I met this guy who was 24 and I 19. He had two kids of his own, 8 months and 2 years. He was going through a divorce because she caught him cheating on her. He justifies it as that she deserved it. He ultimatly won custody of his two after threating her that if she even showed up to court, she would be hurting. She didnt show. After 15 years of cohabiting with him and his two and then we had one of our own, who is now 10, he kicked me out of the home, using my alcohol use as an excuse. I did drink a little too much, only to get him to open up, loosen up and quit being so mad and mean all of the time. I also felt deep resentment for those other two kids for coming into my life as suddenly as they did. They were not geniune children very lazy and we did not have a close relationship, not really. I did all of the cleaning for a family of five. He did cheat on me at least 8times during our time before our son was born. I had a c section, I was told not to do anything physical for at least 2 weeks. He helped me get out of bed the first night home and let me carry the baby down a flight of curving stairs with no rails, alone. Alone I took care of our son for all of the years we were still living together. But, he seemed to have resolved his cheating ways. 7 more years went by... all of a sudden, he became very distant. I did quit the drinking, was on 4 weeks sober, when he said we need time apart. I couldnt believe what I was hearing, I had no clue. I moved out w/ our son, no job, I quit my job due to the emotional stress I was feeling. Had no savings, no place to go, except to my moms unfinished basement for the entire summer. During that summer... I discovered he was seeing a woman he worked with. He was having an emotional affair and probably much more although he wont admit it. At the same time... telling me that will be back together, he loves me and all I need to do is stop drinking. I had already got off to great start but how is someone who once used the substance to numb the pain I endured during our relationship because he was so emotionally unavailable and resentment suppossed to hang it up when he ios seeing someone else but yet saying another? It wasnt easy, I tripped and feel a few times. More than tripped and fell, I got 3 duis in one year. That year. All because I was numbing the pain and made bad decisions. Now 4 years have passed, he won custody due to the threat that he will fight tooth and nail for it, because it is what is expected of him. My lawyer warned me against him. So, I signed. In the first 10 years together he was physically abusive, several black eyes and a cut lip. A broken car window during my first pregnancy, which he demanded I terminate. I was in the car trying to escape him because he was jealous that I had started a new job and was being trained by a man. The cut lip was my 1st mothers day present with my second child. He didnt come home for the 3 months of our sons life. When he did, it was always late and once, his shirt was turned inside out!! Weve been separated for 4 years and he still is controlling me worse than ever. I caught him in bed with her the night before I was to check in to treatment. They were in thier undies, hmmm? No sexual contact with this woman? Yeah, right! She ended up dumping him . I think after seeing him for at least 2 years while he was also seeing me, because she learned of a ring he had bought me for xmas. Since then, I have found pictures on facebook of those two together on an outing, one of several. All along, he was living a double life telling me I was the only one and vise versa. He believes I was wrong for persuing another relationship with someone else, during these 4 years. I am worthless, a whore and a drunk. But yet, he promises we will reunite at the end of this summer. He made this promise to manipulate me into signing over our son, my only child, who was tried for, no doubt about that. Now that the summer is almost 1/3 over... we have made no progress. He has ever invited me over to dinner or to stay the night, unless, it is like past midnight. Everytime I do see him, he uses demands for sex, making me feel like if I didnt and enjoy it, he will be mad at me. He tells me he does support me trying to stay sober, he supports no one. He is very narrcissict and manipulative. Its like a roller coaster, I always know when the time is nearing for him to shame, blame, isolate, and turn my world upside down. He did more than once during my finals for college. He hasnt hit me in alot of years now, but psychological and sexual abuse is way more devasting, it cuts deep into the victims soul, self worth and overall happiness and confidence. I know it will never work out, I am educating myself, with all of this time I have to myself. I see him maybe once during a 2 week period. For about 2-4 hours is the max. Dinner is always at my house, when he is receiving public assistance for food. 400$ a month. I, am still permanatly unemployed. I do work at a Credit Union for 5 months out of the year, do other jobs in between, sometimes and attend college. Living off of that, unemployment and student loans. I take our son every weekend, provide his upscale clothing, emotional support and affection, and entertainment, such as recreational, etc. I take him also for the entire summer. Thanks for summer!! Anyway, its time to get out and I am realizing, I have got to make a plan and run. Never to look back. I never felt that way in these past 20 years, like I do now. He is nearly impossible to get away from. I am grateful that I do have my own place, a place where I dont have to be ignored and so on. Ive just got to stick to my guns and have no contact with him unless it concerns my son and hope that in the near future, I will get custody.