1. On a scale of 1-10 where are you at with your mood this week? I would say this week was about a 7. I've been see-sawing between peace and anxiety. Either one extreme or the other. The anxiety is only because of Easter coming with a family dinner Sunday. Some of my family members make me nervous because of past behavior. I want to be nice to everyone, but sometimes more out of fear than because I'm a "nice person." I was hoping it would just be Mom and me, but now it's got to be cooking a turkey and setting a formal table and getting out the good silverware. I'm not in the mood for it. If I had the balls, I'd just tell Mom I'm not coming. But then I'd be the only one who doesn't show and I have to go anyway to help her get the turkey in and out of the oven.
2. Were there any good moments to report? Was there anything which made you feel happy or peaceful? Did you learn anything new about yourself? I felt peaceful when I meditated and focused on calmness and took a Klonopin(lol). Anything new about myself? No, pretty much the same old thing.
3. What were the challenges of this week? How did you cope? Dealing with getting Mom everywhere she wanted to go was a challenge, as I have mentioned in previous posts. Also I ran out of money last week and had to sell 2 pair of eyeglasses back to LensCrafters in order to pay my bills and buy some groceries. I don't know what's going on with my budget. Even when I look back at my expenditures, the deficit doesn't make any sense to me. Does that sound kind of like the government? I also saw my psychiatrist Monday. That is always anxiety-provoking, but this time went better than usual. He said I seem happier.
Will I do anything different this next week? Maybe I can give myself a little more time and not worry about everyone else so much. But sometimes I have this pent-up energy that seems to have no focus. It seems to go along with not getting enough sleep. Five or six hours is not enough for me, and that's all I've been getting lately. I just keep thinking I've got to make it through the next 48 hours and then I'll be okay again. Isn't it a shame that a religious holiday should make me feel bad?
I used to get anxious about lots of things and now I don't..I found that most of my anxiety was due to me predicting what would happen...(often negatively of course!) so I stopped predicting and decided to live life in the moment...experience each event as it happened, no pressure for things to be fine, or for times to be good, or bad...just make the most of the time as it occurs...make my choices in the moment...not based on the past...only the present.
Hope your weekend was better than you expected.
Hypno
1. On a scale of 1-10 where are you at with your mood this week? I would say this week was about a 7. I've been see-sawing between peace and anxiety. Either one extreme or the other. The anxiety is only because of Easter coming with a family dinner Sunday. Some of my family members make me nervous because of past behavior. I want to be nice to everyone, but sometimes more out of fear than because I'm a "nice person." I was hoping it would just be Mom and me, but now it's got to be cooking a turkey and setting a formal table and getting out the good silverware. I'm not in the mood for it. If I had the balls, I'd just tell Mom I'm not coming. But then I'd be the only one who doesn't show and I have to go anyway to help her get the turkey in and out of the oven.
2. Were there any good moments to report? Was there anything which made you feel happy or peaceful? Did you learn anything new about yourself? I felt peaceful when I meditated and focused on calmness and took a Klonopin(lol). Anything new about myself? No, pretty much the same old thing.
3. What were the challenges of this week? How did you cope? Dealing with getting Mom everywhere she wanted to go was a challenge, as I have mentioned in previous posts. Also I ran out of money last week and had to sell 2 pair of eyeglasses back to LensCrafters in order to pay my bills and buy some groceries. I don't know what's going on with my budget. Even when I look back at my expenditures, the deficit doesn't make any sense to me. Does that sound kind of like the government? I also saw my psychiatrist Monday. That is always anxiety-provoking, but this time went better than usual. He said I seem happier.
Will I do anything different this next week? Maybe I can give myself a little more time and not worry about everyone else so much. But sometimes I have this pent-up energy that has no clear focus. It seems to go along with not getting enough sleep. Five or six hours is not enough for me, and that's all I've been getting lately. I just keep thinking I've got to make it through the next 48 hours and then I'll be okay again. Isn't it a shame that a religious holiday should make me feel bad?
Hey, Donna - thank God for Klonopin! I totally get it about all the obligations of a holiday, whether it be religious or not. I hope you will do something totally for yourself this coming week because you certainly deserve it! I, too, often am "nice" not because I'm such a nice person but because I just don't want to start some confrontation going that I don't have the energy to deal with. Hmmm.....I think I'll go finish my glass of wine! Hope you get through the day okay.
There is actually some method in this "madness"...you can't meditate properly if you are not feeling relaxed...yes ideally you wouldn't need the meds ...but starting out with this approach can make all the difference to the outcome in the longer term...try meditating after you have meditated...that's an interesting one isn't it!
Enjoy!!!!
Hypno
Well, for starters, I've begun watching my grandson every Monday to help out with daycare costs. He's a sweetie and I love him to death, but I am so sad to see him struggle with insecurity because of his parents being separated and starting a new daycare, never knowing for sure who is picking him up each day and where he's going to spend the evening. I try to get him to talk about things as much as he's able. Sometimes I want to knock his parents' heads together and tell them that their son has to come first, no matter how hard they have to bite their tongues or change their schedules. I feel sad for any kids that have to go through this, yet I know that living in a home where the parents are always at each others' throats is horrible, too. This only convinces me more that there should be a way to make people have a license to have children.
I'm having Easter dinner (clean, clean, clean) on top of being under the gun to have all the music and choreography memorized for our shows next week-end and dealing with drama in both extended families. Stop the world, I want to get off! I'm feeling way too much anxiety and have to figure out how to slow it down. My head is swirling and I'm feeling like I'm less and less in control, which is a recipe for depression, for me. Okay, I'm not getting paid to be in this show so if I look like an a___ and screw up, probably nobody is going to notice as I've made sure I get to be in the back row most of the time! In the big scheme of things, this is not big, it really isn't. It's just a threat to my self-confidence and my pride, not the end of the world.
I hope everyone has a good week-end - be kind to yourself and I will try to take my own advice!
Hi,
My week was up and down. Very hard but I handled it well I think considering. From 4-8, all over the board.
Today I went up to the mountain and went for a run on the trail at about 6pm. I felt peace and a bit of joy near the end of the run as my body was relaxed and just moving while my mind finally was calm.
challenges-
noise. PTSD symptoms, anxiety, depression
to take care of myself- forgot the questions and don't have copy or paste-
drink tea, epson salt baths, soothing music
hello Mm
My week is about a 5
Nothing happened too much
What was good about my week might surprise people
I got a DVD in the mail that was the highlight
Everything else is blah
Jon
Instead of asking why? ...try asking How?...that should trigger a what? and when?...and then perhaps a who?...try the Rudyard Kipling quote for good measure....something along the lines of "I take with me six good men...what and how and when, where and why and who" but probably not in that order!!!
Happy discoveries.
Hypno
1. On a scale of 1-10 where are you at with your mood this week? I was at about a 2 most of the week... shouldn't complain cause I'm feeling at least a bit better now.
2. Were there any good moments to report? Was there anything which made you feel happy or peaceful? Did you learn anything new about yourself? I slept a LOT. I don't know if that is a good thing, but it was like having a bug and needing the rest - I think it helped me recover a bit from my dip. I also had a new book to read - the most recent in a series I love so that boosted my spirits a bit.
I learnt that I purposefully try to make sure I have a responsibility in the not-too-distant future as much as possible just in case I have a dip. I cannot take my life until after I've done what I've promised to do... and then waiting to do the task or having to do the task (though it is better if I have the time to rest) my mood gets a bit better and I get less suicidal. I didn't realise that I do that, that that is why I get so restless when I have no plans... go figure.
3. What were the challenges of this week? How did you cope? Feeling suicidal - I just kept promising myself I would do it after I've helped a friend out like I promised at the end of May. I also let myself rest and indulged in a few harmless urges (like eating junk food and simply sitting and reading instead of worrying about doing housechores or keeping the family happy).
I often get into the mood you are writing about. I try to filter out the bad, the ugly, and the fake. I avoid the news and the news papers because they are so negative. I am constantly disappointed in the human race. In avoiding the negative aspects of life, I isolate myself way to much. Sometimes there is nothing left in my world. I feel like I am surrounded by corruption of some type all the time. Then I find myself getting more and more depressed by doing that. It is a constant cycle of not getting to introverted and not getting to down on being out in the public, living. I struggle with this constanly!
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My week so far has been terrible. I've had more and worsening anxiety attacks and overwhelming urges to hurt myself. And I can't shut them out. I try so hard to carry on but every day is a struggle. It's also very hard to find good people. I have some good people but I almost never see them.
Saw them Tuesday at the memorial for a family friend. Felt like saying "I'll see you the next time someone close to us dies" but I know they wouldn't take it well. Just kept my mouth shut. So few opportunities out there as well. Today I've apllied at Boeing and Winstaffing just for a fantasy I guess. Or to prove that it's NOT me it's the entire state. I really really sometimes wish I just didn't exist or that I was someone else. Someone better than me with more luck and more smarts.
It really sucks when life gets you so down that death seems beautiful.
hi
I can only imagine how hard it is for you.
Death is a terrible enemy.
I hope you find comfort where you can
Jon
I am sorry to hear you are suffering right now...when I was going through this stage I was told by my very wise therapist that thoughts of suicide were just a signal to stop doing what I'm doing and do something different instead...something more fulfilling and enjoyable. She explained that when we are depressed we start to lose our problem-solving capacity...and sometimes the brain really likes to have choices to make comparisons and if we have temporarily run out of alternative ideas and we are going through a rough time our brain wants to tell us to stop doing what we are currently doing and do something else...she also said that it may also be helpful to view the thought of suicide as really just a choice that would make what we are going through the better of the two options...she reiterated...the thought of suicide is not a call to take your own life...it is merely a signal to ask you to stop doing the things that make you unhappy and engage in creative problem solving..start moving towards the things you want from life rather than moving away from those that you don't like...(you know...don't think of pink elephants...you have to think of them in order to forget them and then your focus is on the very thing you didn't want to focus on in the first place!!!!).
Hope you feel better soon. Remember thoughts are just thoughts and you can change your thoughts.
Take care now. Give yourself some long overdue love, care and attention. Do something to pamper yourself and enjoy every minute of it.
Keep sharing if it helps as well.
Hypno