Recognizing and Speaking Up about Dysfunction
I will say this ahead of time. If I get an "internal server error" message when I post this I will...I don't know...what should I do?
a. Scream and cry
b. Eat my kid's chocolate easter bunnies
c. Talk to my cat
d. Other (please list your ideas here)
Okay seriously folks...
My question for you today involves dysfunction. And let's make no mistake, there is no "fun" in dysfunction.
I know we have all been there. The dysfunctional family. Dysfunctional relationships. And dysfunctional workplaces.
You know what the core ingredient to dysfunction is? It is the old "elephant in the living room" phenomena. Or the "emporer has no clothes" also works as useful cliche. It is the thing that nobody wants to talk about.
Basically you have a situation where a family member, loved one, friend, or co-worker has a problem. But instead of addressing the problem, the other members of the particular system enable the problem person and their behavior. They say things like, "Oh that is just so and so...that is what they are like." or "We let him or her do what they want to do because it is easier that way."
And God forbid if you are the person who calls a spade a spade and says, "Look, this person is rude, obnoxious, insulting, hurtful, or even abusive."
Then you get some very interesting replies from the people or the system which enables and reinforces problem behavior as in "You are just too sensitive." or "Oh you have to know so and so...they are really a nice person." Or "I have never had a problem with so and so...must be all in your head."
By the end of it, you feel like a crazy person. But the thing is you are not crazy. You have just entered the twilight zone of dysfunction because to say someone's behavior is problematic means that someone will have to be responsible and deal with someone who has never been told that their behavior is unacceptable. And it is always easier to shove it under the rug.
I can see lots of you nodding your head. You know what I am talking about.
My question for you this evening is when you see dysfunction do you speak about it despite the possible repercussions? What has been your experience in speaking the truth about what you find to be unacceptable behavior?
I can tell you this...for anyone who has been abused or has dealt with bullying behavior...this theme will keep coming up for you. It is good to think about it consciously.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts here. Wanted to tell all the members here how proud I am of your compassion and support of one another. I am seeing such wonderful things on this community. It makes it so worth it for me to see such growth. Whatever you are going through..hey we are here for you!