On this weekend, November 19th, was designated as International Survivors of Suicide Day. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention has many resources to help if you are trying to cope with the loss of your loved one to suicide. They state that every 40 seconds someone in the world dies by suicide and every 41 seconds someone is left behind to make sense of it. But how do family members, friends, and loved one’s make sense of this type of unspeakable loss? Suicide leaves so many unanswered questions such as “Why did this happen?” and “Is this my fault?” Grief following suicide can be especially complex because the loss is sudden and unexpected. Survivor’s of suicide may be at risk for depression themselves and even suicide. In this post we are going to try to answer some of the frequently asked questions about suicide. In addition we are also going to give you some resources to help those of you who are struggling to cope with the loss of a friend or family member in the aftermath of suicide.

Why do people think about, attempt, or commit suicide?

I am going to answer this question from my own personal perspective. If you suffer from depression or bipolar disorder you are more likely to think about suicide than those who do not have a mood disorder. Also people who are dealing with a chronic medical condition and especially one involving chronic pain may also be more at risk for suicidal ideation. Great loss can trigger thoughts of suicide as well as feeling that you are trapped in a life situation where you see no resolution.

If the person is depressed, the cognitions of the depressed mind play in the background like a foreboding mantra: “You are no good.” “You don’t deserve to live.” “You are a burden.” “Nobody cares.” What the suicidal person does not realize is that depression lies. It tells you untruths and with each repeated thought, the grooves become deeper and more entrenched, until the person fully believes what he or she is thinking. I don’t believe that most suicidal people truly wish to die. They simply want a way to end the incredible pain they are feeling. I have felt this way in my life and it is a feeling like no other, all encompassing darkness. You get tunnel vision and there is this intense focus on how to end things. Many people who are having suicidal thoughts may feel ashamed. It may be difficult to reach out for help.

In my situation part of my brain which was still rational and logical helped me to make a decision to call a suicide hotline. Please know that I had to call several times. The system isn’t perfect. But you have to keep trying. I was finally put through to a wonderful counselor who said the right things to turn my thinking around.

Here is some of our conversation that I can remember:

Me: “I feel like a burden. My family would be better off without me.”