All the Lonely People

Who can forget the Beatle's song, "All the Lonely People"?  Every time I have heard it in my life I ran to the radio to change the station.  It is a song which depresses me to hear it and especially the mournful refrain.

"All the lonely people, where do they all come from?
All the lonely people, where do they all belong?"

There are no shortage of songs about loneliness.  I will offer up only a couple more.  How about Three Dog Night with their woeful, "One is the Loneliest Number"?

"One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do
Two can be as bad as one
It's the loneliest number since the number one"

And what of Roy Orbison's lament of "Only the Lonely?"

"Only the lonely
Know the heartaches I've been through
Only the lonely know I cry and cry for you."

This part of the human condition is mirrored in music, art, literature, movies, and even comedy.  There is a special understanding among people who have experienced the pain of being lonely.  The irony is that we are connected through our isolation. It is very possible to feel lonely despite the fact that there are so many other people experiencing the same feelings.

What exactly does it mean to feel lonely?  It isn't the same thing as being alone.  People quite often cherish their alone time.  I know I do.  I like to have time to rest and to allow my thoughts to meander without the echo of another voice.  I enjoy the peacefulness and even beauty that isolation can produce.  Some of my most creative moments seem to happen when I am alone walking or riding my bike down woodsy paths.  There are many good things about being alone.  So where does this feeling of loneliness enter the picture?

Does loneliness depend upon the physical proximity of other people?  I would say absolutely not.  I have felt some of my most lonely times in the midst of crowds where your anonymity can seem profound.  I have felt it on bus rides through the city where all eyes gaze blankly away from any recognition of humanity.  We sit like cardboard boxes in a row, full of nothing. We come and go without any notice at all.

On the other side of things, I have felt a kinship with a complete crowd of strangers as when I ran with a thundering crowd for the sake of people who have Autism.  I felt the tears of communion with others who shared a common goal. We were all running to help people like my youngest son who has this disorder.  I felt a part of a larger whole and I felt purposeful.

Can one feel lonely with friends?  The answer is yes.  I have felt the sting of loneliness while talking one on one with a friend or acquaintance.  Your depressed mind takes you to a far corner where the attempt at simple conversation leaves you dry and lifeless.  It seems a strange occurrence but sometimes company can make you feel more lonely than not.  And then there are times when I have been with a more silent friend and I feel a great intimacy and bonding.  It is possible to be alone but together if that makes any sense at all.