Thank you MM for compiling some great help again. I usually only confide in my psychiatrist, and a few very close friends. My home is definitely an oasis, and I am vigilant about keeping my life simple. I am working on taking things less personally. I will refer to this list often. Thanks again.
Ric
I find that my sensitivity is hightened when I feel manic. I do have bipolar disorder.
My massage therapist gave me a great suggestion; consider stress as currency in a bank. Consider how much "stress" you want to spend on each "stressful" situation. Does it warrant a large expenditure, therefor using most of my "stress" bank or could I spend somewhat less, and have some reserves for the next event?
She also encourages me to "roll" with situations outside of myself, and not get too invested in them. Detach is a good word for this action. I find that I need to be aware of the oncoming stress and not get so emotionally involved. Not easy. I'm still working on it. But my emotional sesitivity helps me identify when I'm getting too emotionally involved, and taking things too personal.
Thanks you for your insight.
I like the metaphor about the stress bank. I did some "withdrawals" from my stress investments this week and put the extra back in my savings. I was spending too many personal/inner resources taing care of the needs of others. Yesterday, after stressing out over replacing Mother's computer modem, I treated myself to the new "Pirates" movie and it was great. Yes, I still felt stressed afterwards but now I had done something to counter it, and can relish all the funny lines I heard in the movie as well. A little comedy can help de-stress.
I always considered myself a sensitive person but I never knew there was a term for it. All of the items on the list describe me, definitely. It does make you feel a little less crazy to have yourself described so well. At least you know you are not the only one.
I definitely tend to take things personally, but it is worse when I am depressed and/or anxious. I take every word and slight as a person's worst judgement of me. I probably wouldn't even notice this stuff if I wasn't depressed/anxious.
Hello
Yeah...this is how I feel too...it is nice to know that others are also dealing with this trait. We are definitely not alone. It just may be that us sensitive types are not talking about it a whole lot.
I see you have written a post? I need to catch up and see what you guys are up to.
Thanks so much for your comment.
I read about HSPs years ago and forgot how closely it applied to me. I especially appreciate idea that you don't need to regard being sensitive as a character flaw. It comes as a good time because I feel like my son and his wife are judging me as a parent now that they have small children. They want to be in control of their child's world. Tomorrow we have an invitation to come over from 2pm to 4pm, which makes me think what they "really feel" is that we have been overstaying our welcome. As I thought about young parents who go through this process, then find out different when they get older, I realized that it was more a thing to chuckle over (if anyone can define what a chuckle sounds like) than cry over. I am making it a goal, however, to leave shortly after 1:00.
This reminds me of the (actual) obituary my therapist wrote about her mother. She said, "Mother enjoyed the company of family and friends, but not for too long." I always wondered if she knew how that sounded...or if that was exactly the way she wanted it to sound. I guess it does sound like your kids are giving you a message, but I'm glad you're still being invited. You have a chance to be a doting grandparent -- forget the slight and concentrate on the grandkids.
Life is so short, one of the older age benefits is, you learn: Do not sweat the small stuff" Let it Go Move on Get Over It!!! Seriously, however, in the meanwhile, sit down, drink a whole 8 min oz s of water, breathe deep, inhale from nose and exhale thru mouth, blow out the bad !
I like this advice!
I do...I do sweat the small stuff. LOL Even breathing has become difficult. I was just diagnosed with asthma. Ahhhh!
Seriously...thanks for your comment and your support. Life is short. These things we think are so important now...they turn out to not be so relevant in the days, weeks, and years to come. It is good to step back and prioritize where we want to invest our energy and precious time.
Thanks again. Hope you will come back to write more here.
Yes, my profession is travel, for over 40 yrs (I am really old now LOL hehehehe)
and the main reason I always advise my clients (after I have a sense of what to sell them for holiday) that travel will help, it makes you see the reflection of your life back home and reality, it is like sleeping on a question, the break makes your brain decide regarding the most pressing emotional (the whatever is making you most anxious)problem that is driving the depression!
Also, trying to change people will drive you crazy, it does not work. This huge mistake is made by women mostly and women need women;s health experts, now a days. Remeber, menopause seems to be happening to younger and younger women and it does last 12 yrs and it does make you go into flashback mode. Everything from childhood is going to come out!
So, if you are fainting in Wally's World, you are feelings ready to kill someone w/a penis, of course. it s all normal. I just read this story of A Columbian family where one of women would eat the white wash after she scratched it from the outside of the building. When she really went biopolar, she would eat dirt!
And, we think we have problems?????
This is a fabulous article MM. It has a lot of very helpful info. in it. I am going to really try to focus on this list and put it to good use.
I must admit, I don't talk to anyone but my therapist, about stressful things or personal things. I tend to keep it all bottled up. I really need to work on building my oasis and letting go of a lot of bad baggage.
The recent tornado that hit Joplin, MO had really kicked me to the curb. My whole family live in and around the Joplin area. I was born and raised their. My heart is broken for all my Missouri people. So...reading this article and learning about HSP has really helped me. Thank you MM!
hi my name is victoria i wanted to read up more on anxiety and depression when i came across your comments n questions about klonopin i started taking it about 3 years ago so far so good,i never had any side effects from it but i can tell u this im alot happier in life especially with my kids.my oldest is 8 n she would always ask "Mommy why were u so mad all the time before u started taking your meds"? i actually sat her down n talk to her like a big girl that she is n told her that i was born with this sickness of being mad,tired,scared,n all of the above she said she loves seeing me smile n playing with her n her sisters everyday,so that is all i have to say about taking klonipin!! hope this answers somr of your questions...
I have bipolar 1 disorder & PTSD & have extreme sensitivity. My husband would say I am "looking for ways to be hurt." That was so true before I did DBT for over 2 years & indiv. therapy. If his eyebrow got a twitch I interpreted it as his thinking "bad thoughts" about me. I learned about my cognitive distortions, how to calm myself & reduce anxiety & fear & feeling hurt & scared all the time.
It was a huge relief to give up trying to change everyone's thoughts, behaviors & emotions (learned that it was not possible) to try to make myself feel "safe." I had to learn how to make myself feel better, be stonger & grow into an independent individual.
John Irving did not write the book "The World According to My Name." The world is not going to conform to all my desires so I have to learn how to deal with it. Some things I can change--some I cannot.
Also, being dependent on others' opinion of me as to whether I feel OK about myself led me to be a "people pleaser" & I would get overwhelmed trying to do everything for everyone. My therapist taught me that "'NO' is a complete sentence." I had trained people to turn to me for requests for assistance as I always dropped everything to help people & got overwhelmed. If I tried to say "no" I would give elaboratge excuses as to why I cannot do their request & they would always find how I could still do their request even if I was planning a moon launch!!
"What other people think about me is none of my damned business." I need to stop trying to please everyone to the point that I get overwhelmed.
When overwhelmed I go into "survival mode" & drop everything but the essentials to make it through the day.
Thank you for addressing this again. I believe in the probability that some HSP's are simply 'wired that way'. One thing I didn't see in this post was the possible connection between HSP and PTSD. If your entire childhood was spent being bombarded with outright meanness & unrelenting criticism from the people who should have been setting an example of kindness and helping you develop your self-esteem - yeah, I'm talking about my parents - no surprise I'm highly sensitive. It's probably part and parcel of why I bristle when I hear people use the term "get over it", even when it doesn't apply to me.
I'm an adult, my family still insults me, & after insulting me they tell me I'm too sensitive or I can't take a joke. Reading this topic today hit a nerve because I'm going to have to be around them this weekend.
One of the suggested coping strategies about simplifying your life was particularly helpful. I'm more likely to express my HSP when there's clutter, noise, too much going on at once... People spend years in therapy learning to manage, live with, and sometimes even 'get over' depression, trauma, & abuse.
There is a positive side to being highly sensitive. In a previous comment, I stated that had I been thick-skinned, it might have prevented me from striving as much as possible to be tactful and careful of others' feelings, especially with my children.
sgh...you have read my mind.
I had no idea how many of us would identify with being hypersensitive. In addition I think you are right...many of us who identify with being hypersensitive may also have had some trauma in our lives. I know that is true for me.
In my latest post I talk about some of the reasons for being hypersensitive and one reason is PTSD.
Stay tuned for my next post...I am going to be talking about how to deal with these multiple issues and I would love your input.
Thank you for your insights...I hope you keep coming back to participate in our discussions.
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It helps me to "talk it out" with a person I am having these "sensitivity issues" with. I understand that is very difficult to do. Believe me, I KNOW. I spent this afternoon trying to figure out a way to tell my mother that she is trying to live vicariously through me and that she asks me to solve too many of the small problems she could just as easily deal with herself. I then went told her that these two things were becoming burdensome to me and I wanted her to back off a little and not "take over" as she is prone to do. She laughed and agreed. She said thank you, too, that I did not go and talk to other family members about the problem but came directly to her. We agreed that we both depend on the approval of each other too much and came to terms about some other things that needed clearing up. I feel better now. It doesn't mean the problems will all disappear, because we have had these kinds of talks before and they didn't make a whole lot of difference in the long run. And I'm still a little anxious. But on the whole, it was the right thing to do.
Donna, it's really great that you could even consider talking to your mother about this, let alone actually doing it! Your mother sounds like an emotionally mature person who can really listen to you, even if it doesn't always end up in the result you want. Good for you for doing it - I am jealous! A discussion like that with my mother would end up with her in tears and me feeling worse and then I'd never hear the end of it (but at least I know that up front!).
Hey Donna!
I am very impressed. This conversation must have been so hard but you did it and did it well evidently for your mom to take it all in stride and agree with you! Bravo. I think it was especially effective for you to talk directly to your mom instead of just talking about it with others.
Thanks for sharing this with us.