1.  How would you rate your week on a scale of 1-10? Earlier in the week it couldn't have been more than a 4 or 5. Now? I feel like its an 8... though yesterday it could very well have been a 10!

 

2.  What was especially good about this week?  Were there any moments which gave you peace?  Did you experience any happy times?  Were there any times which were less sucky than the rest of the week? Earlier in the week I felt very alone and antsy... I felt like a guy who I had been flirting with was no longer interested and that really bummed me out. And I had nothing going on in my life to distract me, though I tried to do some writing and went to watch a movie and read a bit in an attempt to raise my mood.

Then yesterday I took a risk and met up with this great guy and I couldn't be happier. I had the best time with him AND he is still interested, which doesn't happen too often. He just kept on texting after I left and I'm going to see him on Monday again.

 

3.  Tell us about the challenges.  What was hard for you this week? Just getting past the feeling of loneliness. Having never had a relationship, despite being 24, sometimes it is hard to believe that I won't spend my whole life struggling alone. I try to rationalise that you never know what the future shows and I know a lot of people who have found someone to share their life with, so why won't I? I also try to point out I do have some friends in my life and a family who cares, in their own way. It is just hard, sometimes, to get through that wave of crushing depression, isn't it? Luckily this time I had someone step out of nowhere to help me get up. I feel very fortunate. Even if this thing doesn't go anywhere he has at the very least helped me out of a dip and just had a great time with him and I'll be eternally grateful.

Hi Merely Me, all, My site is not working on the posting part and sometimes on the comments part. I am frustrated. My week was 4 I guess of course having moments of 7 or so. My uncle is dying of cancer. My family is a whirlwind of confusion for me. My uncle has told me he does not love my father. When I almost died once due to an allergic reaction to a bug bite, from anaphalatic shock, I felt inspired to tell my brother I loved him. He laughed at my anaphalatic shock reaction to the bug and told me I am 'hard to love'. My father tells me all the time he loves me very much. My mother says 99% of what my father says is a lie and that he is 'evil'. She says his voice cuts. I agree, plus his words cut me to the bottom of the pit. So do my brother's. Years ago, my mother defended my brother to the umteenth degree. Two days ago, she tells me she does not think he is a very nice person, instead he is like my father. She tells me she thinks I am a nice person and so is my uncle and so is she but don't tell my father or brother. My mother says she does not care if my uncle dies or my father dies. She says she cares if I die. Another time, she sent away for a brochure on how to have dignity in ending your life organization for me once when I was suicidal and told me if I tried to end my life again, she would just let me and wouldn't feel any sadder than she does now. whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttt??????????? talk about making one's head spin. I sent flowers to my father and a book, Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul and he seemed very grateful and happy to get them. Then I also sent flowers to my uncle, a couple Bibles a stuffed dalmation puppy, offered to visit, told him I loved him and my father loved him. I also sent an email saying I was grateful he was a second role model for my brother and I growing up and thanked him for talking about my 'bizarre father' and his family at different times, although I love my father very much. I asked my father to forward it since I don't have my uncle's email. Did my father get insulted by the 'bizarre' part? Did he get upset about my supposedly spending more on my uncle's flowers?? I have no idea who feels or thinks what in this family. Oh boy! I got an email back that stung in my heart. My father said when he told my uncle about the email I wanted to send on the phone to ask if he wanted it, he said my uncle had an unkind reaction. My father said I seemed to be more than usually kind and caring right now. My uncle, according to my father said in an unkind voice, "I don't think so" Then my father went on in the email to tell me that he guesses that his brother reacted that way because he thought I was thinking about his money after he died and that he has told my father many times in the past that he thinks I manipulate my father for money. He went on to say I sent him flowers costing $100. Why an amount came up, I have no idea. Further, I spent far less than that. But why does it matter? It was to cheer up the room for him. Plus a letter, the dalmation puppy, the offer to visit. I don't want to visit. I have not seen either one in ten to twelve years. I feel awful around them and stopped going to visit twelve years ago due to all this emotional hell that I feel right now. Am I afraid for my financial future? Yes, I have said that thousands of times to my father. It is true. I have had major depression for 20 years and now chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia. Do I love my father? yes, very much. Has he hurt the hell out of me? yes. He is 82, do I worry for his comfort, care, and support, yes, it keeps me up at night. Do I worry for everyone's? yes, and my own, and I am confused. Others have told me since he has hurt me so much, it is just fair he helps me financially. Well, what in the hell? I feel so much sadness, pain, confusion, fear. For God's sake, I want all of the family members to be happy, comfortable, loved, feel good, and be supportive of one another and love one another. I knew some kind of reaction would occur from this family of mine when I sent Bibles and such to my uncle but I did since it comforts me to read Psalms in my times of deepest pain and fear. confused and exhausted. I emailed my father three pages back. My mother says like many others, why don't you just not talk to him? You don't have to help him because he is old, that is not your responsibility. Well, what in the hell, what in the hell these days with families? You do not leave people who are old. You do not leave family members to suffer. Everyone should be helping everyone. Everyone should be loving one another. I realllllly don't know what to do with all of this and how to handle all this. I am going to a support group for grief next week. And will talk a few times to a grief counselor I think. My mother has gone on a vacation at this time. I think everyone deals with all this stuff differently. I want to save everyone and myself too. had to write this somewhere, it would not let me post