"You're too sensitive" as in easily wounded emotionally. This is the way I have always interpreted that saying and I have always thought I was too sensitive. But I think maybe the Dr. is describing a whole other ball of wax. At first I thought yes I am one of these people but looking at her test I wonder. I will be very interested to see what information future posts on this subject contain.
Hi there
I want to definitely delve more into this topic. I think the docs description has some validity and it is another way of looking at this which makes sense for me. Maybe we are not "too sensitive" but merely wired up differently and we have to find the best ways to cope for how we are wired.
Thanks for sharing...stay tuned for future posts taking a look at how to cope if you are an HSP.
And I have a feeling it contributed heavily to my depression and anxiety. I get the feeling every time I walk down the street that someone is judging me and it makes me very uncomfortable and somewhat paranoid. But then I can calm myself down by reassuring my status. "I am just an ordinary person, Why would people be judging me?", "I have nothing to worry about. Judge all you want.", "What kind of sick messed up person judges strangers anyway??" etc...
What people say about me often impacts me very heavily. So, if people are gonna say something about me anyway then I'll improve myself so they say good things about me. I'll lose weight, get a haircut, shave and dress well. I'll make best friends with people and they'll tell others how much they love me. I can manipulate the sensitivity in this way. And it's the only time it actually seems like a good thing.
It murders my self-esteem and it assassinates my confidence, though. I dwell too much on my past. What I was raised by my friends to think and believe. It's like I was brainwashed and I can't get rid of it.
But I would welcome such brainwashing if it were beneficial to me.
Thanks for sharing this Kyle...
It reminds me of something my therapist once asked me. He basically asked me if some jerk on the street who didn't know me...called me a name...would I be upset by that? My immediate response was yes! But then we examined why and I had no real logical reason to think poorly of myself due to such a circumstance so why do we do it? It is a topic worthy of self exploration.
Thanks again for your comment!
Yes, I'd have to say I am one of those people and have gotten criticized for it, so I learned to keep quiet about how other people affect me. A lot of times, I'm not even sure what my reaction is, so I don't react at all until maybe I have a chance to think it through. Most people probably think I'm quite rational and level-headed, which I am when it comes to focusing on somebody else's situation.
I think it's true that childhood trauma can make us highly sensitive to any perceived threat to our sense of self and with enough years of that, it's like a groove etched into your nervous system. It can really be a form of PTSD because usually, the reaction happens before we even realize what's happening - which makes it difficult to stop. Yesterday, I had the experience of spending a few hours with my parents and siblings and within 15 minutes, it felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room and I didn't know how long I could stand to be there. All the pretending just drains the life out of me. I know why that is, I think, and yet I can't stop it from happening, especially if I'm tired to begin with.
I do believe sensitivity can be both a blessing and a curse and I can think of examples of both, which is probably the case with most things in life. I guess we just have to keep in mind the blessing part.
Hey Judy
Fifteen minutes...that is great. I salute you! I know...such situations make me feel like a wet noodle afterward. You just want to melt into the ground. But you did it and got through it...this is what counts.
I think for me...having endured some physical abuse...it makes me fearful of other's anger and I immediately have that instinct that someone is going to physically harm me...even when it is totally illogical. I think our threat alarm...goes off more frequently than someone who has not had such experiences. It really messes you up and you have to fight with logic. It is so hard.
Thank you as always for your insightful comments. You are my inspiration.
What a good topic! I've never seen it addressed, & believe there's merit in the idea that HSP can be part and parcel to PTSD. Thinking back-I had highly critical parents - my mother was a mean person, and her name-calling still stings. Even my ears hurt when she was criticizing me. Ever had your own mother tell you you were ugly? Too sensitive?? She, & others I've encountered through the years like to insult others, and when they show offense, love to say, " You're too sensitive. I was just joking". In the past, I've wished I was more 'thick-skinned', but I can see the blessing in it too - I try to be tactful and carful of the feelings of others, apologize when I'm not. Wouldn't trade it.
You have a really good, positive attitude concerning the outcome of your mother's stinging criticisms and name-calling. Ideally that kind of thing would never happen, but life throws all kinds of things our way. How great that you can use this as an opportunity to learn kindness toward others and as an impetus to learn kindness toward yourself. Thank you for sharing!
I so understand this, my mother was verbally abusive, too, said I was too sensitive, that she "had to be honest" when telling me how worthless I was. But besides that, I was amazed how many other symptoms I had that was mentioned in this article. I seem to absorb others' pain, and am very tired and depressed after hearing their problems (I am a nurse! LOL). And I have a very low threshold for what I consider pet peeves, Gum "smacking" and popping, loud food/ice crunching, teenage girls squealing. This sounds are amplified in my ears, and I cannot tolerate them, although I know I must. Very interesting article.
As a child my mother used to say I was melodramatic. A lot. It's a rather unsavoury way of describing the way I seemed to be overly sensitive to things - in her mind overreact. So, yes I guess I would say I fit this bill.
However looking at that test I think some of those things are negated by my PTSD. Like being really jumpy - I'm not. In fact at times I don't react when I should (like a friend jumped out at me in a public restroom once when I didn't have a clue she was there - I had an ipod in my ears so didn't hear her approach, and it was a coincidence we bumped into each other there - and I didn't jump at all. I just stood there staring at her for a moment before what happened processed for me). Still I have very senisitive taste buds (I'm very picky about what I eat, and only drink water) and don't like loud sounds or too much movement (unless it is in a movie) and escape real life a lot because it is too much for me to handle.
The positives I guess are in that I relate better to others than most, and often know how to help others out because I can put myself in their shoes (completely disregarding my own feelings, swamped now by theirs). I also have a very active imagination because I've so often delved into my head to escape situations that I physically cannot get away from. I think my PTSD stuff stops me from getting great pleasure out of things... but having said that I notice the small things and when I let myself absorb something it can be totally freeing (like being out in the Australian bush I can be totally at peace, or in liking a guy all the other issues in my life can fall away as I get wrapped in that warm fuzzy feeling).
Hey Lyra
I have been told these things too. I "think too much" or I over-emote or I am too sensitive or I make mountains out of molehills...etc and so on. But I would not trade my sensitivity for being brash, uncaring, or apathetic for anything. It is okay to care...but sometimes we suffer for it.
Sensory processing disorder...also encompasses being under-reactive to stimuli as well. You...not being startled in the example you gave could be an example of that. My son used to not be startled either by an alarm going off...all these sounds which would cause others to react. Over time he went the other way where these types of sounds would cause him to feel pain. Anyways...the point I am making is that sensory processing disorder works both ways in that the person may be under-reactive in some cases and over-reactive in others. I am not suggesting you have this...just putting this out there for food for thought.
Thank you Lyra for your comments and for sharing. Looking forward to reading more of you.
I don't know whether I really have anything to add -- so many others here have had such good insight into HSP. And, it souns like, personal experience. I would say that yes, I am overly sensitive to people's moods and their needs and wants. I do everything I can to placate people but that may have more to do with a fear of rejection. I think having a very negative and sometimes violent father growing up set me on edge too many times and I still suffer from it. And I learned subconsciously to make a fantasy place for myself inside my head so I could go there as an escape. And that may be some of the numbness I tend to feel with depression: dissociation, removal of my conscious mind to a safe place. I know it happened a lot when I was married. I am highly sensitive to feelings between other people, even more so than their comments toward me. Too many times I negotiate peace at any price in order to avoid the anxiety.
I hear you Donna...I can relate to all that you are saying. I too get overwhelmed by other's emotions and I sorta shut down because I have to.
I wonder if being super sensitive does lend itself to experiencing symptoms of depression...I hope to write about this in a subsequent post.
Thanks for sharing here.
Hi there
Yes I think there are many of us who may fit this description. I have to turn away from listening to the news for example...because it bothers me so much. I start thinking about tragic events and how those people feel and it is hard to break away from it.
I think with so many comments to this post...I definitely want to follow up with a second post of how to cope when you are sensitive.
Thanks so much for your comment and for sharing your story.
I too, seem to have this. I avoid news on TV, newspapers and etc. because it affects me greatly to hear or read about the suffering of other people, animals, environments. etc. I try to "Go Numb" when I am forced to hear all the negative in the world.
I constantly replay any interactions I have had to see what I have said or done wrong. I am always feeling bad about something I said or didn't say or something I did or didn't do.
This affects my depressions greatly. I have been accused of being overly sensitive or "caring about other people to much". I have always wondered how I could possibly care to much? If only everyone cared to much, there would not be so much negativity in the world! I am constantly reminded (thanks to the wonders of technology) of the short comings and evil doings of the human race. It is a big trigger for me.
Me too!
I am reading everyone's descriptions and they describe me to a "T." I was just making a comment to another member that I avoid the news too...it just seems like one horrible event after another. I also ruminate over conversations and disagreements....and it is too darn easy for me to get hooked on a mood. I can't seem to let it go sometimes and it interferes with my daily functioning.
Well let's see what we can do about all this in ways to cope. I think this shall be my next post.
Thank you for stopping by to comment...I love hearing from you!
Thanks MM. I can't wait to read your post on this subject. It sure seems to really have hit on a nerve, so to speak! LOL
I have a terrible time too, with not being able to pull myself up when I start into a spiral nose dive into darkness. It can be something simple like a comment from a coworker, a newspaper article, news etc.
Have a great weekend.
Funny - I've often imagined my emotional state and/or fragility as kind of being related to ones (my) position on a moving circle. I often felt/feel like I exist nearer the edge than most (wow - how's that for a double entendre/irony?). I am able to feel happiness and contentment and joy and all that - and often to beautiful degrees related to what I haughtily regard as "righteous" or "good" happiness - like being near tears just because one of the kids I work with (severe special ed) started jumping up and down and "raspberrying" me and everyone else around her and smiling like a goober and being the delightful little cup of pink espresso that she is! So, the driver and I assist her down the steps of the bus, and she just gives me this heart-melting deep-eyed stare grin, grabs my hand and raspberries us toward the entrance of the building.
Yeah - I feel that stuff BIGGGGG time and wouldn't trade it - ever. But I also have those times when I'm like "just freakin' slow down for awhile world, PLEASE!".
I even remember saying once many years ago - "Damn it, God - can't I just be bored for awhile?!".
Granted, there are "primary" neurological issues that play a big (the biggest) part in all of this. NVLD (Nonverbal Learning Disability) has really played hell with "getting along" in this life. Has left me in a chronically nervous - in recent years anxious - and even more so in recent months to severe levels.
Not that I'm thin-skinned. Ha. Skin? I should be so lucky! ;)
-stan
Hi Stan!
Wow...so you work with special needs children? I would love to hear more about your work and what you do. My son has autism and I also worked in the field for many years in special education. Your story made me smile...that is great stuff and so rewarding...you get to witness these little joyful moments everyday.
Would also love to hear about your NVLD and how you cope with it.
Please do keep writing here and sharing. So glad you have joined us!
Hi,
I consider myself to be very sensitive about a few select things in my life. I feel very sensitive about how people respond to me in social or work situations. My need for respect from others is strong, and I may get upset if not treated with respect by others. Loud noises bother me, but I have adjusted to them fairly well.
I do get emotional; to the point of tears when someone close to me is feeling very emotional about something, or if a story line or music is very moving. I sense when something is going to happen near me. I can usually sense when there's a drastic change around me; like a car accident or someone falling down. I have been very intuitive about events; I know I'm going to see someone because I was thinking about them before we met. I'm very sensitive to caffiene and prescription drugs, as well as illigal drugs like marijuana.
Hey there
So glad you have joined this discussion. It is amazing isn't it...that each one of us adds a little bit more to the description based upon our individual experiences of being sensitive. It can make life difficult at times but as so many of you point out...it also makes us more joyful and appreciative at times...we live life in a rich full way perhaps due to our sensitivity.
Thank you very much for sharing your experience with this and stay tuned as I will be writing a subsequent post on this topic.
MM,
Your article was an eye-opener for me.
In the past two years, I've experienced several concurrent, difficult life situations that have stressed me out to a point where I consulted with a physician, due to the constant fight or flight feeling of anxiety with my heart palpitating quite fast, very little sleep and depression.
I've tried several antidepressants, then the doctor decided I was experiencing anxiety, then decided upon ADHD. If I'm just sensitive, and that is what's been keeping me in the fight of flight state without sleep, then I'm pursuing the wrong treatment, although the low dose of amphetamine has helped me a lot in being able to sleep. Wow!
Often, I empathasize with people so strongly, I'm shocked when I learn they don't feel the way I think they feel, that they are taking the situation in stride quite well...
Loud noises startle me to the point of electric sensations coursing my body down to my toes, and incessant talking literally makes the sound of my heart so loud in my ears it actually muffles the sound of the incessant talking.
As a kid, I hated birthday parties because the loud sound of balloons popping startled me enough I didn't want to hear it - the same goes for fireworks and guns - the noise is horrible.
I'll have to learn more about this, because it fits me to a tee.
DR
Hello Deb
I am glad you found some kindred spirits here. I do want to point out..it is entirely possible to be a highly sensitive person and also suffer from depression, anxiety, or have ADHD. Always talk to your doctor about what is going on and if a medication helps you...that is wonderful. I take Provigil for my Multiple Sclerosis...this is also a stimulant and it greatly helps me.
Yeah...I think there is something to this for a lot of folks. I don't know which comes first...the sensitivity or the depression but I think in the scheme of things we are all wired up differently...and this is not a bad thing. But it does mean that we have to figure out how to navigate the world due to our particular wiring.
Stay tuned as I will be writing a subsequent post on this topic. Would love to hear more from you.
Hello Tweener
You have been through so much. How are you coping with it all?
Yes I finally broke down and tried Provigil and it does help a lot. It gives me some energy on those days when the fatigue is so great that it is hard to get out of bed. I also take Baclofen for muscles spasms...but that is it. Which medications are helping you the most?
Thanks so much for sharing.
I think I could be described as a highly sensitive person.
In Elaine arons test I scored 26. I am 54 years old and have suffered with depression since I was 10. I think that being very sensitive initiated my depression and fueled it. I experienced a series of traumatic events from the age of 5 which continued until I was 10. At that point I became withdrawn and would not communicate or share anything with any person. In those days (late 1960s) there was not the awareness and knowledge re: mental health there is today so I was left to recover by myself. I don't think I recovered fully until my late forties and even then I had problems and issues that I think may be related to that time. On the possitive side I became an artist and feel that maybe being highly sensitive is the reason or the way I experience everything in many different ways and from many different perspectives. I'm frustrated at the moment as I have developed fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue which restricts my work. I also had a heart bypass last year which has left me slower than I was already. I see the positive side in my health issues and use this as my guide.
Sorry if this goes on a bit.-Charles.
Hi Charles!
Please...do go on. We are very interested in what you are saying. Would love to hear more about how you have coped with being sensitive and how your art has given you a means to express yourself. I am also quite interested in how this has affected you physically with your medical conditions. I have Multiple Sclerosis and I have always wondered...has my mental state contributed to my diagnosis? Are there those of us who are more susceptible to developing a chronic illness because of the way we are wired up neurologically? Or do such illness cause mood disturbance?
It seems that there are many of us who feel we fit into this description and I definitely want to pursue talking about this topic more. I will be sure to tell you all when I post again on this topic...would love all your feedback.
Thanks again for sharing so much and taking the time to comment. It was well worth it so others can read your story.
I think I could be described as a highly sensitive person.
In Elaine arons test I scored 26. I am 54 years old and have suffered with depression since I was 10. I think that being very sensitive initiated my depression and fueled it. I experienced a series of traumatic events from the age of 5 which continued until I was 10. At that point I became withdrawn and would not communicate or share anything with any person. In those days (late 1960s) there was not the awareness and knowledge re: mental health there is today so I was left to recover by myself. I don't think I recovered fully until my late forties and even then I had problems and issues that I think may be related to that time. On the possitive side I became an artist and feel that maybe being highly sensitive is the reason or the way I experience everything in many different ways and from many different perspectives. I'm frustrated at the moment as I have developed fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue which restricts my work. I also had a heart bypass last year which has left me slower than I was already. I see the positive side in my health issues and use this as my guide.
Sorry if this goes on a bit.-Charles.
This sounds exactly like me. I went through a loss three years ago and can not seem to move on. I have had depression problems off and on all of my life but always moved on. I lost both of my parents by the time I was eighteen and raised my youngest sister. I was divorced at twentyone and took care of my son and sister. I have always worked very hard, life has been a struggle but we made out fine. I had a twentytwo year relationship that ended in betrayal and lost my home and my dog ( my best friend) . I have had a hard time since this an there are days I feel unable to cope, unable to move forward. I have a strong faith and have always looked for the light in the sky. Now this constant depression drags me down. I can't concentrate and seem to obsess over and over what went wrong? I take effor XR and have for 6 years now. I started taking that when I strted early menopause. What do you do to move on and correct this HSP ??
When I got the latest newsletter... it really peaked my interest... HSP... oh great yet another label I can attach to myself. However I must admit I was suffering from that... recently after communicating with a "friend" for over 2 years nearly every day she stopped... I went nuts... (HSP) I keep trying to communicate with her asking what it was that I did to have her stop talking to me... as of yet I cannot get her to communicate back to me. The problem, if she would just say that the friendship is over I believe I could deal with it... it wouldn't be easy but at least I would know from her that she wants to end the friendship.. I can't get her to respond to any of my emails... why won't she just say she doesn't want to be my friend or she is just going through a "thing" right now and she does want to be my friend... so my Highly sensitive self said that it was all me and if I could change somehow she would want to continue to be my friend... I totally know I am the biggest fool around... I miss her so much... I love her so much... and trust me this is not in a weird sort of way... she is way younger than me, but I admire her so much for what she has gone through she has been dx. Bi-polar...me I have been dx with PTSD major depression... so we have been through a lot together supporting her in any way I could...
Sorry this is long, I just wish I knew what to do... do I keep pushing her to give me some sort of answer... ie: she either wants to continue our friendship... or she doesn't... either way I need some kind of answer.. The limbo is making me crazy... I just want to talk to her so bad... but she will not answer my phone call and my emails...
Any suggestion is welcome!
Hi LP
I am continuously amazed by the resilience and strength of our members and your story really highlights this sort of strength. I am sorry you had so much sorrow in your life...it doesn't seem fair. Is the medication helping any?
I am not sure if there is any way to correct being highly sensitive...but there may be strategies to cope. I just wrote a new post on the topic that you may want to read...just follow the link.
Thank you so much for sharing your story here. Please do keep participating on our site. You are a true survivor.
Check out this article; says some good things. Worth reading.
This article really caught my attention , people in my life have always told me I'm too sensitive. I do tend more towards to depression in my adult life but I think it goes back to a turning point in the home. I too think I'm far more empathic to people's feelings and although I don't work with patients, I'm always stopping to help people in the hall, because I just remember running thru the hospital crying when my mom died trying to find her room and then almost the same thing with my dad and I true to use that to help people. I've always been sensitive and I don't think its wrong but I think our culture makes it "weak". My dh is so the opposite and that is the struggle. This is very intereting to me.
Donna...thanks so much for this great link! I included it in my follow up post on this topic.
I hope to delve more deeply into how to not take things personally...so hard to do!
Hi everyone.
I know a lot of you have written to say that you identify with this description of a highly sensitive person. I just wrote a follow up post of suggestions of ways you can cope with having this trait.
Thank you so much for all your wonderful comments.
I suppose I feel I'm "highly sensitive." But at the same time I can be completely indifferent. When I used to go to bars I'd feel so much pain it felt like I was dying. Just looking at a bottle of Jack Daniels standing there on the third shelf, then seeing all the bottles, then looking at the sadness in peoples eyes--too me it was like witnessing a great tragedy--except I was feeling it too.
When I was young one day I forgot how to relate to people. I felt like I forgot how to be human. Like I stood outside existence looking in. So to relate to people I'd "paint" what their souls looked like to me based on everything about them. If there soul was like mine, I felt closer to them. Over the years this "painting" progressed into me seeing colors when I hear peoples voices. I experience synethesia regularly, although sometimes the colors fade.
When I was in the psych ward for the first time all I did was look at people around me and "see" into their pain. Everyone elses and my own put together pretty much destroyed me. That's when I learned the power of prayer.
I could go on and on, but I'll say that my faith and spirituality have kept afloat. Writing too. The more negativity I experience the more my faith deepens. Life is crazy.
Sounds to me like some of you could use Jesus in your lives. Ask Him for help! and let Him guide you! After all, He created you, He wired you, He knows your struggles and all of your pain. He is with you, and wants you to reach out to Him and ask for help where you are weak. Let Him bless you!!! He loves you and wants so badly to have a relationship with you if you'd just ask Him!! You will be amazed at the outcomes. And pick up a good book to help you along the path to happiness like Joseph Prince's "Destined To Reign"
God Bless You!
To know ,see and feel much more than I should from the very beginning of life is a total weight that has killed many situations in my life . Sensitive,sensitive sensitive -heres just one example (to give a very small glimpse) I went to have x-rays done when they were finished I ask the tech -is it possible to feel the x-rays ,answer:no ,thats impossible ! Well I am telling you like I told them -Yes ,most certainly I did feel them passing through me ( no I am not looking for attention or on drugs). Heres is another , a gas meter outside of an apartment complex where I work was leaking I ,called the gas company a tech came out he pulled out his meter and said Wow ,yes theres a leak but he said how ,could you smell that? I said why do you ask ,he said that is only 5 parts per million and only a dog could smell that ( no I am not dog either ) . Those 2 examples are nothing compared to the real disasters being this ultra highly sensitive to everything people can imagine. Now in the sensory range of truly beyond the impossible even my dreams are a curse -to see and know many things before they happen . I tell you, this has killed a marriage ,destroyed relations with my brothers, lost friends and made me suicidal (no ,I cant do that !) but at every turn in my life it, has wrecked everything .Controling it is ,beyond my control -Yes I was very hurt as a child . Have you heard the expression : Im going to wash your mouth out with soap - Dont ! You know why -I will tell you that happened to me at the age of 24 months old (yes my memory is that good) when the jerk-off who did that to me, the next thing that happened was ,all the membranes in my esophagus open and a river of Blood come flowing out . Now ,at that age what that did to me (I know very well -that no one ,not even experts can not comprehend the damage it caused me )- that open a door so wide in my spirit ,that I can feel the vibrations of creation . The alkali in the soap was the reason for the blood. Sensitive -most everyone does not have a clue what that word means to me because it goes well beyond rational understanding into the realm of the unseen . Science- is an attempt for them to catch up with me and my abilities .
I am a HSP who suffers from Major Depressive and Generalized Anxiety Disorders. I am often referred to as a "bleeding heart liberal" by others because of my empathy for others. Apparently that's not supposed to be a compliment. 
I learned a lot about myself and HSP through a DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) class at my local mental health center. I highly recommend DBT to anyone who suffers from depression and/or anxiety or is a HSP. The course used the book written by Marsha Linehan "Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder". While this course was initially used to treat just BPD, it is now being used for people suffering from a variety of mood disorders, such as depression & anxiety. It taught me much needed skills for regulating my emotions, tolerating distress and interacting with others in a more healthy way. No, I'm not "cured" because the medical nature of my depression & anxiety still exists but it has made the symptoms much more manageable and I have more "good" and "better" days than "bad" days (as I refer to them).
I think there is something wrong with those people who call you a" bleeding heart liberal" as if it is bad to care about the suffering of others. I am a highly emphathic person and it has caused problems in my life (depression, anxiety, stress, etc.), but I would not want to be one of those who lack emphathy for others.
Thanks for posting the info about DBT. I will check that out. If anyone else out there has any helpful ways of dealing with being a highly sensitive person, please post them. Some things that I do that help me include limiting my exposure to the newspaper and TV news and most recently, I got permission to work at home so that I would not be exposed to the negativism of two of my coworkers who share a work area with me. Both of these people are old school southerners who do not like women and even if I don't catch them saying something negative, I get a negative vibe from them just by being in the same room.
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hi MM
When I was in the hospital there was this girl who did not want to get better
She would bring me down just by watching her
I have this Bad feeling when i was around her
It took me a while to fight the feeling
I really felt weak
Jon
Hi Jon
Yeah...I find this to be true of me as well. I have to watch who I am around at times because I pick up their mood as my own. It is hard to separate myself from what others may be going through.
Thanks so much for commenting.