How to Win Friends and Influence People When You are a Depressed Introvert

So Andrew Carnegie I'm not.  Actually I have no idea how to "win" friends nor do I know how to influence people.   I am not without skills but these are just not my specialty.  I admit that I was going for the catchy title.  I can tell you, however, about my personal experiences with trying to meet new people for the purpose of making friends.  

I once read a definition of introversion which said that introverts derive their energy from being alone.  I totally agree with this conjecture. I do not mind being alone for this reason.   After a bit of needed isolation then I am ready to go out into the world and be social.  But it sure isn't easy for me.  I remember missing many social events at work, much to the growing anger of my co-workers.  I wasn't so socially anxious while at work because there you have a clearly defined role.  At a social event or party, things mysteriously change.  All of a sudden the focus upon being social makes me feel anxious.  What do I talk about?  What if I look like an idiot?  What if I blurt out something embarrassing?  And too, what are the rules which everyone seems to intuit but me? 

Fed up with my lame excuses for opting out of work get togethers, one of my co-workers confronted me.  I felt like a bug under a magnifying glass when I confessed that parties and large groups of people scare me.  I got the look of confusion as I was surrounded by mainly extroverts who could not understand being fearful of something which they got so much enjoyment from.  So I tried harder to get over my fear through facing it head on.  I wish I could say that it helped but the more I did it, the more drained I felt.  After years of this I finally accepted that I am just not a party person.  Yet I still did want to overcome my fear.

There are times I can absolutely act outgoing and behave in a gregarious manner.  But these times feel like me putting on a new over coat.  It isn't the real me.  I prefer intimacy and one to one interactions a hundred times more than I do chatting superficially within a group.  I once heard a famous journalist say something akin to  the fact that she felt shy people were selfish.  That everyone feels afraid and unsure in social situations but that you have to stop dwelling inward about how you might appear.  I have always disagreed with this notion because I don't think everyone feels the same anxiety and fear. As a matter of fact, I know they don't. 

Several months ago I was feeling the need to get out and meet new people.  I found a group on-line who advertised that they met in a nearby coffee shop.  What attracted me to this particular group?  Well it was a support group for the shy and socially anxious.  It seemed perfect for me.