I was officially diagnosed with depression at 13, but due to parental intervention I only started being treated at uni. I've now been having treatment for about 4 years, have seen various psychotherapists, psychiatrists and psychologists. I stopped taking medication over a year ago because I had adverse side effects and they didn't seem to help.
The problem is, I seem to be at my lowest ever. On the surface I don't think people know I'm ill, just think I have low self esteem, but I'm suffering. It seems to hurt just being conscious and some times I almost feel I could go mad just from the ache of being. My psychologist is trying to get me to go back on medication, but I feel as if I need more practical help. I exercise regularly, to the point of obsessionally, but cant seem to think how to make new friends because I'm socially inept at present.
There's been a couple of traumatic incidents in my life over the past couple of years, which my psychologist wants to talk about, but I want help with now. I need to stop this horrible sensation that I'm nothing, that I'm waiting for something thats never going to happen. I don't even want to be happy, just ok. Is there anything I can do to ward off these horrible thoughts?
