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How to Get Motivated and Moving When You are Depressed (Part Two)

By Merely Me Monday, December 22, 2008

In Part One of this series I talked about how depression can make you feel that horrible inertia where you lack the desire to do much of anything.  In this post I will attempt to give you some tools to combat this lack of motivation in order to get you up and moving.

 

It has been my experience that if you are experiencing a depressive episode, you need to adjust your priorities and expectations.  I switch into survival mode during these times.  Any activity which is not immediately essential to my well being or my children's welfare is put aside for days when I am feeling better.  My to do list may only include a handful of items including getting enough sleep, getting the kids to school, and making sure everyone is safe and well fed. 

 

If any of the essential tasks seem too difficult it is time to alter them to make them easier to do and/or to enlist help.  If you don't feel like making dinner you can always order out or as one author, Kristine Breeze, suggests in her book, "Cereal For Dinner:   Strategies, Shortcuts, and Sanity for Moms Battling Illness, it is okay to have breakfast for dinner.  Depression is an illness and sometimes certain adjustments will have to be made.  Another strategy is to enlist the help of others including your family.  When things get to be too hard it is okay to ask for help. 

 

It is easier said than done but do try not to feel guilty about the things you are not able to accomplish during a depressive episode.  If you expend a lot of energy emotionally beating yourself up, you will have less time to truly recuperate and feel better.  I like to use the analogy of depression as a strong ocean wave.  If you try to stop the wave it can knock you under the water and quite possibly drown you.  But if you allow it to wash over you and even ride it through, you can survive and get to shore safely. 

 

Jane Mountain, MD, in her book "Beyond Bipolar:  7 Steps to Wellness" talks about re-defining goals in terms of mobilization which simply means getting up and moving:

 

"My goal here is to move, not necessarily to accomplish a task.  It is to overcome the depressive mood clues by mobilization.  Purposefully initiating a small activity can be the starting point..."

 

Doctor Mountain suggests that you keep a list of small do-able activities.  Adjust your activities, as I have previously suggested, with your level of depression.  Then up the ante just a bit.  Perhaps one goal during a depressive episode is to take a shower.  If you accomplish this task then perhaps up the ante to add making the bed.  The key is to keep moving.  In essence you are making a conscious decision to act. 

 

The topic of how to handle depression in the workplace is too large to handle within this single post.  But suffice to say, some of the strategies I have just discussed still apply.  Adjust your expectations and priorities.  Which tasks are absolutely essential for you to keep your job?  Are there any tasks you can forego for a later time or are you able to delegate some activities to others?  Try not to accept any new projects during these depressive times.  Keep your day manageable if you can.  If your depression becomes severe, one option is to ask for work accommodations.  Yet this is much like Pandora's Box, once you open it, you can never go back.  There is a web site devoted to helping people to understand what these work accommodations may involve called JAN.  Their telephone number is 1800-526-7234 if you need further assistance.

Anonymous
Anonymous
12/22/08 6:50pm

Depressed or not, it's just fine to have breakfast for dinner.

Motivation comes from a sense of duty, especially at the work place, people are heavily dependant on pushing aside personal feelings and doing your best, there isn't a choice, too much is at stake.

At home it is true for me, that the initial movement during that time is the hardest. A first task completed usually leads to another. Your quote of both authors near the end is the key to finding a reason to move, the feeling it doesn't matter must be overcome. That, and some things just must be done.

12/22/08 11:38pm

When family & friends are concerned I have very little or no support whatsoever! My daughter had told me for no apparant reason over 3 1/2 yrs. ago that she no longer wants to have anything to do with me. I have three gorgeous grandchildren which I have not seen in over 3 1/2 yrs. She told me that If I mailed any Xmas gifts that year that she would mail them back. Well, lo and behold 5 days after I mailed everything in a very giant box the size of a desk that I lugged up to the post office, she mailed everything back completly unopened just as she had said she would. I really didn't believe that she would be that cruel, but she was!! Since then I have still mailed all the kids their B'day gifts, Easter gifts, and whatever else and she has not returned anything, however, that does not mean that she hasn't given them to away either.

Today is my oldest grandaughters b'day who turns 12. I e-mailed her an e-mail for her b'day last night, however, I have no idea if her mother showed it to her. This week I will be mailing their Xmas gifts. Again I will have no idea if she will give them to each child 12, 9 & 6 respectively or if she will just give them away. There is absolutely no way that I will ever know. I will just have to take my chances. The oldest child definitely knows me, and used to come running to my car every time I came. She would then tell the others ("There's Nana, There's Nana"), as the youngest one doesn't even know me. My daughter lives 50 miles away and I know longer have a car. My daughter has never brought the kids to my house nor has she even called me in the past x3 years, except this past year as I was moving and she did help me, as my sister kept calling her to come help me. I am a senior as well as disabled.

  As far as my sister is concerned our relationship is extremely toxic. She has been calling me all day to tell me that she's not coming over for Xmas. I had invited her for the day after Xmas, as she has refused to invite me in the past 5 yrs. or more.  She then had agreed last week that she would come over the day after Xmas. She insisted that she didn't want me to "come to her house on Xmas Day as Xmas was for Family". I just said to her "So what am I chopped liver. She is 46 and I am 18 yrs. older than her, however, both of our parents have passed away, and the only other close relative we have is my daughter who actually stopped seeing my sister 12 yrs. ago when both my duaghter and my sister had their children 8 days apart on Xmas week.  My sister has 7 children ranging in age from 26-4 1/2. My 26 yr. old nephew has actually just had his own baby, so I am a great aunt, despite the fact that I still have not even seen the baby yet. He will be a year in Feb. the same time that I had moved to my current address.

  Anyway after her arguing with me all day and completely changing her mind as to which day she wanted to come over, after I had already gone out shopping last week and bought all kinds of food to cook, as her usual demina was to set me up completly. I was set up real good this time as I have also bought all of her 6 children ages 4 1/2 to 16 1/2 their gifts. I just have to wrap them, which is where my inertia steps in, as after arguing with her all day and not even knowing if she's going to come over, I have no inertia whatsoever to even wrap the gifts that I have spent a lot on as usual, despite the fact that I am on a very fixed income and can barely afford food for my table.

    So what do I do??  I have arranged for someone to come over in the morning to help me wrap a bunch of presents that I don't even know if they will be received, as I have no idea what her plans are now, as the last comment she said to me was that "I'll never see the kids!!""

   These children are all adorable and my heart goes out to them despite the fact that for some unkown reason she thinks that I don't care about her or her kids!! Why on earth would I keep inviting her over even after all of the mean things she continues to say to me, like"You'll never be invited to my house, & for some ungodly reason she is suddenly blaming me for our mother's death who died when she was only 9 yrs. old from a heart attack. I was married @ the time and my daughter was only 5. My mother died @ a very young age of only 52, 37 yrs. ago.

  Therefore, this is going to be a very long long week, not knowing if my sister will be coming the day after Xmas, or that weekend or even next week, and not even expecting to hear from my one and only daughter!!  The gifts will most likely be mailed as usual, however, I then have no guarentee that the children will receive them, nor do I have the pleasure of watching them open them like the majority of people in this world do!!  Thanks for listening!  Any suggestions as to how to deal with either sister or my daughter will be greatly appreciated.  

Anonymous
Anonymous
12/30/08 4:33pm

I am no good with list, or sticking to them.  But I agree totally with the need to get ones self moving... even if its just a shower.  Good advice

12/30/08 10:22pm

This comment comes very late, since it's about Christmas and today Christmas is already over - in the past (whoo!)

 

My depression this Christmas was worse than usual. I saw everyone around me shopping and baking and decorating, yet it was difficult for me to even get a simple dinner on the table. How could I possibly prepare for Christmas in such a state? Christmas was marching along, yet I was being left far behind.

 

My husband did a wonderful thing. He said, "Look, Marja, how about if we don't have Christmas at our house this year? You don't have to bake, we don't have to send cards, we don't have to have a tree." Did that ever take the pressure off! Immediately I started really wanting to bake and to decorate. I didn't "have to" do anything. I only needed to do what I "wanted to" do.

 

I struggled with depression even on Christmas day (I've usually beat it back by then). I'm still not sure it's absolutely gone. This has been a roller coaster kind of depression - good for a couple of days and then in the depths. But it does feel good to have it all behind me - all the expectations. It feels good to get back to a more normal way of life.

12/30/08 10:28pm

I didn't complete my story. In the end, I did bake three things, we did decorate, and I did get my Christmas shopping done. We gave up doing the cards this year. And I enlisted my daughter-in-law to make the Christmas dinner dessert.

 

My husband's ploy worked very well. The tough thing about Christmas is the expectations we put on ourselves isn't it? Too bad that what should be such a beautiful season is so tough to handle. What's the answer?

6/ 9/09 1:18am

Ok, the problem is this. I do lower my expectations of myself. I do set small goals. At least I can get up and take a shower. Hurray! I washed the dishes today.  I don't have to fix dinner tonight. I can just order out.

Well, the problem is that I've been living this way for two freakin' years. I set these lower goals and now I get through life by waking up at the last possible minute, giving myself enough time to shower, throw some sorry looking clothes on, drag a brush through my shaggy hair and get to work. At work, I somehow get through the day coasting on my reputation of good work from past years. My co-workers manage to run things in spite of me. After work I eat out so that I can avoid going home and facing the trash heap my house has become. I stay away long enough to justify going to bed as soon as I get home. And then it starts all over again the next day. I've ruined my credit by never paying my bills. I'm squandering tons of money by always eating out. 

Take little steps? If I took any smaller steps I'd be immobile. Wait aminute... I AM imobile!!

6/ 9/09 3:41pm

I hear ya.

 

Nobody can walk in your shoes.  You sound fed up with the situation so...despite any well meaning advice...what do you want to do?  Your choices are...to keep doing what you are doing or change.  Yes...easier said than done.  But this is your life.  What do you want to do with it?

 

The answers have to come from you.

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By Merely Me— Last Modified: 01/17/12, First Published: 12/22/08