"Just Snap Out of It!"

I've always wondered  what it was like to never snap-in to it in the first place. I mean, I know, people can do that, but what do they use? Was there some wand or chant passed out at birth some of us didn't get?

Getting out of the bed on the wrong side is not the same. People just generally stare at you blankly if you even try to tell them and walk away, shaking their head. You feel worse. Time to walk further down that path, get away. 

The Snap-in is like the old Candid Camera show: "When you least expect it, you're elected, it's your lucky day..." The Snap-out is very elusive.

I feel better reading this. Though I shouldn't, for your sake, it's apparent you know, or knew. You know what empathy is.

going along with making wise choices about who to talk to, is knowing how to answer people when they ask how you're doing. i've learned this with ms. most people ask, but don't really want to know. they are just being polite, "how ya doin'?" there are those who ask the same question, but really do want to know. it's actualy pretty easy to tell them apart, and i am always happy to find someone who really does want to know. my ms symptoms, or depression, or anything like that, are things that rarely come up in conversation, so we don't get many chances to talk about how we are really feeling. a lot of us have to pay someone to listen. so it is a blessing to find someone who asks, and does really want to know. and i have learned to ask how other people are doing, and let them know that i really do want to know. when i was in high school, i had a friend who's mother was severely depressed, and if you called the house, and she answered, and you said, "hi, mrs. whosie, how are you," she'd tell you - about how her shock therapy was going, how she'd been drinking less these days, etc. we very quickly learned not to ask. anyway, knowing who really does want to know, and who is just being polite is as important as taking the opportunity to talk when someone wants to listen.

I hear these statements a lot. The "snap out of this" is my favorite *said sarcastically*. It's like I am chosing to feel this way. I am not. Like you said, I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy. I just hate how sometimes people think I am doing this for attention. Excuse me? I would love more than anything for the darkness in my mind to go away; to be "normal"; to finally live life instead of just existing. Ugh. I guess some will never understand.

I say to some well meaning friends & family: "Spend one day inside my head. Then we'll talk.

PS. I have been dealing with depression since I was 15 in varying degrees but still....

I just joined last night & I can already tell, I am going to like this site.

When I was first diagnosed, My wife said that "Get over it".......I cried

myself to sleep that night.

people just don't know.

Now, she can tell, just by the look on my face, that things are not going

well. She's very supportive now. Thank God.

     Peace & Blessings        - Danny G. 

                                                   J.T.   Pa.

I love my mom, my dad, and my husband, but when I was going through a major meltdown during an MS attack 3 years ago----- crying all day, yelling at people, feeling like I was down a dark hole, and a complete insomniac (steroids!)----- they kept telling me to cheer up.  Especially my mom.  Her phrase was "buck up", and it makes me seeth to this day.  Finally my mom took me to the ER because I was getting loopy from lack of sleep.  I think that finally put the kibosh on the "buck up" nonsense. And I began treatment with Lexapro, which has helped my depression/anxiety and insomnia immensely.  I don't think people fully understand the helplessness serious depression causes until they experience it for themselves. I know I didn't. Yet I've never told anyone seriously depressed to cheer up, either.

Off topic:  Merely Me---- do you have a widget for this site?  Still wanna add this to my site, and a pretty widget would help tremendously.

Your article serves to educate on what it is like to be depressed in a world that doesn't understand depresssion.  It also points out the real need for basic education for people who do haven't dealt with depression on a day to day basis. 

It is easy for people to say and think, there is nothing visibly or physically wrong with you, so "Jut Snap out of it".  They can not be more wrong!!!

People need to be aware that depression is a serious affliction that deeply effects every aspect of a person's life and is both a physical and a serious heath problem.

Your article and regular column will go a long way to teach people to take depression seriously and to help them to realize how they should help and react to people who are currently afflicted.

Keep up your good work!!!

I moved away from home, following a girl I did not love, trying to get jobs that were too hard to get because there was too much competition. I stooped to a very high LOW and became depressed. I know what it is like to be unmotivated, hate life, and not be able to see any light of day.

I am naturally better. However my  new girlfriend has depression, and even though I experienced it myself, I still have a hard time keeping a straight head about it. I still give her a hard time and tell her to look at the positive side to things, and it comes off annoying.

My point being, if you are helping someone you love, the greatest thing you can do is be patient and do not take it personally. It is true, if us depressed people had a choice, we would like the drive to move forward.

I just got off a chat with my boyfriend of 8 years. We are currently having a long distance relationship cause I just moved here. I'm not sure whether I'm depressed but I certainly feel alone and insecure whenever he talks about his meets with friends that are mostly girls. I know he's not the type to have an affair behind my back but there's this voice inside of me that keeps whispering ideas into my head making me feel insecure. The one thing that got to me while we were chatting was the meet he had with a close friend of ours. Secretly, I envy her because she recently lost weight, looks great and she has big breasts. Enough said. My boyfriend likes to talk about her breasts, always in a joking manner and I would laugh along but I still feel envious. During the conversation that he had with her, she told him to tell me how to lose weight and he said that if he passed on the advise, I would feel frustrated at how I can't seem to lose weight like her. I asked him whether he actually said that to her and he said yes. He thought that I was open about this with her. Him telling her that made me feel worse and I felt depressed for some reason. I told him that next time they were talking about it to let her know that I am losing weight whether it was true or not. He asked me why and I replied I just didn't like the fact that she knows that I'm trying and not succeeding. He didn't seem to agree with me and I felt even more worse because I know he was right but I couldn't help myself from saying it anyway. His suggestion was for me not to feel insecure and to do something about it to solve my problem (not his words but what I gathered from the conversation that followed).

In short, he was trying to make me feel better but it turned out to make me feel worse. And because of that I feel depressed. How can I stop this?

Thank you for writing such an informative and enlightening post.  I doubt their would be one person suffering depression, or other mental illnesses that hasn't heard those 'get over it' type stabs. 

When I was diagnosed with PTSD last year my mother was quite supportive in taking me to the ER and staying with me on sucide watch.  About two weeks later that drifted away and I began hearing 'It's been two weeks, aren't you over it yet?'  Over PTSD in two weeks...the ignorance of some people shouldn't still amaze me but it does.

Blogs like this are important, I hope you keep writing such insightful posts.

Thank you for sharing your deeply personal experiences with the community. I can't tell you how much it helps someone with depression to know they are not alone, that others have "been there, done that" and managed to survive. As someone who has suffered from clinical depression on and off for at least the last ten years (and undiagnosed but likely present long before that), this is a struggle I face every day.

One point in your article intrigued me in particular, that of comparing one's own situation to those who are less fortunate in an attempt to somehow feel "better". You are very correct in that this doesn't work. Ironically, this is not something that others did to me, but rather I did to myself: at times of severe depression I would think, "Oh, but I could be paralyzed in a wheelchair, or things could be so much worse in this that or the other way..." and then wonder why I *still* felt terrible even though I was "so much better off". While at the time I rationalized it as "trying to look on the bright side" (which is not necessarily a bad thing), I came to realize that trying to cope with my own negative feelings by highlighting others in greater misery brings a hollow and ultimately only temporary satisfaction.

Thanks for your words of encouragement on my blog.

Recently I've had the "Just get on with it" - "You should be so lucky you have....." etc.   Like you say the guilt that adds to the already troubled head of mine that wishes the crushing feelings would just go.

As ever a little digging finds I'm not alone and that in itself is useful.

Thanks

if i only knew for sure what was wrong with me, but more than hearing it from anyone else, I'M the one who keeps telling MYSELF to pull it together, 'chin up', work harder, do more, be more, watch the secret again, read another self help book... alas the emptiness & pain always return...

i had a very rough childhood surviving abuse, etc. when i was younger i was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder & depression. i did a couple of years of therapy & anti-depressants, but havent had either for over 7 years...

i have months when i'm 'fine' but then months when i'm not...

i'm getting married in about 10 days to the most amazing man in the most amazing place... on an island. i should be ecstatically happy - but you guessed it - i'm not... i'm grateful & in love & his wonderful & i really want this - thats not the problem... the problem is that i still hurt because i cant 'get over' the rejection of my parents... etc. etc. etc. same old stuff.

i'm 31 already & i really thought i would get passed this by now...

wot if i need meds & i dont know it? i get very very low when i'm tired, & even though i've come so far & achieved so much, i still find myself wondering if this is all life is about? & even tho i have love in my life i still find myself thinking (& never telling anyone) that it would just be easier to 'check out'.

this week is worse - cause everyone has an expectation of me to be the blushing happy bride & to be honest this is such a difficult time for me... both my parents have passed away & my brother & sister (my only other family) dont get on with each other or with me... i still mourn the loss of my innocence, years after the crimes & i still love the ones who hurt me & i still wish i had what so many have... a family

i know i'm starting my own now & that brings me joy, & i also know that many many children - especially where i live in south africa have a far far worse / sad story than mine, & i know i have so much to be grateful for... but still the tears fall... am I just weak & do i just pity myself?

i apologize for the long comment... once i start writing it just flows... your article just opened the tap & my fingers poured the words like the tears down my cheeks...

Hey!!! I'm SO happy you rediscovered my blog! I find it quite interesting how we're on the same wavelength about our topics. It really shows how universal depression is with us. I've missed reading your blog very much.

We will need to catch up... maybe via a chat?

Again, I'm very happy you found me again. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

Hugs, Michelle aka The Beartwinsmom

http://beartwinsmom.wordpress.com

Just wanted to add...some folks have been asking about a depression support group.  Health Central has one right here on the site.  I will give you the link now.

Health Central Depression Connection Support Group 

It is a forum format and it seems like there are a lot of wonderful caring people there who are going through similar circumstances with their depression.  So give it a try!

I love your story. I can totally relate. For so long I have felt this pressure and guilt that I cannot "snap out of it." For me It's not something you can cure! I have managed to find ways to cope or manage my depression and mood. For me it has been really important to find others that I can relate to. Reading stories like this and joining the Tribe (www.DepressionTribe.com) has helped more than anything. I find if I proactively do things that deal with my mood, it can't sneak up on me when I'm weak..

Check out the Tribe at: http://www.depressiontribe.com

Thank you for your story.

Thank you for this, it has uplifted me.  I have had depression following a break-up of a relationship and it has now gone into all areas of my life.  I don't like myself, I feel lonely and I feel I have made so many mistakes, overburdened myself with financial stuff and have little money to live and have a social life and who would I see anyway?

Do you have similar feelings?