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9/ 2/10 5:23pm

Hi M/M, personally, I think the photo is cute, I would have thought you were miles away, in pensive mood, rather than Depressed. It's very like a professional photo. Your eyes are huge. ~ As a 17year old, during a dreadful bout of illness

[Depression which masked as Anxiety] I had such self loathing that I went and burnt all photos of myself. I felt I was totally ugly. I had Acne at the time and it had ravaged my skin which , I confess, I had been proud of as it was soft and flawless. This was the last straw for me. ~ As a child, there were infact very little photos taken of me. None on my Confirmation Day as I spent that alone,

Recently I have been trying to contact people whom I played with etc to see if they have any childhood or teenage pictures. My grandparents never took any of me so there's this huge Gap.

I never looked Depressed in the few pics that I have got. Recently, pictures of me

look happy and I have a round face and I smile easily so there is no hint of the Sadness. however, an Artist who asked to paint my face said she sensed dreadful sadness when I was off guard and the sadness DID come out in the portrait.

9/ 3/10 12:24pm

How interesting that an artist captured your sadness when you were off guard. I think the lack of emotion (when I was depressed) at about age 16 definitely shows in photos. Sure enough, I looked emotionless. Dull eyes.

9/ 3/10 2:50pm

Hi Donna, That's interesting that your Depression came through in your photos when you were 16. i was deeply unhappy and anxious at that age too.

9/ 3/10 4:55pm

Hi Rose

That is something that the artist felt your depression. I am sorry you don't have many photos from childhood. I really don't either. My mother and father were poor and most of my photos were from school photos. I have no photos of me and my father together which saddens me.

I suppose in retrospect...not sure what I was actually feeling there...boredom...daydreaming...apapthy. But it was definitely a time in my life when I was depressed. Classmates remarked about it as in telling my best friend, "Why does she always look so sad?"

We all have the smiling photos...but when I look at mine...there is something in my eyes which gives me away. Not sure if others would see it or not.

Oh...you had spoken of acne...I had it too...and well into my adult years. In my late thirties I finally went to a dermatologist who gave me wonderful prescriptions and I still have flare ups but for the most part...my skin is so much better. I would highly recommend a dermatologist for skin issues...if only I had done this earlier on.

Thank you Rose for your comments...you have been on fire lately as far as writing and contributing to the site...it is highly appreciated.

jpw2008

9/ 2/10 6:09pm

Most of my pictures of the past I looked sad

I looked like I was in pain

My photo on here is the best look I had

Jon

9/ 3/10 4:57pm

Hi Jon

I do like your photo. Have you always had this one on the site? Did you have a different one before? It would be so interesting to see all the photos from members...wish there was a way we could do that.

Thank you for your comment...hope you are doing good today.

9/ 2/10 9:11pm

I have just the opposite reaction to photos. Our family photos are total lies! We all have these pasted smiles on our faces & look "happy" at the yearly Christmas party my father's office had or at the company picnics in the summeer, but I think of those photo albums as being like those Christmas letters that some people write that are totally false & cherry & never write about the true things that are happening in the family if they are negative.

Like you don't write about how Mother just got out of the mental institution again or finished another round of ECT's & we're keeping our fingers crossed that they will work this time. And Brother just got out of juvenile hall, but the school refused to accept him back so we are going to put him in a boarding school for troubled teens.

And Dear Daughter is depressed & gaining weight at an alarming rate; but since Father is off with his mistress & Mother is too busy with her bourbon, meals are not being prepared for her so frozen pizza & Minute Rice seem to be her staples.

There are no photos of Mother with her blackened eyes after the shock treatments (this was in the 1960's so I understand they are not as "strong" now so don't have that effect); no photos of Dear Daughter after she got her stomach pumped in the ER after a suicide attempt. Father & his mistress didn't capture their trysts for the photo album...

So "real life" went unrecorded in photos but is seared in the memory. Those photos are fake...

9/ 3/10 12:29pm

Very true. I look at the family photos and remember what was REALLY going on at the time. My sister was dying of cirrhosis of the liver, my Dad had Alzheimer's, my mother was losing weight due to stress, my younger sister was in the midst of a divorce, the kids were unhappy w/o their dad there, my bro and sis-in-law were just there because it was expected of them, and so on. I was the most depressed one...but maybe we all were depressed at that time. Things have gotten better. Yes, I still paste a smile on my face but the family photos are still a farce.

9/ 3/10 5:01pm

Hello "S"

This was a very powerful commentary. I am wondering how many people out there have had a similar experience...with the smiling photos to cover up what was actually going on behind the scenes. Did you feel that your family was hiding? Do the photos make you feel...angry...sad...betrayed?

I am really hoping that you will write and comment more on this site...you have much to say and we want to hear it.

S/trigger alert

9/ 3/10 5:33pm

Hi, M/M. Mostly the photos make me feel very confused. They are like "proof", "evidence" that my "reality" isn't true. That my father's dismissing my "depression" w/the remark: "You have nothing to be depressed about." (Like my mother committed suicide after many attempts in a gruesome way; she was abusive; he was neglectful & a "functioning alcoholic"; that all of us children lived in our own private hell {one brother claims my mother sexually abused him--I don't know; I didn't witness it, but she did do sexually inappropriate things w/me that I didn't understand such as "examining me {my genitials} for STD's" before I even knew what the heck sex was!; my sister was locked in the dark closet while the rest of us were in school while my mother had her male visitors & my sister claimed that is how she learned "patience" in that she learned to just sit for hours & hours on ends in the dark playing w/the shoes quietly & that was her lesson in patience! And I didn't learn this until about 30 years after the fact!)--so of course, I had nothing to be depressed about!

Plus, my depression (& suicide attempt at the boarding school I attended) kind of cramped his partying lifestyle as the school made him take me out of school for 2 weeks (I'm assuming they told him to "get me some help"--which did not occur. He was just very angry that I had done that behavior & messed up his scheduled parties as a depressed teenager didn't quite fit into his lifestye). But then again he had already been through all that w/my mother & she had had many attempts & did end up completing her suicide 3 weeks after my attempt so he was probably sick of the whole mental illness thing. Just get over it & let me have my gin.

The photos make me sad to see, because they are so fake. And I needed some help & no one helped me (needed an adult to help me). And they make me question my reality as they confirm what my father said or doesn't say about what life was like...

9/ 3/10 5:42pm

Hi again

That must feel very lonely...to have your reality challenged like that. I am so sorry that all these happened to you and your siblings. These things should not happen to children but...they do...everyday. Someone should have helped you. You were an innocent child and your childhood was stolen away. It wasn't...and isn't fair.

I am hoping that you have some help now...some supports...someone to talk to about all this.

Please feel free to write here anytime. I hope in some small way it helps.

S/trigger alert

9/ 3/10 6:32pm

Hi, M/M--actualy I write all the time, but use different "names" (Suzanne, S, or just random stuff as I was kind of criticized at another site so I'm a little wary; don't feel it here, but still "hide" sometimes if I'm afraid what I post might make someone angry at me for some unknown reason--as I had a lot of that growing up--people getting angry at me for unknown reasons).

Anyway, yes, I do have (or had) a lot of wonderful help w/my T (who just retired on July 1). She also did my DBT group & EMDR & my meds provider (have dx of bipolar 1, PTSD & acute anxiety & ADHD) is a psychiatric nurse practictioner who has been w/me for 15 yrs. & has been a wonderful support & friend & works w/me in a collaborative relationship.

Unfortunately, I have had some major chronic pain conditions pop up that haven't been able to be treated so I'm seeing a pain management doc & a neurologist & have been going through a lot of tests (wow--one was very painful the other day--electromyography or something like that w/needles being put in my hands, legs, arms, feet & then making me move them while doc looked at screen to see what my nerves were doing, I guess, & then they put "cattle prods" on me & kept increasing the electrical currents on these same areas so that I was flopping on the table like a trout out of water!!).

Then the next day I had a brain scan & a cervical scan (MRI's) which are very painful as I have been in treatment for chronic back pain & lying down is the most painful postition for me. So I ended up in the ER w/the incredible pain on 2/1 & the steroids in the IV helped calm down some but not all & then the hand pain is increasing & is weird--like hot nails being hammered into my fingers & palms & intense numbness & tingling that doesn't sound like it hurts but just touching a piece of paper or fabirc hurts so much. I wear gloves at home to try to not touch things.

I've also taken advantage of NAMI, DBSA & Mental Health America & anything else I can find!

CJinLV

9/ 2/10 10:44pm

Hi M/M & all,

M/M, as I look at your photo you seem more like you're a million miles away than depressive. Lovely pic, too!

As I look back on photos of me, I always seemed to look pretty happy, particularly in hogh school. Maybe I was a great actor as a youth?

I guess I was always somehow "conscious" of the camera & what it can reveal? Too bad we can't attach photos in the "reply" forum.

Carl

9/ 3/10 3:21pm

Hi Carl, Yes, regarding those photographs, i think I had an inate warning system that told me to 'Act now, smile, be happy' I would just beam and make my eyes look happy. It's so obvious now that i must have realised then, that there was

something inside, something very very sad, that I must let be seen in those photographs. We are all Grammy award Actors on this Site Ive always reckoned.

9/ 3/10 5:05pm

Hey Carl...

Thanks. I suppose...as I was telling Rose...not sure what I was actually feeling but when I did see the picture...it was so different from everyone else's...that I felt exposed....like people could see my depression. It is fascinating to hear what others see in a photo as opposed to what we think we see.

There are some primitive societies who fear that a photo will capture one's soul. Maybe sometimes they do!

I do think there is a way to send photos in reply messages or comments...let me try it out sometime and see. It would be great to see member photos.

CJinLV

9/ 3/10 8:29pm

Thanks M/M & Rose. Of course there's always ones' profile, however I 've had a tough time getting my primary photo to post; all of the other photos within my profile are fine. Hmmmmm.

9/ 4/10 6:59am

Sorry Carl, Hands bad at moment with Arthritis so of course that sentence as you

probably gathered, should have read, that i must have realised, that there was something very very sad inside, to make me smile so widely and even to make my eyes look happy. I have growning kids have an inate wisdom and a knowing on some level that 'somethings not right inside'

9/ 3/10 1:07am

Even in your depressed photo, you still take great pictures. You have huge pretty eyes and great hair.

I myself hate seeing pictures of myself. I have not burned them like Rose but I do hide them away so no one can see them. I dodge the camera as much as possible. If I do get caught, I usually had the fake smile along with the fake happiness. I have always been a good actress when it comes to hiding the real me.

9/ 3/10 1:12am

Speaking of photos has reminded me of some pictures I drew in school. I think depression comes out in art as well. I drew some dreadful stuff, sad faces with shadow images of people in the iris of an eye and etc. I had an art teacher one time who saw one of my drawings and with astonishment asked, "do you want to talk about it?" When I looked at her with surprise (as a young teenager), she simply chuckled and walked away.

9/ 3/10 9:45am

I once worked for my state's child protective agency. I worked with a family which consisted of a single father, a boy in the 3rd grade , a girl in kindergarten, and a 3 year old girl. The older girl's teacher had noticed signs of sexual abuse, as well as neglect. While investigating the sexual abuse, I learned that the father had the boy join him in sexually abusing his sisters. When his teacher asked the class he was in to draw pictures of themselves, he drew himself as a monster.

On the first try in court, the judge would not agree to the children being removed from the home. It took 13 more months, a report by a young woman who'd been in foster care herself, and a lot more work for that to happen. Ultimately, they were all adopted by the same family.

Having a sexual abuse by father history myself and knowing the aftereffects--which include self-loathing as well as depression, I've wondered about the then-boy who felt he was a monster and his sisters and if they've been able to overcome their bad feelings about themselves.

patsy

9/ 3/10 12:36pm

I have thrown away all my school photo albums. There were too many sad times back then and no one knew I was depressed. I didn't even know it -- I just knew something was wrong. Other people seem to cherish their old school photos. I look at the single shots and think that is just what I was -- all alone and not attached to anyone else, in terrible inner pain. I think after my mom is gone, I will get rid of a lot of the other photos. My older sister went through all the family photos once (even the ones Mom had hung on the wall) and cut her face out of all of them. Since my sister is dead now, my mom hates it that the pictures are missing.

Photo adverse

9/ 3/10 2:35pm

From the comments, it seems many have the same situation as I. Seeing these photos of the family w/smiles & blowing out the bday candles is so "unreal" as they are "true"--the photo was taken; it doesn't lie (didn't have photo shoot or whatever those editing programs were back then!) but they were lies! We were actors!

Somehow I knew that it would be shameful to reveal the things going on in my household. At a certain point, it was unavoidable when I had to call the police for fear of my mother killing my brother or she was clearly visible to the neighbors running in front of the cars in the street trying to have them run over her...

But my father was prominent (as in rich & his business influential) & he was someone who apparenty had some "power" as some strange "things" (events) got swept under the rug legally (again in the 60's & early 70's) & no one seemed to get involved w/us kids or maybe we were really good actors! I know it was horribly embarrassing to have my 2nd grade teacher take me aside & explain about washing my face consistently (sleep in my eyes, apparently) & in the 4th grade not being able to tell time or use a ruler, etc. as no one at home had time for that sort of thing when basically you were trying to avoid major crisis & trying to figure out how to "read" the situation & later a hair dresser saying something about people who don't wash their necks (guess who was not taught to wash her neck or behind her ears & now scrubs her skin raw? A teacher in another grade had to mention the elbows).

But I have some of these old photos & brought them in to show my T mainly to show her how beautiful physically my mother was as that seemed to be a very big deal for my father & for her (& my father told me the reason she killed herself was she "was losing her looks" at the age of 45--which she definitely was not & she was very ill w/a mental illness & in & out of mental institutions--getting ECT's & all sorts of treatments to no avail--so I was very angry w/him for saying that as she was tortured w/her mental illness; but I somehow have incorporated his values of a "woman's worth" in that I also attempted suicide after a negative comment about my weight gain due to psych meds).

But my T was sitting next to me & innocently said about my mother in a photo: "She looks happy!" It was a photo taken about 3 days before she finally suceeded in killing herself in a horrendous way & of course, my T didn't know that & I didn't reveal it in my voice or face or words, but I was devastated that my "reality" was again being "invalidated." My mother was "happy." What do I have to be depressed about? Common comment of my father's. Look at these happy photos!

9/ 3/10 3:08pm

Hi, I read your post with great interest. I think your father just couldnt/cant face the fact that your mother was desparately unhappy, perhaps he felt , beauty and wealth were some kind of Insulation against Depression - Not so !!

I remember a Therapist I had one time who kept saying 'But youre so pretty' It finally got to the stage when I felt like screaming, 'what the heck has that to do with pain and loss and abuse ? ~ Youve just brought up a memory for me

I too wasnt taught to wash my teeth or wash my face or hair properly and was put infront of the class for same and jeered. Things were v different back in the late 50s. Kids of 9 werent street wise and I can remember a nun getting some type of Household Cleaner [Liquid Gumption?] in a tin, and scrubbing my neck raw as well as my hands. I was mortified, humiliated and felt deeply ashamed.

There is so much Denial and Acting and Pretence isnt there ? within families, within societies, withing Churches. Anything to protect the good name.

We were pawns in that game, but Thank God dont have to be anymore.

I was very sad reading your post

Sorry One

9/ 3/10 4:18pm

Rose: That's why I made the notation of a "trigger." I hope I didn't reawaken too much "stuff." It is truly mazing how much "stuff"--details of life that most people don't think twice about (like how to keep yourself clean, or how to use a ruler or tell time, even assignments in school that I had no one to ask what "Current Events" meant in the 2nd grade {I heard "Carne Events" & just copied what the person in front of me said when it was my turn to stand up in front of the class & tell what I had read in the newspaper or heard on the news, but I didn't understand the assignment as I didn't know what the words "Carne Events" were so, of course, the teacher accused me of cheating!!} But I didn't know how else to figure out how to do the assignment with no help!).

Even the school guard yelling at me, "Single file! Single file!" I didn't know what that meant! I thought it might mean to walk on the white line of the cross walk (yeah, I never claimed to be too bright as if I just observed all the other kids they were walking one behind the other "single file" I would have realized what "single file" meant). But, no, I just kept walking on the white stripe & getting screamed at & not knowing what else to do...

My husband helped me so much so now my children have memories of trips to the beach going clamming, camping, learning to ski, reading books aloud, hiking, but mostly loving parents... It is so wonderful that the type of memories of childhood I have has not been perpetuated.

Again, I apologize if I awakened some hurtful memories...

9/ 3/10 4:53pm

To continue the theme a bit (unrelated to photos) I went through a number of years so sick w/mental illness that I never brushed my teeth and had trouble just accomplishing normal hygiene that people take for granted. My sister came by one day, looked at me from behind and gasped, "Oh, your neck -- what is wrong with it. You'd better take a look at it in the mirror." I believe she thought it might be cancer. There were what looked like large black moles. But yes, I knew what they were. Dirt. I washed them off in front of her and said I guessed I just forgot to scrub my neck. I'm sure she thought, "Oh gross!" Or at least, that's what I thought. So I started taking showers instead of a bath and scrubbed myself from head to foot. Embarrassing to tell.

9/ 3/10 5:10pm

Hi Rena!

Thank you for the nice compliment...but wow...I didn't feel that way about myself. I mostly wanted to hide from people...I was pretty shy.

There seems to be a theme here that many of us hid our depression...especially from the camera. I had no idea that this little post would garnish so many comments...it has been very eye opening to read how so many of us tried to hide our depression from the rest of the world.

9/ 3/10 5:18pm

Just wanted to say thank you for all the comments and discussion...I see we have some new members writing...it is all wonderful to see.

I think each one of us has many stories to tell and I see great overlap in the events which have shaped our lives. There is a common thread in all of the comments. You tend to think of yourself as alone...and you find...there are all these people out there who have gone through hell and back too.

Thank you again for contributing and sharing...I am greatly hoping that this type of community involvement will keep going.

9/ 3/10 9:26pm

What a terrible thing for all of those children. I hope they are all much better now. I wonder how they all get along with each other now that they all have been able to stay together. I hope they have loving, caring and good new parents.

You know what an awful thing this is. I am so sorry that this happened to you. Thanks for the comment. Take care of you!

9/ 3/10 10:51pm

It rips my heart out to read your post. What awful things for you to have to live thru and to remember. I am so sorry that all of this happened to you. On a happier note,...It sounds like you have learned from those terrible experiences and become a wonderful wife and mother. I bet our children had a fabulous childhood and you had a wonderful time having a "second childhood" raising them. I hope so. Thank you for posting this.

I had similar issues with not being taught how to wash and etc. I learned that I was suppose to use toilet paper after going to the restroom when I was in junior high and spent the night with a friend. She was the same age as me and taught me. Terribly embarrassing. I had not idea. I was not taught person hygiene but I was taught how to do laundry and cook by the time I was 5.

Several of us had the same issues. How strange is that? Take care.

9/ 3/10 10:57pm

Pictures do seem to be very important to a lot of people. Look at all the poeple who are in to scrap booking. I think that if photos remind people of happy times, it it great. But, for us, photos remind us of very unhappy, bad, tragic, sad times or how fake the photos are because they are hiding the true lives of those who are in the photos.

We don't need to be reminded of the past. We need to work on enjoying today and making better futures for ourselves. As Scarlett said in Gone With the Wind, "After all,...Tomorrow is another day!" HaHa

9/ 3/10 11:04pm

I think you are right. I think that back when we were children, we all hid our sadness and disfunctional families. It was taught to us as children that what happens at home is to stay at home and not be talked about with friends. It was all about keeping up appearances. In todays world, people talk about depression and a multitude of other issues more openly. Children who show signs of neglect or abuse in schools are (I hope) taken better care of by teachers and etc. I would not wish for any child to be ignored or made a mockary of, like we all appear to have been.

How strange that so many of us had similar issues as children. We were left to fin for ourselves. Children who do not receive love become very depressed adults, it appears. How sad.

9/ 3/10 11:08pm

This was a very good topic MM. Excellent post you did to start all this! All over one photo. Pictures really do mean a thousand words!

9/ 3/10 11:10pm

How sad Donna. I am really sorry about the things you have had to live thru. We don't need pictures to remind us of these things. We will make our own happy.

9/ 4/10 6:57am

HiSorry One, thanks for writing. You awakened memories that would need to be taken out of their file again, just to reiterate to myself, that I had a lousy child

hood at school, and at home, and like you, suffered great humiliation, including

being called stupid and dirty. So - Today, Idont have children to look after but

Its amazing, how your memoires triggered so many of mine. Thanks ! its very

therapuetic. I look at my schooldays and coming home to a house where I wasnt

allowe speak and had to shut door handles 'Shhhhh quiety' as an old man slept.

Where my mothers mom was far too elderly to take care of a little girl and so

I wasnt let out to play with the others. But we're here today and we're ok people and we'd never inflict our pain on others. Which is a great blessing.

I adore animals so I would help abandoned animals so obviosly, I havent

turned into a monster. Take care and thanks again.

LyraStorm

9/ 3/10 8:36am

Hi Merely Me,

I liked that you put up that link to the first post you wrote... not having been on the site at the time it was my first read of it... as for your photo I agree with the others that you look more thoughtful than depressed. Maybe it is simply knowing what was going on behind it yourself that means that you can see the misery?

Personally I think I manage to look relatively cheery in photos - if I know they are being taken. There is a photo of me that was taken at a party I had been family-pressured into going to that my Dad took - he was on a balcony and I was sitting in a chair on the lawn below completely oblivious to his photo taking, alone, staring into nothingness, bored and depressed... I also think some headshots I got a few years back when I tried to get somewhere acting (before my big breakdown) show some of my depression... but maybe that is just me seeing these things...

I also think in home video that my immediate family used to do because we live in Australia and the rest of our family in England shows some of my more reclusive depressiveness here and there... especially when I was young and wasn't camera conscious... It's quite odd, before my younger brother was born I avoided the camera as much as possible, afterwards I was always jumping in front trying to get attention. That isn't too odd in itself - obviously sibling rivalry - the odd thing is watching how secluded I chose to be and shy, etc (my mother always commented about how loud I was as a child but that didn't happen till I was 6, post my younger brother, before that I was VERY different - withdrawn, self-imposed loner, caught out quite often in my own worlds looking quite sad...)

9/ 3/10 5:25pm

Hi Lyra!

Yes it is a bit of time travel...going waaay back to geez...two years ago. Isn't that something? So glad you liked reading my earlier post. Sometimes I look back at things I have written even a month ago and I am like...who wrote that?

I have a variety of photos too where I am hamming it up in some instances...being reclusive in others. It is like a frozen moment in time. In some photos I see my genetics...I see my sister or mother's face. It is a little spooky...like we all have these certain same expressions.

I do admire your bravery to act...and be captured frequently on camera. That must be hard to do.

Thank you Lyra...for your comment...love to hear from you.

9/ 3/10 10:28am

MM, I think I can see in your photo the sadness/depression and I get a feeling of fatigue from your eyes--or am I just projecting?

I don't think I have any pics of me that show my depression, but I learned well to "act" okay when things aren't. In my senior school yearbook a girl wrote admiringly of how "calm" I always was; I'd suffered from anxiety for as far back as I could remember. I also remember very clearly at about age 16 or 17 telling my favorite teacher that I just hated myself. I guess I was hoping he could help. I didn't know at the time why I felt that way. My father had been sexually abusing me since I barely had breasts, and the abuse would continue for another 2 or 3 years. However, I didn't realize it was abuse; I thought I was a participant. I now know that abuse, as well as negative effects from my mother's parenting of me and the family's religion, caused those feelings.

The sister next in age to me was our mother's target child for emotional and physical abuse. Although she was a beautiful little girl, she was made fun of by boys in whatever school she attended. (We moved a lot; my dad was a preacher.) I have noticed that her later school pictures show her unhappiness.

MM, I read your article on what it feels like to be depressed and noted "hope" as a part of your emotional makeup. I can say from experience that when a depressed person loses hope, she is in danger. Depression can be terminal. Restoring hope once lost is very difficult.

Thank you for your positive attitude. I appreciate you and your writings!

patsy

9/ 3/10 3:17pm

Hi Patsyg, Isnt it amazing how many of us Depression Sufferers, endured sexual and emotional abuse, even from those who we were supposed to trust and revere, Fathers, Mothers, Priest, preachers and even, in my case a Nun.

It must have been extremely anxiety producing for you to have to listen to all this talk about God and love and know that so much hypocricy was going on in your own house, ~ Regarding your sister, its amazing how common that seems

to be, a mother, picking on one in particular to get the full lash of their abuse and emotional cruelty. Interesting too how the boys saw your sisters, sensed it, the lack of boundaries and low self esteem. Thank God those days are over, even if we still bear some emotional scars. I admire your strength for coming through.

You have a strong spirit.

9/ 3/10 5:30pm

Thanks Patsy...if there is one thing I do wish to hold onto...it is hope. Sometimes this is the last thing you have to your name.

I am very moved by your story.

I cannot even begin to imagine what you and your sister went through. It is just...horrible...inexcusable. It is amazing how resilient the human spirit is to...come back from all of that and live to tell the tale. You are very courageous.

It is both remarkable and sad that so many of us here have endured some sort of childhood abuse. Depression seems...like a very normal reaction.

Thank you for sharing so much and being a vital part of this community. We are glad you are here.

9/ 3/10 7:50pm

Thank you, Rose! You are a strong person also; you are surviving! I, too, am thankful that those years are past and wouldn't have them back for anything.

I've learned that most child sexual abuse is by someone known and trusted. I think there should be no statute of limitations regarding prosecution of child abusers and rapists. They are, I feel, at least "attempted murderers" of a person's spirit/soul and should be punished as murderers are.

I have read and seen a lot about priests who are sexual abusers. I suppose there must be fewer of you who have been sexually abused by a nun or else fewer who are willing to speak out. I can imagine that the damage done could be worse for a child to be sexually abused by a trusted woman in religious authority. I'm sorry this happened to you.

I think my early anxiety came from trying to be "the perfect child" for my parents. I was pretty well brain-washed by them to not see their hypocrisy. It took time (I was about 40) and therapy to see it.

I was raised to take care of my mother's needs. Believe it or not, after my father died and after my youngest sister (the baby of our family and not the one abused by mother) took advantage financially of our mother, I felt sorry for mother and asked her to live with me! Very shortly, I learned my lesson. Now I have no contact with her, because, as my therapist told me, "Think of it like an allergy; having contact with her makes you sick."

patsy