All the Lonely People

You can feel lonely with family, with a spouse, and with your kids.  These are all possible combinations.  The feeling of loneliness is not dependent upon the physical closeness of other people.

Can one be admired and loved and still feel lonely?  Again the answer is yes.  Look at the famous for the answer to this question.  Marilyn Monroe stands out as an example for me.  She was so sought after, so cherished by many but yet she still felt extremely lonely.  People did not really know her beyond her image.  Fame does not make loneliness go away.  One of the most poignant moments in a film was with Bette Midler who plays a singing star much like Janis Joplin. In the movie, The Rose, Midler tearfully tries to make human connection from a public telephone.  She is unsuccessful and we see her left alone in the rain, receiver in hand.  It is a stark contrast to her magnetic presence on stage with a chanting crowd of fans.

Again I ask, what then, does it mean to be lonely?

From my personal point of view it means to feel disconnected from others in an emotional and even spiritual way.  It means to feel that you are misunderstood.  It means that you feel unappreciated and unworthy.  It means that you feel nobody cares. Ultimately... loneliness makes you wonder if you matter at all to anyone. 

I am not sure if depression causes loneliness of if loneliness causes depression.  I do think they go hand in hand regardless of the directionality of causation.  Depression can make us think that we are unworthy which leads us to be hesitant about seeking connection.  These negative self-thoughts can also cause us to hinder the relationships we do have and to take things the wrong way.  If we feel that nobody likes us then we tend to seek that sort of validation to make our negative thoughts come true.  It is a bad cycle to be in for sure.

I am certain of one thing and it is that we humans are biologically geared for needing and wanting human interaction.  But we are selective it seems.  Not just any interaction will do.  We do grade our relations with others by things like the strength of connection. 

And here is the million dollar question.  What is the special *IT* which we feel with some people which makes us feel that we are not alone?  What makes for true connection? 

Then too some people ease their loneliness through non-human friendships like taking care of a pet.  Others rely on their connection to God and their religious beliefs.  Still others use work or hobbies to curb feelings of isolation.  There are as many remedies to loneliness as there are people in the world.

I am very interested in what you think.  How would you define loneliness?  What is the cure?  What helps you to feel less lonely?