One of the common laments of someone who suffers from depression is, “Nobody cares.” When someone says these words it is often very hard to assess the reality of the situation. Is it really true that nobody cares or is this just how we feel at this moment in time? I have said these words myself during a therapy session. I was feeling extremely depressed and was very gloomy about the prospects of anyone actually being able to help me. More so I questioned anyone’s motivation to want to help me. This translated into the words, “Nobody cares.” It was an emotional slap in the face to my therapist who was desperately trying to help me but I was refusing to listen. It seemed easier to believe that nobody cared so I didn’t have to care myself.
I remember the image of my therapist cupping his face in his hands in frustration.
Now I have some perspective on what he may have been thinking. How do you convince someone that you care when they don’t feel worthy of love and care in the first place? How do you say “I care” without it sounding shallow or as a clichéd response? How do you show care to a person who refuses to receive it?
In this post we are going to explore the many meanings of the phrase, “Nobody cares” and challenge our assumptions in the process. In a follow up post we are also going to take a look at how depression can rob us of our ability to care about ourselves and others and what we can do about it.
What does it mean when someone says, “Nobody cares”?
• For some people, uttering the phrase “nobody cares” is a way of denouncing their own self worth.
Substitute, “I feel unlovable” or “I don’t feel worthy of care and love” and it makes sense that one would conclude that nobody cares. It is an assumption based upon a faulty initial premise.
How to challenge this belief:
Know that you are worthy of both love and care. Suffering from depression doesn’t make you any less worthy.
“Nobody cares” can also be an angry statement said to provoke a response in others.
Perhaps you are feeling resentful that the people in your life are not paying attention to your suffering. You want them to feel some of the pain you are feeling. So you say something to wake them up and make them feel guilty for not responding to you in the way that you want.
How to challenge this belief:
You can’t force people to care in the ways you expect by using guilt. Rousing anger or guilt in others won’t make them care for you more or get your needs met. Being direct about what you need gives you more of a chance of actually being listened to and receiving a positive response.
This phrase might also be said as a dare as in “I dare you to say you care about me.”
It is a way to turn responsibility to another person for them to prove your worth. It is also a trap for failure because if the other person does say that they care it is easy to denounce. The all or nothing thinking which can go along with depression can elicit “nobody cares,” as well as “this is never going to get better.” These sorts of generalized statements ensure that you will stay at the bottom of your depression because you have made it impossible for anyone to offer you hope.
