past Monday I tried to get her to speak to me a little about involving me in her treatment with her psychiatrist. As stated in my first post she went from taking care of me to my taking care of her since her "crash". Her meds-150 Welbutrin, 150 Zoloft, .5 Klonopin AM, .5 night appeared to have little effect on her ability to communicate with me. She is still working and visited home, parents and 2 freinds. Yet came back after the last weekend very disconnected as before. Then the wost happened. This past Monday she said she got an apartment closer to work and is moving out Saturday. I have no idea how she had to energy and where with all to secure an apartment and on top of that have this all ready to go within 4 days of moving. My talk with her was more about how I can be there for her in her sessions IE go with her to some, or simply wait for her to need me to get more involved in her care when she is home. As it stood she just  wanted to be left totally alone. She left yesterday while I was at work and I came home to all of her stuff gone, no note-I left her a supportive lengthy one, and nothing else. Its Sunday AM and I woke up alone and just very upset and very confused. I don't have her address although If I call her parents Im sure I can get it. I just don't know what to do. Now that shes out of the house I'm devestated that a relationship that I once thought was going to be my last, is within a few months, turned into nothing. When we spoke she said she just needed a place to have as her own, not have to account to anyone, and to make me less stressed out and miserable. I just wish she becomes healthy enough to want to come back to me and let use work on what once was such a caring and loving and supportive relationship. This sudden move has really flipped me out. We even work at the same health care facility so even though I don't see her often I might run into her at some point and I don't know what how I am supose to respond. I'm lonely but mostly very worried about her. I am pretty sure she is continueing her psychoanalysis. She said she is. What now?

Hello Exhausted and Concerned,

It's time for you to move on. She's made decision to make a change in her life, and although you want to help her, for what ever reason, she needs to move on alone. It's tough and I know you don't know why things have happened the way they have. But now is the time for you to think about and take care of you. If you want, you can let her parents know you still care, but once you have a period of waiting, (I would give it a month or two) that you too are going to move on with your life.

If you see your former girlfriend at work, be cordial and friendly.

I am sorry it's come to this, but at least now, you can move on and work on building yourself a healthy and happy life.

Take care. Stay in touch!

Vicki M

It is now Sunday and my girlfreind moved out Yesterday. I am in shock over this. This past Monday I tried to get her to speak to me a little about involving me in her treatment with her psychiatrist. As stated in my first post she went from taking care of me to my taking care of her since her "crash". Her meds-150 Welbutrin, 150 Zoloft, .5 Klonopin AM, .5 night appeared to have little effect on her ability to communicate with me. She is still working and visited home, parents and 2 freinds. Yet came back after the last weekend very disconnected as before. Then the wost happened. This past Monday she said she got an apartment closer to work and is moving out Saturday. I have no idea how she had to energy and where with all to secure an apartment and on top of that have this all ready to go within 4 days of moving. My talk with her was more about how I can be there for her in her sessions IE go with her to some, or simply wait for her to need me to get more involved in her care when she is home. As it stood she just  wanted to be left totally alone. She left yesterday while I was at work and I came home to all of her stuff gone, no note-I left her a supportive lengthy one, and nothing else. Its Sunday AM and I woke up alone and just very upset and very confused. I don't have her address although If I call her parents Im sure I can get it. I just don't know what to do. Now that shes out of the house I'm devestated that a relationship that I once thought was going to be my last, is within a few months, turned into nothing. When we spoke she said she just needed a place to have as her own, not have to account to anyone, and to make me less stressed out and miserable. I just wish she becomes healthy enough to want to come back to me and let use work on what once was such a caring and loving and supportive relationship. This sudden move has really flipped me out. We even work at the same health care facility so even though I don't see her often I might run into her at some point and I don't know what how I am supose to respond. I'm lonely but mostly very worried about her. I am pretty sure she is continueing her psychoanalysis. She said she is. What now?

Hey there,

It's been a while since we've heard from you. How are you doing? Any changes in the situation? Are you still separated from the girlfriend?

Let us know how you are doing!

Vicki M