Dear Merely Me, Here, most of the cars dont make that tick tick sound when indicating. Not much help to you. Is there anyway you could make it into a sort of thing you say 'out loud' as in Tick Tick Tick, and there's a reward system ?

I myself nearly go crazy at the sound of somebody chewing gum. If theres somebody behind me chewing it noisily and slowly, it puts me into a sort of seizure state. Other noises too. Certain pieces of music. I'm sorry I cant be of help here.  ~  I agree about the Fresh Flowers. I Budget for them and have them in the tiny livingroom here where I can look at them. They are therapuetic and beautiful. The Sachets that make them last help as does a few spoons of sugar or a tiny drop of bleach.

Joy in my life ? I think if I had a Nice Permanent abode where I had decent facilities and peace of mind. I have situations which I can't change, as in no family support etc., this perpetuates Depression and it is my great wish to come to terms with it. Not just verbally, but in my heart. To really accept the things i cant change. Stop blaming myself and to find CONTENTMENT FROM WITHIN.

I do feel some worthy work would help too. I think I need to think abit more on that one. Its a heavy question and Im going to think about it. I believe we are responsible for our own happiness. Im not talking about the awful bouts of Depression. A few good friends, even one, interests, a sense of humour, a love of music /Books, nature, something that takes us out of ourselves.

Merely Me, that's interesting about the Repetitive sounds and M.S.  I'm not talking about a leaking dripping tap. that would annoy me if I were v stressed.

Nope. this is something different, like I said, the chewing gum, it literally sends me into a weird partial seizure state and I tingle all over.Certain chords in songs do that. Shapes on Carpets too. Ive found that my friend Tom who has Autism is like me in that we hate too much stimuli going on around us, it makes us feel v stressed, its as if our brains cant multitask. I need to sit at the wall when in a cafe or restaurant as the people going by, the people around me talking is too much , different sounds, etc. it brings on great panic. ~  Certain Colours are too much 4 me. Red is nice but a Red coat or red outfit is too much for me, it excites my nervous system. Do I sound like Ive lost it ?  I think kids bedrooms can be effective in calming them, and us.  Someday maybe Merely Me we can compare sounds that drive us mad or send us into a mild seizure state.

I dont feel Ive that much Wisdom  but thanks anyway.  My favourite flowers have to be white roses, I just adore them or slightly pinkish white. I also love a country bunch with lotsa colours. They cheer the heart.

Hi Merely Me, I agree about the DNA faulty wiring. I remember being with the Doc. alone, as a child suffering with dreadful panic attacks and migraines. We didnt have a name for them then. He did ask 'Is there any Epilepsy in your family? or is anyone in a Hospital with 'nerves'?'  ~   A nice way of asking me was there insanity in the family.   My mother who didnt rear  me suffered from Depression since Childhood. I believe she has a personality disorder. She is completely and utterly self absorbed and has the Self awareness of a 12 year old. My father, in his 90s and living with a new girlfriend [I believe] is a total psycopath. This term was used in court about him.  He is without conscience.

So - Even though reared by a woman with no mental illness. I have inherited the genes.   ~    My friend is  50years of age. His brother James and me, have come to the conclusion he is autistic. He was a boyfriend for years and alas, has too many problems. He wont take meds. He needs them !! He has great anger and outbursts of anger. He lives in  his own world and although v intelligent, has no social skills, is v dyslexic. Cant change a plug or wash a cup properly. He has 'rituals' like at 5pm each day he MUST have his Supper. He becomes panicky if he cant eat at that time. He says prayers during the day and has rituals of his own [not Roman Catholic] he touches things, holds items.   He is a compulsive hoarder and his rented apt is a no go area. He goes through a special ritual in getting up and if that is interrupted, he becomes dreadfully angry.

Its hard to understand his speech at times as he goes into tangents. Security follow him around shops and Dept. Stores all the time as he has this 'angry aura' deep down, he relates to pets and is v kind. I hope this has given you some idea .  Finally - they have proven scientifically that Schizophenia/Depression are from the same circuits, much like a flu, where one person gets a chest infection and the other a dreadful cough. they are related, in the Brain.  I believe Autism and Aspbergers are all interlinked too. Sorry this is so long.

I wonder if everyone who has had depression feels they have suffered more than most people in the world.  I know I feel that way, but it is difficult to look at life from another's point of view, isn't it?  Then I think of people who suffer real physical hunger and deprivation ever day of their lives.  Their lives are not worth less than mine; mine is not worth more than theirs.  I think they find moments of happiness and fulfilment in small things.  How grateful I am to be so blessed as to have almost every need met.  But at times I feel cursed...more by schizophrenia than by depression.  It eats at me daily, undermines my desire to make my own place in the world.  Too often, the place I end up (through no fault of my own) is an empty room -- my inner self.  The world of psychosis is a room swirling with color and action, drowning in the stimulation of my senses.  Sometimes I miss it.  Without it, I struggle along.  With it, I struggle along.  But I think if I really gave in to it, there might be a place of no return, and I certainly don't want to go there.

Hey Donna

Been wanting to reply back to you for awhile. I guess I am worried that you may be tempted to not take your medication?  Or am I reading this wrong?  Can you say more about the lure of your schizophrenia?  Are there good things about it? 

Mainly just wanted to see if you are okay.  Let us know how things are going.