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How Do You Define Yourself Outside of Depression?

By Merely Me Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The Midweek Muse

   A little inspiration to get you over the hump!

 

I was re-reading some of the posts here and I must say that some of the best ones are from members.  For example, Member Donna wrote an extremely thought provoking post entitled, "Becoming More Than a Label" where she explored the issue of identity in a very honest and profound way.  I found myself wondering the same thing arising from the very basic question of:  "Who am I?"

 

Who are we beyond our labels and roles? 

 

I have always felt a special kinship to Emily Dickinson when she wrote this poem:


I'm Nobody! Who are you?
by Emily Dickinson

 

I'm Nobody! Who are you?
Are you - Nobody - too?
Then there's a pair of us?
Don't tell! they'd advertise - you know!

 

How dreary - to be - Somebody!
How public - like a Frog -
To tell one's name - the livelong June -
To an admiring Bog!

 

There is an intimacy to that poem that I have always liked.

 

Beyond your depression, anxiety, or other diagnoses...beyond your roles of adult child, parent, sister, brother, spouse, or job title....who are you?

 

Look in the mirror and tell us what you see and what you feel inside.

 

You can express this in a poem, a stream of consciousness writing, an image, a song, or even one word.  You are so much more than depression.  Tell us about that core part of you which defies labels.  Tell us about... you.

 

 

The Midweek Muse: Morning Glory
4/14/10 5:49pm

hi mm

I like people although I hate to socialize

I like to go outside but feel the noise outside is too loud

Jon

4/15/10 4:02pm

I am the same way Jon...

 

I hate small chit chat but I do love people.  And I hate noise...it makes me have seizure like episodes due to my MS.

 

Keep talking to us!

4/14/10 6:33pm

I am just commenting to see what happens...

 

I think they changed some stuff...like the pop ups!  It seems there are choices above with even...how to change the size of the font.  Now that would be exciting for me as even with glasses...sometimes I have trouble reading stuff.

 

Let me see!

 

I will respond to comments soon!

4/14/10 6:34pm

Yay!

 

I like these new changes...I do I do!

 

Very nice. 

 

Thank you....tech people.

4/14/10 7:50pm

I am a friend, a lover, a sister, a mother.  I am the sum of many days and several places.  I am a bountiful soul because I have a bountiful God.  I am a project in process seeking endless improvement and precious joy. 

 

The Mirror My Enemy

 

Oh, please, oh please, I don't like what I see,

That goddamned mirror has become my enemy.

But try to remember, it's just made of glass,

I can still close my eyes as I wander on past.

I can lie to myself, pretend I don't see,

The vision that lies there is not the real me.

 

The real me has courage, the real me can change,

What I see in the mirror, I will rearrange.

I can take off some pounds and curl my eyelashes,

Or just close my eyes as the world around me crashes.

It's just a reflection, one I can correct,

Or pinpoint some light and the image deflect.

 

Hey just yesterday morning, I laughed in my face,

Searching for blemishes and wrinkles to trace.

Stared straight in that mirror and gave myself grace,

It took so many years to arrive at this place.

So mirror, my buddy, no enemy mine,

Who I see in that mirror, I like her just fine.

 

4/15/10 4:12pm

Ooooh Bravo Anne!

 

Love it...absolutely love it.

 

Especially your last lines.  Yeah...it is time we accept who we see in the mirror.  After all we have to live with this person the rest of our lives.  :>)

 

Really liked your poem.  Please keep writing...you have a way with words.

4/14/10 11:36pm

For such a short question, it's truly a deep well.  Sometimes I DO feel like Nobody, which is not always bad.  I never thought I was "good" enough to fall in love, get married or have children, but somehow I managed to do just that.  My heart that I used to think was only cold - I found it COULD let love in, after all.  It melted that cold heart and made me cry, for which I would no longer be punished.  I'm trying to be less of a harsh judge of myself and to give myself at least as much of a break as I give everyone else.  I get furious at injustice, disgusted with cruelty and irresponsibility, yet I get curious about why a person acts that way.  I've been disappointed many times when giving someone the benefit of the doubt, yet I can't let myself assume the worst.  I was told I was stupid and gullible, one of those suckers born every minute and my task for years has been to figure out how to turn off the audio.  I don't want to judge anyone, that's God's job, and I don't want anyone to judge me, either.  I've never wanted to hurt anyone, yet it seemed to keep happening, anyway.  Sometimes I feel as naive as a teenager and that I will never die.  I wonder if I'll know when I'm dead.  I've sometimes felt like I am but then I feel a little flame still sputtering.  I don't know if what I've just written really says anything much about me, just thought I'd try the stream of consciousness thing.  I loved reading everybody else's replies.

4/15/10 4:18pm

This is really great stuff Judy...

 

and I can relate to it.  I have always been "naive" and I like to see the good side to things...and I don't think this is a bad way to be...it is just is.  I sometimes see the world with the eyes of a child even though I am...on the mature side now.

 

I think that you are wonderful Judy..caring and compassionate and just an all around good person.

 

Thanks for sharing...

4/15/10 5:41pm

Hi MM. For that question I have no clear cut answer nor do I know how to answer. I am a diehard romantic who finds that most do not think on my wave length. Many function on what appears  more reasonable to them, realistic. My romanticism is real to me and can't understand many peoples reasoning  which I find cold and unfriendly. They tell me life isn't that way and that I live in a fantasy. I think I should have been born to another era. One perhaps more harsh but truthful. You knew where you stood. I don't know whether or not the depression has so strongly impacted me that I don't see things as they are, only as I wish they were.  All I know is that a pervasive and dreadful cloud hangs over me and the night is my constant companion.  I have never been in love, not really, as it takes two baby , it takes two. I have loved others but not received in return. I have had those that loved me, but I found know delight in them. They were not "the one". I believe in chemistry and love to the death, I would pine my life away had I found her only to loose her in some way. Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre paint pictures I can relate to in many ways. The leaves have all but fallen from the tree, and love has escaped me. Without love I see no reason to breathe, may I not awake come tomorrow's morn.  The poem Thou blind fool love Sonnet 137 by William Shakespeare

Thou blind fool, Love, what dost thou to mine eyes
That they behold and see not what they see?
They know what beauty is, see where it lies,
Yet what the best is, take the worst to be.
If eyes corrupt by overpartial looks,
Be anchored in the bay where all men ride,
Why of eyes' falsehood hast thou forgèd hooks,
Whereto the judgment of my heart is tied?
Why should my heart think that a several plot
Which my heart knows the wide world's common place?
Or mine eyes seeing this, say this is not
To put fair truth upon so foul a face?
In things right true my heart and eyes have erred,
And to this false plague are they now transferred.   

I can't write any further. I feel the weight pressing down and the fatique so great.   My history too long and desperate. Who am I? Yes, Who am I?

4/15/10 6:35pm

Hi there

 

I am glad you were able to comment after your problems with tech issues here.

 

Well...this is one of Shakepeare's "Dark Lady Sonnets" and so it seems you have been hurt...very deeply... is my interpretation.

 

Is this hurt the source of your depression?

 

I am sorry you were hurt and I hope you can overcome your past to embrace the future.

 

 

4/16/10 12:43pm

I want to apologize to all female readers of these posts if you found even an ounce of offense from Shakespeare's Sonnet. It was not intended to offend but rather my pain was spilling over. I will try and keep my emotions in check and if I find I can not will refrain from posting. Again my deepest apologies.

4/17/10 8:03pm

I don't think you should have to apologize for quoting Shakespeare.  Nor do I think you should stop posting because you are afraid to offend someone.  I would say differently if you were being purposefully mean or using profanity or being uselessly obnoxious.  But I did not sense any of that in your post; just a profound despair.  I hope you get some support from this site; as I certainly do.

4/17/10 8:50pm

Thank you anne. But the sonnet was about a dark lady per se. But not directed at anyone here on this forum. As I was upset at past and/or present matters in my life. I have been encouraged from this site, and again thank you for not taking offense. 

4/30/10 10:14pm

A child of the KING. I am your brother. I am your friend. I am your advisor.  I am your comforter.  I am who you need me to be for the betterment of yourself. Jesus said, quoate,  " I DID NOT COME TO BE SERVED, I CAME TO BE OF SERVICE AND A SERVENT TO ALL!!!!!!.

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By Merely Me— Last Modified: 05/16/11, First Published: 04/14/10