Relationships and Depression: Surviving Valentine's Day with a Live Chat

By Merely Me Monday, February 14, 2011

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Hi everybody

As promised...we are going to have a Valentine's Day chat where you can discuss anything from love to relationships and anything in between.

Topic starters include...

Has your relationship contributed to your depression or has it been a source of support?
Does your depression get in the way of developing romantic relationships?
What does love mean for you?
How do you know when you are really loved?

Just start by giving a comment and I will respond and hopefully others will too!

I hope you guys are out there. Sorry I am late...had trouble getting my computer to come on. I am here and ready to chat whenever you are.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Crappy Birthday

Comments (22) | Add comment

2/14/11 3:28pm

I make bad decisions and I need help making the right ones.

Merely Me

2/14/11 3:29pm

Hello "E" and welcome.

Can you elaborate? Everyone makes bad decisions in life. It is part of being human. Are you talking about in relationships?

2/14/11 3:32pm

I'm trying to get back with my ex and that means I have to change. He doesn't trust me anymore because I cheated and lied and broke up with him multiple times. But I realized it was a mistake and I'm trying to be a good person now, but I still make stupid decisions like drinking too much and making out with random guys. Well this guy wasn't random, he was a friend, but it was still a bad idea because I want to show my ex that I'm NOT a slut and I can be the good person he needs me to be. But I can't do it.

Merely Me

2/14/11 3:34pm

That is a problem...you say you want your boyfriend but you are also saying you can't change. Do you think that the drinking is the underlying issue or is that you just don't wish to commit to your boyfriend? In the best case scenario what do you want for yourself for the future?

2/14/11 3:37pm

I think that drinking is definitely one issue that I have. What I want is to be back with him and have that great relationship we once shared. But it's really hard for me to make positive changes and good decisions. I tend to go for immediate gratification and I know that I should think about the future instead...

Merely Me

2/14/11 3:40pm

Is it possible to limit your drinking to so many drinks? Or to not go where there will be alcohol? One of the things they suggest in AA is to change people, places, and things...associated with drinking. Are there other things you could do instead of drinking and putting yourself in a vulnerable and potentially dangerous situation?

2/14/11 4:41pm

Drinking is just one of my problems. I am going to try to stay away from it as much as I can, but being a 22 year old, it's everywhere.

Merely Me

2/14/11 4:50pm

I hear you. It can be hard to stay out of that environment but I think it would help. Are there any other things you enjoy doing? What do you like to do for fun?

Jannie07

2/14/11 7:58pm

Wow, Your story reads just like mine. I would love to get back with my ex, but because of all the stupid things I have done I fear it will never happen. We have been together on and off since high school about 14 years. I have cheated and lied and hurt him in so many ways I'm surprised we are still friends now. He use to always take me back even though I had been with other random guys. Now he says he will never try a relationship with me again. Drinking and drugs lead to a lot of bad decisions for me and I regret it all, it's just not worth it. I let all that get in the way of what was really important. Now the man I want to be with won't have me. Just think about it and try to look to the future on this one, I know it's hard to do sometimes, but if you really want him and want him to want you you got to let the other stuff go. I wish I had.

Merely Me

2/14/11 4:17pm

I guess I need to promote the chats more...this was a spur of the moment thing.

I will be here until 5ish standard eastern time. If anybody is out there who wants to chat...I am here.

Judy

2/14/11 4:42pm

Hi, Merely Me.....just didn't want you to feel all alone!

I think my marriage has both contributed to my depression and also been a source of comfort - not at the same time, though! When it was bad for my depression was when I wasn't sharing anything with my husband because I felt "bad" for being depressed and, at the time, I was taking my anger out on him. What saved the day was my own work in therapy, plus we've been seeing a couples therapist for years. It really is true that honest communications makes life so much easier.

Hope you're having a nice Valentine's Day! We're going out to dinner with my husband's sister & spouse and I'm sure we'll have a nice time. That's what is nice about being retired - you can even go out on week nights!

Merely Me

2/14/11 4:54pm

Hey there Miss Judy!

Thanks for stopping by. I can see how depression can color any relationship. It is another challenge to deal with. Everyone talks about couple's therapy but is it honestly helpful? There are so many spouses who seem to refuse to go. It is really good that your husband took that step with you.

Happy Valentine's Day to you and I hope you have a great time out. Maybe that is where everyone is...they are probably out celebrating. Or maybe the evening time is better for the chats.

Nephilim

2/14/11 4:51pm

hello- i want my Valentines Day to be one to remeber, but i am having trouble letting go things from the past regarding my boyfriend. He is NOW changed and a better boyfriend than ever, but i still have trouble letting all the wrong he did to me. I want to just drop all those thoughts today, btu i cant seem to shake them. I feel angry, and i am seeing him tonight for a vday dinner. I dont want my mood to ruin the day. Every valentine since 6yrs ago has been not only dedicated to me, but i found out last year, several others. Its hard NOT to think about last yrs vday today, and the ones b4 that one. how can i let go and be positive?

Merely Me

2/14/11 4:58pm

Hey there

That is very hard to deal with and I am not so sure you should let it go. How do you know he has changed? I would be very wary but if you feel things are very different now try to enjoy the present time with him. Is this someone you want to have a future with?

Nephilim

2/14/11 5:04pm

Thank you-

yes i would like to have a future with him. I feel confident things are better because we live together at his familys house, and i see him nearly 24/7, and we go everywhere together except work. He has made efforts to make it work, such as calling me from work so i know he is actually at work, texting me constantly to keep in touch, emailing me, introducing me to people from work and other things. I still have severe trust issues i cannot shake, but i have a habit of sometimes being able to bury away the pain.

--- I seem to have lost hope in finding a new love. When i was single from this boyfriend fr 6mnths I explored, but found more pain, and no happiness,take advantage of, and became a heavy drinker.

Merely Me

2/14/11 5:09pm

Well...hey this all sounds good. It does sound like he is making a lot of effort. Do you love him? Does he tell you and show you that he loves you?

I say give it a go and see what happens. I can understand how you would feel distrustful though.

Nephilim

2/14/11 5:43pm

Yes he does tell me everyday- even when i get into my darkest moods, crying and zoning he is there for me. Talking has actually made me feel a bit better. I do feel sad inside today, but ill keep my focus for now on my work, and family. I hope today goes well. Ill try my best to try and push away these terrible thoughts. Do you think talking to him about how i feel today is a good idea? Or is it bad timing for today?

Merely Me

2/14/11 6:12pm

I guess that totally depends upon you. If it is something you can wait on and tell him tomorrow that would work too. Or if you feel telling him today would bring you closer...that is an option too.

Let us know how things go for you tonight. Thank you so much for joining our chat.

donka shane

2/14/11 7:13pm

I just started a long-winded post and it disappeared.

Ironically I was describing my first month of this year and my seriously contemplating suicide. There's something darkly funny about typing all that out and then having it disappear on me.

I've been downing every over the counter anti-depressant I can find. I had been on Wellbutrin and it caused more problems than did good.

Anyway, I think some substance has kicked in because what I wanted to post here is that today I am having a good day. I have no Valentine, but I feel okay with that. And I might never have a Valentine and I'm okay with that, too. I've had an above average difficult time in my 42 years and I'm reminding myself that I'm doing the best that I can. I've been dealt a tough hand but I still have a hand to play. Today I feel okay. I am grateful for that.

Take care, everybody.

Merely Me

2/15/11 5:25pm

Hello!

I am so sorry that your writing disappeared. Thank you so much for trying again. I am glad to hear that you are feeling good now. We would love to hear more about your journey to wellness.

Please do keep writing. We are very interested in hearing more from you.

Donna-1

2/14/11 7:43pm

It was about the worst movie I have ever seen. Okay for it's intended audience though, I guess (5 year olds?) Not even one good laugh. It borrowed too much from other popular movies, and blatantly so. Plus I thought the Elton John music was going to be NEW music and all I heard was a rehash of his old stuff. Oh well, Mom said she had a good time and that is worth something.

Merely Me

2/15/11 5:28pm

Awwww!

I was seriously considering seeing that movie. Not good? Oh well. There just doesn't seem to be many good movies out anymore. Is it just me? Last good movie I saw in the theaters was Get Low. I plan to buy it when it comes to DVD.

Thanks for sharing about your day. Can't wait to hear about what all is going on with you with regards to your wanting to go back to school...how your mom is doing and also...how the side effects are with your new med.

Relationships and Depression: Surviving Valentine's Day with a Live Chat

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