When you have depression it is possible to experience a wide variety of symptoms. I have found that in talking to other people who suffer from depression, that how one experiences any of these symptoms is unique to the individual. For example, the depression symptom of a great change in appetite may mean one person may gain weight rapidly and for another it may mean a disinterest in food resulting in weight loss. Although we have these diagnostic checklists for diagnosing depression, the symptoms we feel and live with day to day can be vastly different from person to person. My goal here is to explore both the commonalities and the differences in how we perceive and experience depressive symptoms.
In previous posts we have talked about the following symptoms of depression:
If you have missed reading any of these articles please feel free to go back and comment about your personal experience with these symptoms. In this post we will be exploring the depression symptoms of feeling guilt and shame.
What is guilt and shame?
Guilt is usually defined as the human emotion of feeling regret or remorse over violating one’s internal values. Shame is thought to result from the feeling of being externally judged and applying that judgment to oneself. Guilt is feeling bad for some action or actions you did or did not do. Shame is the overall feeling that you deserve self contempt. These feelings can be normal in some circumstances and may prevent us from straying from our own internal values as well as those from society. But when it comes to depression, these feelings can become magnified and distorted due to a faulty thought system. In many cases depressive guilt and shame can become toxic and threaten our mental health and well being.
How does toxic guilt and shame manifest during depression?
• You may find yourself constantly apologizing even for things which are not your fault.
• You may blame yourself when anything goes wrong, even for those things not under your control.
• Your mantra is “Everything is my fault.”
• You may sabotage your happiness because you feel you don’t deserve it.
• You may have feelings that you are inferior, unworthy, dirty, untouchable, but not know why.
• We may feel guilt and shame for being depressed because we feel we are letting others down or that we are becoming a burden.
Where does toxic shame and guilt come from?
In my personal experience and in talking with others who suffer from depression, many times these feelings can go back to childhood and especially childhood traumas. Children who have been physically, emotionally, and especially children who have been sexually abused, quite often bear the scars of their abuse in these feelings of guilt and shame. A child does not understand why these things happen and the human response is to put the blame on oneself. There may be an underlying feeling that, “These bad things happened because I am bad.”
