We have been talking about love and relationships this month and I thought I would explore a slightly different twist on this topic. In this post we are going to talk about the feelings one can develop for their therapist. What is normal and what can be considered out of bounds within the therapeutic relationship?

If you watch television and movies you would think that therapists and patients falling in love, dating, and even having sexual affairs was an everyday occurrence. In the comedy sitcom, The New Adventures of Old Christine, Julia Louis-Dreyfus plays the part of a neurotic divorced mom who keeps trying to find the right relationship. In one episode she begins to going to therapy and finds she is attracted to her therapist, Dr. Max Kershaw played by actor Eric McCormack. Max has already had his license suspended multiple times for getting too close to his patients. But it doesn’t stop him from doing it again and he finds himself falling for Christine. Christine stops going to therapy and begins dating Max. Christine’s brother, Matthew, played by Hamish Linklater, is a budding therapist. He too breaks the boundaries of the therapist-patient relationship and enters into a romantic and sexual tryst with one of his clients.

Then there are movies which depict love affairs between therapist and patient. The award winning film, Prince of Tides, comes to mind as a movie depicting such an elicit relationship. Nick Nolte plays the character of Tom Wingo, who goes to New York to talk to his sister’s psychiatrist, Dr. Susan Lowenstein, who is played by the film’s director, Barbara Streisand. Although Tom is not technically a patient, he assumes that role, in consulting with his sister’s psychiatrist. He begins to discuss his own psychological issues in addition to seeking information which can help his suicidal sister remember traumatic events from childhood. The viewer witnesses the evolution of their mutual attraction and feelings for one another. Boundaries are crossed when they act on their feelings and begin a sexual love affair.

One of my favorite dramatic television series explores the topic of love affairs between therapist and patient in great depth. The HBO series, In Treatment,  dedicates multiple episodes to the romantic and sexual tension present between psychotherapist, Paul Weston, and his much younger patient named Laura. The show does a very good job of delving into the interpersonal dynamics of psychotherapy and also highlighting where things can go awry. When Laura tempts Paul by discussing a detailed story of her sexual exploits we applaud his professionalism in not straying off course. Yet in each session with Laura we begin to see the vulnerabilities and human frailty of this man who happens to also be a therapist. We know that an emotional train wreck is inevitable but we don’t know who will be the victim. We may also wonder if Paul is attempting to trick Laura with some therapeutic technique or if he is really falling for her. When we find that he does have genuine feelings for her and is thinking of acting upon them we want to yell, “Stop! No! Don’t do it!” For me it provoked the sense of great discomfort that the patient’s safety zone in therapy was violated. It was difficult to watch even though it is just a television show.