grandma4

Health Interests

Depression,  anxiety,  panic attacks

Drugs I am Taking

xanax,  Effexor,  Klonodine,  trazadone

About Me

I have suffered from depression since my 20's, it wasn't severe, and came and went, never stayed long, i think it was situational depression because of boyfriend problems, marriage problems, but now, in my 50's it seems much worse.  I cant describe the feeling other than i felt as though i was losing my mind, i couldnt be around anyone, listen to music, tv, talk to anyone, i am my sole supporter and i could not go to work anymore, i was on short term disability for 2.5 months, i went in to psychiatric unit for 1 week to get myself on appropriate meds and talk to psychiatrist and his nurse daily.  I have been on most of the popular antidepressants and nothing seemed to work, Prozac was the worst, I felt suicidal on it.  Now my psychiatrist prescribed Effexor and it has helped immensley, good thing because I had to come back to work.  I am better now but its a fight everyday to keep the depression from rearing its ugly head.  some days are better than others but im at least functional and able to work.  Early morning waking is bad, i get very anxious and feel depressed when i have to get up for work every morning but i know i have to so i force myself, once here, im ok.  seems like afternoon time when its time to go home and its dark and cold out, i start to feel anxious right before i leave work, dont know why. when i get home im better.  i have a feeling i will always have to fight this beast, I wish I could be my old self again but I dont think that will happen.  Getting older depresses me, I have had obsession with death and dying, not just me but others, I have lost several good friends to cancer and two good friends are battling it now.  I wonder all the time when is it my turn, i get obsessed with this kind of negative thinking.  Ive learned to stop it much of the time because that will cause me anxiety and feeling like I want to die. thanks for listening and would like to hear from others feeling the same way.  Or even others on Effexor, how is it working for you?