Depression and Anger

Rose here,  Sometimes when theres a joyous happy event [ie  your sons homecoming etc] we can get quite 'up' for awhile, then bump, we are down again and that feels awful coz we thought the Depression was gone. It doesnt go like that. Depression is a wake up call that things in your life need seeing to , that youre  not happy about certain aspects of your life, besides being a chemical thing. If there were childhood issues and undealth with grief, sorrow, guilt, if you have problems with your relationship. Broken dreams, if onlys... ishould haves... these all lead to depression. You need to talk it out with a therapist or good pastor/counsellor The site is great but theres certain t hings you wouldnt share here obviously so you need a 1 to 1 situation. Alot of men suffer,yes real men, texans too !!    Irish men tend to drink to drown their depression with resulting Suicides during drink binges. Now theyre going to the Therapist. Its not a weakness. Im v strong mentally. Im a survivor, but I do suffer terrible depressions. Theres light at the end of the tunnel. You cant see it just now Misplaced Texan but if you want to hurry along that dark space and see some light youve got to talk out things, even things youve buried, forgotten, wanted to forget, or it could be you always had a low self esteem underneath the macho stuff that men have to play out. Im no doctor. I am a seasoned sufferer, things will  get better but youve gotta get help. Meanwhile use the site. It sounds like you really need  a Medication  to give you a good kick start into getting better. Thats treating the leaves for a disease, if the tree is to stay healthy, you gotta get to the root cause, in the soil of your  heart and soil

I send you love and best wishes from Ireland. Go get prof. help - Please !!

Hi, there.  I think depression often consists of suppressed anger and that's why it pops out sometimes when we don't want it to.  I think you're right, too, that it's probably more anger at yourself than anything.  But, you can apologize.  Have you ever talked to her about how badly you feel?  I know men don't tend to do that but when my husband finally started talking about being depressed, don't think he actually realized what it was, but it made me have more compassion for him because then I could understand what he was acting the way he was.  I think women are usually pretty receptive to emotional sharing.  Yeah, you might cry while you're talking, but that's okay, it can be a relief.

I also agree with everything Rose said, that you need to talk it out with a professional because sometimes medication just can't fix what's really broken.  It's a soul thing, you know?  I'm glad you can write here, at least.  Hope you can find some relief soon, I really do get how miserable it is, worse than physical pain.

Hi misplaced Texan,

I salute you for recognizing that it is your anger and for trying to deal with it.  I agree with Rose, many men have a hard time doing that- including my boyfriend.  He takes it out on me, is verbally and emotionally cruel and --does not share his feelings. Congratulations on just recognizing your feelings and taking responsibility for them-  society makes it hard for men to do this I think. My boyfriend ignores my feelings and hurts me by ignoring my suffering.  I just read a book by a famous author/monk/poet nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize by Dr. Martin Luther King --named Thich Nhat Hanh--He says when we are suffering, stop and just breathe.  Become aware of your breathing and feeling.  Then go to your loved one and say, I am really suffering, please help me.  Your loved one can be with you in the moment and say, I know you are suffering and that is why I am here for you.  You feel less anger immediately after the one you love has really been present with you and there for you in your suffering he says.  If you are Christian, he talks about the Holy Spirit being able to come into you at any moment you ask in the same way, to comfort you.  He says the trick is to get really still and be with your anger, then allow comfort to come to it.  I hope this doesn't sound too strange- it was comforting when I read it.  But it is when I am most angry and depressed that it is hardest to do, so I try to practice inviting the Holy Spirit in or being in the present moment when I am not so upset so it is easier when I am in the worst emotions.  Also, when I have gone to my boyfriend and asked for help, I don't feel supported so instead, I have grown accustomed to lashing out instead at him in anger like you talked about. 

Walking helps me to cool down, doing some form of creativity or writing too.  Sometimes a cup of tea.  I have learned too, like you, to try not to talk when I am too angry, it just gets me into trouble.  What works for you to calm down?

Thanks for sharing and being so honest and courageous-

Smiles