Well, I already got rid of my biggest life stressor - my job!
My biggest source of stress is probably myself in terms of how I react internally with certain family members. I'm working on it, but it's not like I can get rid of them, as much as I'd sometimes like to! It's so true, that we can only change ourselves and not other people. However, often times, if WE change, the other people in our lives must either change in some way or stop interacting - we don't live in a vacuum.
Music helps me a lot, too. I realized today that is one thing in which I can get so involved that I'm totally in the present. Now, if I could only live as mindfully the rest of the time....
I think you are exactly right: so many times we sit in the boiling pot and let it grow hotter and hotter. And as we cook we keep hoping someone will rescue us or turn down the heat...when it just ain't gonna happen. A lot of times the answer is just to hop out of the pot and go somewhere more welcoming and suited to our needs. This is why I don't move back in with my mother. The situation is toxic for me. I would not say she is a toxic person, but the whole cargiving environment can be toxic -- demanding more 24x7 than I can give. Mom is aware that I am going through a difficult time right now, trying to manage my medications, so she is giving me June (my birthday month) "off" from caregiving. She is going to find friends and family to help her get what she needs and go where she needs to go. She said she will even call a cab to go have her hair done rather than expect me to do it. What a nice present!
Definitely money worries for me. That is my biggest worry right now. If I could just know I would have enough in the bank to keep me even for the rest of my life I could breathe a big sigh of relief.
The irony is,though, that the depression/anxiety itself is by far my biggest stressor. Not just going through it, but also worrying that it will come back. Even when I am going through a good period, there is always that nagging in the back of my head that one day I will be depressed or anxious again.
I guess it depends what the source of one's depression is. If your depression is internal/biological in nature, I don't think even removing all stressors will work. Even I logically know that even if I didn't have to worry about money, my depression wouldn't just vanish.
what a terrific post!
I think when you're lost in depression, it's really difficult to get the perspective necessary to assess whether your emotions are influenced/caused by a specific stressful situation. Years ago, I was in a lot of pain and like many such situations, it had arrived gradually, becoming more and more intense, but because of the gradual onset or the normally wonderful human ability to adapt, I got stuck in a place where I was just sucking it up. It took a friend of mine to tell me something so simple as "this much pain isn't normal" before I figured out that I had to go see my doctor. And whether it is the trigger of a friend giving you a gentle, loving smack upside the head or reading a post like this, I think it often takes an external reminder that the situation has gone from normal stress to intolerable.
That said, I could still do with less pain, although I'm not nearly in as awful a place as I used to be. Primarily, though, I could do without the stress of the agencies involved in my life because of my illness/disability actually doing what they're mandated and funded to do, instead of me having to run that, too. Drives me batty when these people decide to screw up and it inevitably affects my life for weeks. Unfortunately, I can't fire them.
How many of us stay in bad situations which are not healthy for us? I'm in a bad relationship and living in a part of town that stresses me. The person I'm with is like a child. I have to do everything. The place I'm living- It's loud, busy, and neighbors are fighting, the cops have come more then once, one time searching the basement for someone or something.
What if there are some situations we don't have to accept? I've had to get angry which helps me get moving, and over the depression, to finally say Enough, I want out. I want a better life. I'm tired of the struggling and being unhappy all the time, the dread of holidays. I just want to have fun and be happy. I don't have the support I need in this situation. I think one of the most important things I have to remember is that I've moved five times and my depression has only gotten worse. It's taken this long!! The person I'm with, we have a 7yr old who has PDD NOS, so this makes it harder to leave, but enough is enough..
What if we can feel better by changing some of these life conditions? This is easier said then done,, I've tried and tried and when I've reached out over and over and get nowhere then I get More depressed and don't feel like trying anymore. But somehow I get motivated, I know my life can be better and I get back up..
"I just want to have fun and be happy...." Yes, sometimes I feel that way, too. Even a week or two of having fun and being happy seems foreign to me. Why? Isn't that one of THE big questions of depression? No one WANTS to be depressed. But some of us seem to be ENGINEERED that way. We respond to stress, to holidays, to family situations, to work, to a flat tire, with a deflation of spirit and a "here we go again" feeling. I know people who at least appear to be sincerely happy no matter what is going on. Is that a true perception, or are they just better at hiding their moods? At one time, my mother honestly told me she had never been depressed a day in her life. She had trouble understanding why I couldn't be that way, too. But now that she is having health problems continually and is pretty much confined to her house unless I take her somewhere, she says she sometimes feels like giving up. But honestly, I don't think she believes this is depression. Is it? Do you have to FEEL depressed in order to really BE depressed? I know when I am depressed and when I'm not depressed. It seems like when I am depressed, my mind refuses to budge. Refuses to take flight to a better place. But Mom, she seems to instinctively pull herself up and out of it. She grabs hold of faith, hope, love, prayer, and friendship and soon is looking on the bright side of things again. And I know it really isn't effortless. She works hard at it. So do I need to learn how to work harder at it? Or am I working TOO hard at it. (and I realize I am doing that right now) Do I need to just relax and focus outside of my own problems?
This damn medication-switching-stress is getting to me, I admit. I am feeling horrible, physically and mentally, and am unsure of how to proceed. It feels like no one else in the world knows what I am going through, even though I KNOW that is patently untrue. Lots of us/you are there right now or have been there in the past. And it doesn't help any that this is the umpteenth time this has happened...and it is not my fault. So why do I feel I am somehow to blame? Maybe I should get out and "do something fun and be happy" this afternoon. But I'm blaming physics right now..."a body at rest tends to stay at rest" ...perhaps...lol.
"A body at rest tends to stay at rest". This stood out for me the most because of this past year and that I didn't get out and things didn't change. Some days I just stayed on the couch and nothing changed. I surprised I didn't gain more weight.
I went out first thing this morning to run errands. I had to walk, which is to my benefit actually. It was cool and windy but the sun was shining. It felt like people were staring at me and I was uncomfortable, feeling fat/huge, but I just kept walking and accomplished what needed to be done... And I felt so much better that I got it done. I will be walking again later. I don't mind going out as much as before I did nothing. Baby steps.... I JUST DO IT!!!!
Donna-1,
No, you're not either working too little or too much to get better. You have a disease that is both physical and emotional, and can be very hard to overcome. Meds don't always help, and the changes in meds are often hard to take. I was there for so many years. I tried everything--therapy, meds (many; sometimes they helped--then they'd stop helping), hospitalizations (I'd feel better in the hospital, but my mood would go back down after I'd get out.), ECT (ultimately didn't help), Vagus Nerve Stimulator implanted in 2007 (helped get me off the edge of suicidality; may be helping more now--just don't know), went on disability retirement in 2005 (at least I was out from under a supervisor whom I learned to despise and was under for 10 years). In spite of all the many years of effort, I still struggled or didn't, depending...
But for some reason in the past months my mood has finally stabilized. I couldn't tell you for certain why. It's not that I don't have depression any more, but I don't feel bad all the time--I feel happy at times and can enjoy my life, even though it is not what I'd think of as "normal," whatever that is. I think it's a culmination of everything--meds (which I still take, including Deplin, the prescription form of folic acid), VNS (which I think is still sending electrical impulses to my brain), therapy (which I'm still in). It's rather like a miracle to me.
I know how hopeless depression feels; I wish I could say more to help. Just remember that you are doing the best you can at any one time and that there are many of us "treatment resistant" depressed persons who do know how you feel.
patsy
MM, "I never counted on this,guess thats the way that it goes
you used to be someone I knew somebody I could understand,
But now i dont know what to do i dont know who you are
"You talk that way your a stranger,I dont know where to begin,I dont want to hear it again I dont believe anymore"
Heres another more familiar quote
"I clutch the wire fence until my fingers bleed,A wound that cannot heal,A heart That cannot feel"
One more for good measure.
Talking about stealing the show no one would know
Talking about stealing the show noone would know take a look at the witch see the look in her teaching boys and girls that lying is real"
I could have put the lyrics to kryptonite
Got tired
Jon
Hi MM,
One of my life's stressors is my job. I work as an auditor for a large company that counts inventories for retail stores like Sears. I was feeling stressed in my work because we compete against a timed standard, and my counting is not that fast. I also feel pressure to work late nights, and I have refused to do this. I have insomnia and need the peace and quiet that my home offers at night to get even a little rest. Recently I haven't worked much, which is fine because we can live fairly well off my wife's salary. She doen't mind, in fact she urges me to work only when necessary. I also volunteer for AARP, which has been a positive experience so far. I feel appreciated and liked in our office. I hope to take on more responsibility in the near future, and my supervisor (I'm in an intern program with the State of Hawaii) plans on moving me into a position with greater duties.
I have adapted to the changing conditions in my work and volunteering. Sometimes things just change for the better, and I'm glad.
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Hi,
noise. all car noise. freeway noise. traffic. city noise. fast paced life. no slowing down to enjoy. triggers in PTSD and terrors. negative thinking. not feeling safe.
chaos. city life. busy, complicated, loud city life. not using my gifts, and doing what warms my soul each day. (that is a stressor I think)
worrying. worrying about money, loved ones, health, loved ones health, and on and on.
Marishka