Merely Me, I could certainly identify with everything you're saying about this.  I've played both parts, too.  For me, when I'm the one with that kind of thinking, it almost seems like a way of punishing myself because I feel so worthless/stupid/you-name-it.  And then there's the rage, that someone or something is "making" me feel like that.  I mentioned "black or white" thinking, too, because many people, even if not depressed, have the belief that something is either right or wrong when, the truth is, there's a whole lot of gray.  Things aren't always the way they appear.  The older I get, the more this seems to be true and probably most people will say that, with age.  Age does have some advantages, thank goodness!

Your post reminded me of my mother, who is determined to suffer no matter what you say or suggest.  I try to just stay out of it now, except when I get so exasperated I can't help myself.  If I hadn't gotten help for myself, I'd probably be just like her.  I'm sure there have been times that my therapist was ready to strangle me because I was determined to prove she was wrong.  I think what helps now (not always) is when I can challenge the things I'm telling myself that make me feel so hopeless and if I can also remember that I probably won't feel this horrible tomorrow, it eventually passes.  But it takes work.

Merely Me, Health Guide

1/24/12 4:51pm

Hi Judy

 

Isn't it something...so many of us fear becoming like our mothers.  From what you describe...you are nothing like your mother.  You have taken full responsibility for your depression, treatment, and for your life in general. 

 

We all have our moments...or weeks...or even months though.  I have sat in the patient chair defiant and angry that my therapist would even suggest that good things can happen to me.  It is far easier to fall back into the pit and do nothing.  Hope...takes work.  From hope...we act....and these actions lead us to a better life and mental well being.  It is exhausting work.

 

Thank you...as always for your wonderful and insightful comments. 

Yeah I have been there saying "It's hopeless and it will never get any better". But I have been in the throes of deep depression while looking at ways to get out of it. I am an optimist, I believe that all will be okay as long as try something..anything. My father wears his badge of affliction proudly. He wanted us kids to feel as poorly as he does. I don't and won't. I get depressed, and say stuff that is self-defeating, but to be very honest it was a way to get attention. Growing up any attention was better than none. Even in my deepest pit of depression I was writing positive affirmations because I knew that I had to do it to get better.

David

Merely Me, Health Guide

1/24/12 4:57pm

Hey there

 

You are absolutely an optimist.  You didn't survive all the stuff you have survived by being a defeatist.  I understand the part about wanting and needing attention.  Sometimes it feels like you have to scream to be heard.

 

We are not our parents. 

 

I am so glad to see you commenting and sharing.  You have so much to offer.  Please know how much we appreciate your contributions here and on all the Health Central sites.