Reaching Out

You have provided a realistic and useful description of what it means when someone says they are depressed.

Outsiders often don't have a clue concerning the deep physical and emotional pain a depressed person is going through. Any outsider reading your story can not help but have a much better understanding of what it is like to be on the inside.  

Your article should be read by anyone who knows someone who is depressed, which is probably most of us. 

You also give hope to those of us who are now living with depression. You show that people can get passed this and go on to have better days. 

Great article!!!! 

As i read through this I feel like i am beginning to understand a little.  To scratch the surface.  I am not depressed, not like you describe... but i love someone who is and it is so hard to deal with sometimes,  ironically, because I care so much and she can not seem to feel my care at the bad times when its needed most.  Sometimes my caring just does not seem to get through.  But maybe it does and that maybe is important... it is important to me.

Thank you for your willingness to share this.

  I have ms as well. I have had this sense I was a teenager. I have dealt with so much of the symptoms that come and go, it makes more depress each day.  I was married for 23 years and we even dated for 4 years in high school. When all my family, friends, and co-workers started to turn against me saying that I was just being lazy or making it up, wanted to give up.  I hang in there and lost most battles than I could count, but there is always another one on the passion.  I have to remember my daughters to take care of. This is what helps me make it through each day. God has really bless me with Debra and Elizabeth ever day.  My depression is strong and the ms doesn't help, but they don't control me, God dose.

Yes, this is it, I have been there many times. I've come to expect it almost like the pendulum of a clock which keeps bad time and it swings your way when it wants to.

I've never seen it put into such startling detail before, anywhere. I'm glad you chose to write instead of, some time in the past, left here. I'll be glad to read whatever you post and believe you can be of great value, because you know.

When and if it ever comes back your way, you can write for us instead of live alone in that darkest place and we can read and be helped as well. This is such beautiful writing, all directly from your heart, sharing everything says anyone can. Just not in words so well.

I do not know why and do not mean to be rude, but I feel better having read this. It's a remarkable article of Faith. Thank you.

great story. how lucky for all of us that you were able to find the humor.

william styron likened depression to "a staircase that leads only down."

thanks for sharing!

Your paragraph on what the hotline counselor (once you got him!) said to you that was helpful is a subject worthy of more posts, I think.  I think some well meaning people say ridiculous and unhelpful things because they simply don't know what to say.  I am hoping you'll consider writing a bit more about what family, friends, can say, can do.

This could be a book, by the way.  What to Say.  Not just to people suffering from depression, but people who have experienced loss of any sort.  I've recently witnessed a family who lost their daughter to suicide be on the receiving end of unbelievably insensitive comments.  My take on it was that these folks simply didn't know what to say, got nervous, and proceeded to make a bad situation worse.

Anyway, I also think "perserverance" is a trait that has served you well!

I want to applaud your courage, Merely Me, for sharing your story. Also, to compliment you on the articulate way in which you spoke for many of us.

I believe the greatest gift we who suffer Depression can give, is to let others know that  "You are NOT alone. I'm in the darkness with you, you just can't see me."

I must share with you a little tale that explains how I came to be so open about my illness.

I had been in the hospital recovering from the self inflicted gunshot wound to my chest, which came from my attempt at suicide. My Dr invited me to spend a week on the 11th floor Mental Health Ward, when I was well enough, and I did just that.

At the end of the week, as I was getting into the elevator to go home, I realized that I had forgotten something, and needed to go back up to get it. So when the elevator emptied at the ground floor I started to lean forward to push the 11 button, when a young couple got on. The young man reached up to push 11, so I stepped back. The young woman very abruptly pulled his hand away and said, "Don't push 11...everyone knows that's Mental Health...push 12 and we will walk down."

Now I had experienced a very wonderful week, that gave me the knowledge and the tools to fight back against my illness. So I leaned forward and pushed 11, and I may have held my finger on it for longer than was necessary, but I wanted to be sure it lit up nice and bright. When the doors opened on 11, we all got out and went into the ward.

You know, it would never occur to me to sneak up one floor above the Cancer Ward and sneak down to get my chemo (sic) therapy. I would not think to sneak a floor above and then come down the fire escape to the Kidney Ward for my Dialalis treatment. My illness is Depression, and the treatment is on the 11th floor.

From that day on, I have tried to be completely open about my illness. I don't hesitate to discuss what I went thru with my suicide attempt either. The funny part is that I have not yet (after 3 years) found anyone who appeared turned off about discussing it...the Depression OR the Suicide attempt. Far too many will respond with stories of their own.

As I close, please note that when I say that after a 10 year long losing battle with Depression, I shot myself...that marks the end of the bad news in my story. The rest has been very positive, but you'll have to buy me a beer and sit back for an hour, to hear the long version.