The label of “narcissist” comes from a Greek myth about the hunter named Narcissus who was so proud of his own physical attractiveness that he showed great disdain for anyone who loved him. According to this myth, Nemesis, the goddess of divine retribution, decided that Narcissus was a tad too arrogant for her liking. The story goes that Nemesis enticed Narcissus to a pool of water where he saw his own reflection and fell in love with it. Not understanding that this was his own reflection, Narcissus pined for the beautiful being he saw before him. But alas, his reflection could not return love. Narcissus ends up dying next to the reflecting pool, unable to separate himself from his own image.

Nowadays we use the term, “narcissistic” to describe someone who is arrogant and full of him or herself. But there can be more to this type of personality than just a big ego. Some individuals meet the criteria for a psychiatric label of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).  The problem is that people who might be diagnosed with this type of personality disorder are not usually clamoring to receive help for their disorder. In fact, it is usually the family member, spouse, co-worker, or employee of the narcissist who is eager to seek out therapy. The individual who has a narcissistic personality rarely perceives the damage they leave in their wake. Yet many people who come into contact with a narcissist may feel bullied or even victimized. It is my opinion that if you suffer from depression, being around someone with narcissistic tendencies can be psychologically toxic and can contribute to a worsening of your symptoms. In this post we are going to discuss how to identify a narcissist and protect your mental wellness.

I am sure we have all had an encounter with someone having a narcissistic personality. When I was in graduate school I had a teacher who was almost mythical in his poor treatment of students. When his name was spoken, there was an audible gasp of horror that one might end up in his class. Older students would describe the situation in this way, “You don’t want to be in his class, he will make you cry.” I was not too happy to find that one semester I would have him for my instructor after all the tales I had heard. When we finally had our first class some of my fellow classmates were enraptured by this teacher’s presence and physical attractiveness, describing him as a “beautiful man.” This awe soon turned to fear and even loathing when we saw his delight in causing public humiliation. He would selectively choose one or two students per class to grill by asking questions until they ran out of answers. When they sat there silently he would launch into a tirade while the victim of his abuse would be desperate in hiding any reaction. In the end someone always cried. He would respond by telling us all that he was going to take us to the children’s cancer ward because, “there is something to cry about.” He gave us tests that everyone was certain to fail. This instructor was quite often late for his own class, giving no apology or explanation. And the content of his instruction was frequently full of personal stories of his own achievements.