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Friday, December, 05, 2008

The Happiness Box

by  Merely Me
Monday, September 15, 2008
Merely Me
Merely Me
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I am a published writer who suffers from depression and MS

I have suffered from depression for as long as I can remember and I...

Merely Me

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There comes a time for those who suffer from depression when we are looking in our threadbare cupboards for anything which helps to sustain.  I personally know that during those times, I find little to nourish me.  The things which used to feel enjoyable no longer hold any interest. ...

 

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  1. happiness box
    ihope
    Tuesday, September 16, 2008 at 12:31 PM

    Terrific idea.....I have many mementos of good times, wonderful people, etc...but not right by my bed all in one place.  Good idea!  Sadly, there are people who, at times, for whom this might backfire. (I know someone who actually had a terrible response to this because he was in such awful shape that his despair had taken hold....his being shown old photos of his happy family unfortunately just emphasized, at that moment, and in HIS untreated mind - the hopeless feeling.  That things would never be normal again.   If HE knew that tool and could have CHOSEN when to look, it probably wouldn't have hurt so much.   But his family meant well and brought a photo album to the hospital, which in that case made him feel worse.   (Maybe it was that "I should be able to snap out of this feeling when coming from someone else, no matter how much they try to understand).   I guess the key to the happiness box is knowing that person...and what works for them.  But I, too, have discovered it to be a good thing to identify all the good things in life - in MY life - some of the positives that have resulted unexpectedly from the negatives, and rediscovering laughter at certain sitcoms.   At my worst, I could not read and just stared at the tv while my husband laughed and when a comment was made about the plot or remark on tv, I admitted I was looking at the screen but not watching...my mind was elsewhere or nowhere.   I "assigned" myself the homework of finding a sitcom I could tolerate (!) and watch every day.   I started watching reruns of everybody loves Raymond or, initially, King of Queens.   K of Q must have had something I could relate to...maybe the funny father who references his pills and is just flat out an absurd character...but after awhile I realized it did 2 things:  momentary distraction if I FORCED myself to pay attention.  And, like so many other "maintenance" things, it put a little laughter for healing into the mix.   I'd forgotten, due to traumatic family situation, that I was not only allowed to laugh, but that I NEEDED to unleash those helpful chemicals....and they were - helpful..


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    re: happiness box
    Merely Me
    Wednesday, September 17, 2008 at 02:33 PM

    First of all...I love King of Queens...I have been renting the shows from Netflix. 

     

    You make a good point here...in that the individual needs to be consulted as to what would make them happy or feel more peaceful.  Others cannot do it for the person with accuracy.  And sometimes nothing seems to help for the moment.  You cannot arbitrarily assign people happiness...they need to find it for themselves.

     

    Thanks so much for your comment...you are very insightful.


    reply
  2. this is brilliant
    susan schechter
    Tuesday, September 16, 2008 at 01:14 PM

    Merelyme, this is brilliant. Like you, I love books, and my ex was a great cook whereas, I cannot boil water (he made a nice low cal cheese cake too).

     

    I like the idea of a happiness box, I have heard it referred to as a "grounding kit' before, but your title is much nicer .

     

    And the other thing that can lift me out of depression is watching my cat and listening to her purrrrrr...

     

     


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    re: this is brilliant
    Merely Me
    Wednesday, September 17, 2008 at 02:37 PM

    awww thanks susan!  I know my kitties make me happy too.  I think I will put you into my happiness box!


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  3. Outdoors for a hermit
    Paulinyork
    Tuesday, September 16, 2008 at 03:23 PM

    Seems you possess the magic wand on your happiness box I mentioned in your first or second post. :)

     

    What works for me, sometimes, is a decade of memories, days and nights on the Allegheny River, far north of Pittsburgh. All seasons, walking everywhere. Autumn's brisk air, while looking at at blue sky through colored leaves. Animals crackling through them in the dark. Winter snow. Spring, watching nature come alive. Summer's heat dissipated during all night fishing on the river. Lying on a huge rock on a mountain top, watching hawks circle above. I go too long again, sorry. But you're right, there should be something.

     

    The raising of babies; the memories of true friends, what we did, the easiness of it. The comfort. Music, always music. I heard your song only sung once well. I doubt I will ever again.


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    re: Outdoors for a hermit
    Merely Me
    Wednesday, September 17, 2008 at 02:39 PM

    This is absolutely beautiful...so poetic.  Words such as these belong in the happiness box.  Autumn is my absolute favorite time of year.  Thank you friend, for your word paintings.  You bring joy to all who read you.


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  4. Untitled Comment
    Anonymous
    Tuesday, September 16, 2008 at 05:01 PM

    I tend to seek a poem, or a quote, some idea that takes me out of myself, or perhaps deeper in.  "Luck is fragile, and I must touch it gently."  Both quote and poetry.  I will save this for my box.


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    re: Untitled Comment
    Merely Me
    Wednesday, September 17, 2008 at 02:40 PM

    I am a word and poetry lover too.  I save little scraps of paper with quotes or favorite sayings.  They help me so much.


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  5. taking me out of the world
    zenhead
    Tuesday, September 16, 2008 at 08:03 PM

    i love your happiness box, a very creative solution. i've learned that when i get depressed, i tend to withdraw from the world - and no one realy wants to be around me. i read in some book, can't remember which one, that this is one of the functions of depression. as so well said in the song by wes cunningham: "it's just god's way of pulling me out of the world." i find that i need that time alone - my silence - to just be and allow the depression to work it's way through me and out.

     

    but i will also try building a happiness box!


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    re: taking me out of the world
    Merely Me
    Wednesday, September 17, 2008 at 02:43 PM

    I withdraw too.  I can hardly even read during the bad times.  Conversations with others are nill.  I love how you embrace acceptance of these silent times.


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  6. Happiness Box
    Jen
    Tuesday, September 16, 2008 at 09:47 PM

    I turn to my cat during down times.  He always makes me smile and he keeps me focused on his needs.  I also like watching reruns of old shows.  Especially Seinfeld. 


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    re: Happiness Box
    Merely Me
    Wednesday, September 17, 2008 at 02:44 PM

    Cats and Seinfeld...great combination!  oh and the black and white cookie!  remember that episode?  So good to see you.  Thank you for coming by to read and comment.


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  7. awareness
    tipota
    Wednesday, September 17, 2008 at 02:56 AM

    merely me, i have found, having suffered depression from a young age, that a simple unbridled acceptance of the situation helps to loosen the knots of depression, though it is hard to frame acceptance in a mind that feels tired and overwhelmed but i 'just breathe' and say to myself, 'this is it, this moment is everything i have so accept it and let it be'

    and i find the tension sense that my depression carries seems to smooth, so i have made it a practice to just accept accept accept and i find quite by accident or perhaps by magic, that i am soon accepting a larger sense of well being, and that larger sense gains more strength and honest to goodness depression lifts


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    re: awareness
    Merely Me
    Wednesday, September 17, 2008 at 02:46 PM

    This is really excellent advice and mirrors what my friend zenhead has found too.  It always seems like you should fight it but that takes energy perhaps one doesn't have to begin with. 

     

    Thank you for your insightful comment.


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  8. Wishbox Items
    rar1951
    Wednesday, September 17, 2008 at 06:07 PM

    Dear Merely Me,                                                 9/17/08

                                 I do not have a 'Wish Box', however I would put pictures of scenes of places I may or may not have visited so I could daydream I was there.  And when I say daydream (i.e., I am a visual learner) I mean hear the waves and bird calls at the beach, as well as feel the chilly wind with small patches of warmth from direct sunlight on my skin.

                                  By the way, I am curious.  Is the reason you are not more consistently aided by antidepressant medication due to the meds or something else related to your MS?  My antidepressant (SSRI) consistently relieves my symptoms unless I forget to take it, or if I choose to ingest a depressive substance (e.g., alcohol).  Also, if my stress levels are inordinately high for extended periods, the serum level of my medication may not be able to handle the depressive symptomology (e.g., when I am abused by employers, requiring me to work 60 hours a week for 40 hours of pay).  I have lost several positions due to my resultant depressed behavior in the preceding example, I might add.

                                  I really enjoy your contributions.  You have a very descriptive style of writing.  I am sure you are helping many readers by your gifts.  rar1951


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    re: Wishbox Items
    Merely Me
    Monday, September 22, 2008 at 09:16 AM

    Wanted to personally thank you for stopping by to read and to share.  Your question about meds...I want to answer this in a sharepost sometime soon.  I am currently not taking any prescription anti-depressants.  I am also not taking any MS drugs either.  I know I fly in the face of the norm and I hope to write about my choices soon. 

     

    I do hope you come back to read more.  Nice to meet you.


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    re: Your Reply
    rar1951
    Monday, September 22, 2008 at 07:29 PM

    SurprisedI am surprised by your refusal to take meds.  This is completely your decision, of course.  Reading between the lines, I would guess that you have a situational depression which originates from life circumstances, rather than genetic precursors, like myself.  Therapy, of course is the best course there, and medication is only an adjunct. 

               From your writing, I assume you are in one of the 'helping professions', in addition to your obvious talent for writing.  I am a Clinical Psychologist and life-long depression sufferer, and my schooling and employability have depended on the therapeutic management of my mood through medication.  Unfortunately medications are not perfect, and their therapeutic effects can be diminished or completely nullified by logarithmic increases in stress, other medications, or substances (i.e., I recently found out that saccharin or aspartane sweeteners in diet sodas can do this, and can cause migrane headaches, due to the particular medication I am taking).  And I have lost jobs due to the above as well.  However, I am in the situation that I must take meds in order to be able to function as close as possible to normalcy in order to survive.

                 It appears that you have risen above your disability without the aid of medication, and are thriving.  Bravo!  I look forward to any future contributions of yours, since you can so describe the realm of depression and all of its ramifications, that even at first glance, I was immediately drawn to your writing.  rar1951 


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    re: re: Your Reply
    Merely Me
    Monday, September 22, 2008 at 07:39 PM

    Mmmm...no my depression is not just situational by any means.  I definitely have a genetic predisposition (my father was a depressive, suicidal at times, and died from alcohol addiction) and my mother has paranoid schizophrenia.  I have lots in my gene pool to make things interesting.  Smile

     

    I am ten credits shy of having my MSW and have a Master's in Special Education.

     

    Just wondering if I know you from the blog world at all. 

     

    I do appreciate your comments...they are so insightful. 


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    I Stand Corrected
    rar1951
    Thursday, September 25, 2008 at 09:30 PM

    Forgive me, Merely Me.  My guesses were way off.  Thank you for sharing so much of yourself.  Hearing of your rocky beginning just makes me admire you more.  rar1951


    reply
  9. Thank You
    Jackie
    Friday, October 03, 2008 at 06:54 PM
    I admire your zest for the world and the simple things in life that you have such passion for. Thank You for this article.
    reply

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