We have all heard the term “sex addiction” before. The gossip magazines love to feature celebrities who are famous for their sexual addiction. Famous sexual addicts include Tiger Woods who made the news for months, not for golfing, but for his many sexual exploits and David Duchovny, whose real life mirrors his sex obsessed character on the television show, “Californication.” There is even a reality show called, “Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew” in which celebrities show their struggle to overcome their sexual addiction.
As popular as the term, “sexual addiction” is, what do we really know about it? Can this truly be considered an addiction much like an addiction to alcohol or heroin? And if this is a true addiction then why is sexual addiction not included as a diagnostic category of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders? How does depression play a part in sexual addiction? If one is considered to have a sexual addiction what can be done about it? This post will try to provide answers to these questions and more.
What is sexual addiction?
The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health gives a conservative estimate that as many as 3 to 5 percent of Americans may fall into the category of having a sexual addiction. The true percentage may be higher because many individuals with sexual addiction do not admit that they have a problem. There is no single consensus of what constitutes a sexual addiction in the literature. One definition is that a sexual addiction is any sexually related compulsive behavior which interferes with normal living and causes severe stress on family, loved ones, and one’s occupation. Like any addiction sexual addiction means that the individual will sometimes risk everything they cherish in order to get their “fix.”
There are a wide variety of compulsive behaviors which may fall under the broad category of sexual addiction which may include compulsive masturbation, unsafe sex with a variety of partners, or extensive use of pornography or sexual services. Despite efforts to stop, the individual with a sex addiction may find themselves continuing to engage in self destructive behaviors. As Dr. Drew Pinsky, addiction expert and host of VH1’s “Celebrity Rehab” reports, sexual addiction isn’t simply about promiscuity. He and other experts agree that sexual addiction is not about sex but is a problem with intimacy. The sex addict may be afraid of intimacy so they use sex as a substitute for human connection.
How is sexual addiction related to depression?
Depression and anxiety may be the underlying disorders which fuel a sexual addiction. Some experts say that sexual addiction is really a coping mechanism to numb painful feelings and memories. This theory seems to be confirmed in interviews with persons having a sexual addiction. In a 2004 Dateline NBC article entitled, “Battling Sexual Addiction,”one female interviewee talked about “feeling rotten” as the precipitating factor before she acted out sexually. Afterwards she would feel horrible and the cycle would begin again. Other people having a sexual addiction agree that it isn’t about the sex but more about escaping pain or reducing anxiety. The guilt and shame over their actions causes some sexual addicts to contemplate suicide just to stop the endless cycle.
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Hi MM
Thats hard for me to read
I think there right about the number who are sex addicts
My question is there any women sex addicts
I was wondering why they weren't mentioned
Jon
well I managed to read the rest of it
How do I talk about it
I talk to my therapist
I have other issues that seem more pressing
I just dont know
Jon
Dear Merely Me/All, I feel that psychiatry may be slow to label Sexual addiction as a disease on account of the amount of child abuse/Rape and the fact that a precedent could be set to 'cure' serial offenders in these catagories [just a thought].
I do believe that Sex can become impulsive and addictive, anything that takes you out of reality and away from the feeling of being alone, and fuse you with another and give pleasure is bound to be addictive. The added 'dangers' are addictive as well.
However, I risk scorn here but truthfully, I feel its all too easy for Celebrities both male and female, who have admirers throwing themselves at them, to engage in myriads of sexual encounters, affairs, still have their wives/husbands and then play 'ive an illness, im a sex Addict' when caught out. Its something that could be used.
I think loneliness can be at the centre of sexual addiction too and many people with a social phobia [males in particular because they become aroused visually] could become addicted to Sex via internet porn. I believe this is more common than we realise. A lonely or Depressed person can turn to the quick fix, the build up, at the press of a button [Laptop] anytime, anyplace. ... yes its addictive.
Michael Douglas, was one of the first , I believe, to come out and say he was attending Sex addicts anonymous for his total addiction to casual encounters [sex].
Like you say Merely Me, masturbation [ a lonely but safer form of sexual satisfaction] when done to excess could be classed addictive but its an antidote to anxiety , insomnia and tension.
I dont neccessarily think that one has to be Depressed to be a Sex Addict. Many people are DNA wise, addictive by nature. Some extremely depressed people are very tight laced and never step out of line.
I think its too easy to put everything down to depression. I do know I eat and go for sugar when Im hurt, or unhappy, or upset. This isnt depression though, its a sort of bandage for feelings something to numb the pain, I think casual sex can be like sugar and food addiction - ~ Being on SSRI medication means that my sexual feelings are greatly diminished. most people I know on these meds have the same side effects, it takes alot to get us folks going in that department.
Well guess you cant have it all. So thats my few dollars worth.
Its worth noting the society we live in and how Sex is thrown at us left right and centre, its used to sell Cars, soap etc., sex without love is now the norm and things have changed greatly . This has to change peoples perceptions and uses of sex.
Internet Sexlines too, like Lottery Cards and Gaming halls are addictive in that the build up and excitement can become very addictive, and expensive !!!
In answer to your question Jon...yes there certainly are women who have what can be considered a sex addiction. Further along in the article I talk about the women.
Hope you are doing well today. Good to see you as always.
Thank you Rose for your insightful opinions on this topic. I had not known about Michael Douglas...I guess I can sort of see that. I think sex addiction has come to the public because of celebrities. As a culture we seem obsessed with sex and who does what. In other countries...I am not so sure people would be labeled with a sex addiction but I am not sure.
I agree that depression may not always be associated with sexual addiction...for some...I think boredom or simply being used to relating to people through sex because they have that power...may be the reason for some.
You know I always enjoy your comments Rose because you tell it like it is. Your honesty of expression is always appreciated.
Hi Merely Me, just dawned on me reading the posts this evening on sexual addiction - there are quite alot of Religions that allow men to have many wives especially in the East, and of course the Harem ! Was the man an addict or following a tradition of male dominance and choice without risk of pregnancy ?
The old Mormon church and even the old christian Testament said 'Increase and multiply' so many wives and cuncubines were taken. Interesting to note the women werent told to take a load of men.
Ive enquired as to how Muslim women feel when their husband takes a 2nd or 3rd wife. Many ARE jealous and fearful. Ideally this is not supposed to happen but human nature is one to one and perhaps, males are more likely to stray from a safe port once in a while because of the visual and easily aroused nature of their physical make up. Making excuses ? No. Youve brought up lots of questions in my head Merely Me. About society, about monogomy, chastity and the joys of being in a one to one relationship and the rewards [im not currently in one]. I think nothing beats Sex where there is great love and respect and the act is not only pleasurable and delicious, but a way of showing that love.