In Part One of this Series I talked about how to go about finding a therapist and what qualities to look for in a mental health practitioner. In this article I will discuss what happens when things don't work out exactly as you had hoped for with the relationship you have with your therapist. I personally hope that you have such a wonderful therapist that you don't have to worry about prematurely ending therapy, but things do happen.
I was very fortunate in my early twenties to find a fabulous therapist who was both knowledgeable and skilled in knowing how to treat depression. More specifically he was a good match for my personality and for assisting me with my particular life issues. I had good insurance back then and was able to partake in long term therapy, as in years. Nowadays you are lucky if even the best insurance will cover more than a half a year of sessions. Most of the time you will be paying out of pocket for deductibles as well. So it is all the more imperative that you find someone good. Remember that this is your time and money. Make the best of it!
In later years I used my first therapist as a gage and it seems difficult to find anyone who measures up. The focus nowadays is upon short term therapy and short term methodology. When I was in my late thirties I sought help from a therapist who said his methods included behavioral and cognitive techniques. I am going to call this therapist, "The Green Man" and you will soon know why. I soon found that his techniques were not a match for me and neither was his personality.
One day I came to for a session and found my therapist very interestingly attired. He was dressed all in green. I am not just talking one or two articles of clothing here. I mean his shirt, his pants, his tie, his socks, and yes even his shoes were green. Imagine how hard it would be to find green shoes. And it was not St. Patty's Day. When I asked him about his affection for the color green he grew irritated and defensive. It was then that my gut said that this might not be the right therapist for me. I wanted a therapist, not a leprechaun.
And then there was the fact that he categorized me and my issues without ever getting to know me. I came to him wanting to deal with how to handle my son's diagnosis with autism and also some phobias I had including the fear of driving and he told me that these problems were due to a mid-life crisis. I failed to see any connection.
The "Green Man" was also keen on my dealing with anger. So he told me to buy a notebook and whenever I felt angry, I would write a log during that time of what provoked me. I thought it silly and came into the next session reading from the log, "It makes me irritated that my therapist is giving me ridiculous homework assignments instead of really talking to me." Needless to say that didn't go over so well with him. He also had these peculiar mannerisms of a flourish of his hands when he drawled out, "Sooo how does that make you feeeeeel?" This usually came after I already had told him how I felt about a particular issue. It made me think he was either dense or that he just wasn't listening.
