Why You May Be Sabotaging Your Happiness

Sounds like you and I have the same syndrome.

the "i'll be happy when" syndrome.

I don't know much.

You sound like you are doing well.

Here's a motto both of us need to follow.

Each Morning I wake up and say to myself,I have two choices today.

I can Choose to be in a Good mood or I can choose to be in a Bad mood.

I always choose to be in a good mood.

Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or learn from it.

I always choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining,I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life.

Life is all about Choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice; you choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or in a bad mood. It's your choice how you live your life.

Every day you have the choice to either love your life or to hate it. The only thing that is truly yours-that no one can control or take from you-is your attitude, so if you can take care of that,everything in life becomes easier.

I am only relating this because I have a very bad temper.

I have problems tolerating pain, I don't want to see people ruin there lifes by hating their life.

Life is a gift. Rev 4: 11

All Praise goes to god,the glory the honor and the power.

I think you are a very strong capable mother and wife,Just struggling unfortunately with Problems you weren't meant to have.

I hope I didn't hurt your feelings.

I have a sying" This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you."

You are very smart.

I couldn't figure out the email Merely Me sent.

Johnny Lonely child

Yes, I do have that syndrome, the 'I'll be happy when" syndrome! I always wake up now saying I want to be in a good mood, I have days when I don't WANT to be in that good mood, but sometimes my 4 year old won't let me, he's a sweetie for it also. He makes me smile or laugh out loud and laugh alot, so hard, it makes my eyes tear up! I'm trying to be strong, but some days it doesn't work, but some days it does, and that's when I thank God for the good days. I read my Bible when days are bad, and it helps. You didn't hurt my feelings, we are sounding as if we are of the same mold! We both have the same problems, but we will get over them, thru God, anything is possible! I'm doing what I can everyday, but, not really well, but I'm trying, it's hard, but I'm willing to take on the battle. So, you take care, you know alot, you have responded to 2 of my comments, and I'm glad you did. You keep your chin up, and keep telling yourself, as I do, days will get better if we want them to, which I do!!  Hugs to you, you're great!!

Hi

I always enjoy the psalms.

One of my favs. is Psalm 24.

One of King David's songs

Johnny Lonely Boy

Psalms is my favorite also!! Especially Psalms 23. The best!

Don't blame yourself for not having good relationships and not being married, maybe it just wasn't meant to be, God is the one that knows whats meant to be and what isn't. Go with your heart on relationships, just because you are ill, doesn't mean there isn't SOMEBODY for you!! Maybe down the road, you'll find someone that will help you with love and not worry or judge you in your illness. It took my husband several years to not judge me and my illness, and it took alot of me talking to him about my illness so he could understand it more and me and my moods. I have been diagnoosed with sever depression, sometimes the Dr. says it Bipolar, but I beg to differ with her. I was in a mental hospital once, didn't like it and stayed for a week. Hated my husband during my time there, whenever he visited and when I got out. He put me there because he didn't understand my illness as good as he wanted. I was glad to be there, because I opened my own eyes to my illness and understood I could have good days more than the bad ones if I wanted. So, 6 years later, I'm here, enjoying life to the fullest and loving every minute of it, so can you!! Could probably still use a different medicine, but the Dr hasn't mentioned that yet, hopefully soon!! Like I said, hugs to you from me, because they are free!!!!

Actually my father took a lot of talking to to reach him too.

I meant Psalms 23 sorry.

I get those confused.

Johnny lonely boy

Oh I am so sorry you had to go through that bad time.  I think we have all been there to some extent.  I am glad you have found a way to wake up and feel as though you can survive what comes.  Thank you for sharing your resilience and strength with us.

My computer messed up, so 2 comments are here, but not finished!!

I want to say, I get up and have coffee WITH my husband now instead of sleeping until noon or not getting up at all. My husband, god bless him, takes me to the Doctor when need be and I actually go now. The only thing missing now, is a therapist. I don't have one, don't know where to find one, although my dr. did say she'd help me with that, so I may try it. It helped before.

Now, I feel somewhat better, and more better than I did 20 yrs. ago.

Sorry this is such a mess, but when Merely Me wants us to comment and I really have something to say, it justs comes out!! I have the need to type, so I do!!

Love and lots of hugs to all!!

yes,

You are on your way.

Please ask your doctor about getting a therapist.

I'm still trying to get thru the day

Johnny Lonely Boy

Thank you, but I'm only on my way because I believe I can do it, and I have God by my side! I will ask my Dr. about therapy, because I think it will do me some good. I really don't have anyone I can talk to about my problems, so I will ask about one. You have to make yourself get through the day, you have God and us on this discussion group all next to you, ok? Just remember this, God loves you and so do we!! Hugs from me because there free!

Yes Kelly Jo...you are very right in that I absolutely want you to keep writing and commenting and interacting here.  You are a beacon of light for folk here.  Keep shining!

Thank you Merely Me. I've never been called a 'beacon of light' before! So, it makes me feel good and I now have a big smile on my face! I will keep shining, alot of people on the board need that shine, so I help with what I can.

Hi

I have sabotage every good relationship I had.

Explains why I am not married.

I don't have very many good qualities.

I have 3 illnesses to deal with;maybe ones I don't even know I have.

I am scared to go to the doctor's tomorrow,I'm afraid I'll be thrown in the inpatient unit.and from there who knows what can happen.

Maybe institutionalized.

I don't take threats lightly,

It works to get some people to straighten up.

But in my book it's poor Psycology.

I have schizoaffective disorder, and when I was young I made fun of people who were different to fit in.

I found out to late that hate will get you no place.

In fact I'm still learning.

Johnny Lonely child

The Inner Child has spoken

jpw2008? Im sad reading your reply. I understand how u feel. There are times when I cant even watch the News on T.V. as nothing sinks in just like u couldnt read all the article... I think u got the main message. ITs a positive step that you REALISE that you sabotaged [I did too] your relationships. You say youve no good points, Im sure many would disagree, this low self esteem and self loathing is part of the Depression and accompanying disorders. Dont give up on yourself, youve alot of support here. Go to the Docs. Say what u need to, be calm and remember, you deserve to be treated as the decent human being you are.

I've probably overlooked the good ones because of sabotaging my life so bad.

This mental illness makes you feel as though you don't have any good points

Johnny Lonely boy

Hi LONELY BOY - This sounds awful and trite, but it works ! Write down your good points, try and remember good deeds, helpful things u did for others, delete the negative stuff. put the good points in  a row .Keep the Note and read it later sometime when u are full of self Loathing. The fact youre on this helpSite is one good thing about u. youre helping others !

very well said.

I know not everybody listen to me.

I'm glad you do

Keep posting

Johnny Lonely Boy

Hey, I listen to you also!!

Oh Rose...your comment is making me cry...it is so honest and...beautiful.

You absolutely do have so much to share!

I think maybe we all need to redefine "success" and especially when we are dealing with seeminly insurmoutable challenges.  I just want to stay in the ring...keep fighting.  Success for me is that I don't stop trying.

I am grateful for your words and also your kindness...that was really nice what you said about my mom...I think you are right.  She knew what was coming and was just...afraid.  I got so mad at her but...when I look back...her efforts were so huge considering the cards she was dealt. 

You are very appreciated here.  Thank you for all of your contributions.

Hi Merely Me,    thanks so much for your compliments. I went online this morning feeling low and dejected. Your message made me feel somewhat valuable! Yes, Im beginning to try and re evaluate the whole 'Success' thing and not to buy into the Media s Version ie Fantastic Career,Lotsa money,etc.,   I have a v cold family who never visit. they are all very intelligent high achievers but somewhat shallow,materialistic, thats an observation, not a critisism. They have no time for me because they cant understand why I'm not out there on television, or Media or that I didnt rise to the top when i worked with homeless etc.  I have come to the conclusion that if I dont want to SABOTAGE MY HAPPINESS I have to accept that they will never change... I have to change. Change my need for 1. love and acceptance  2. any type of affirmation or 3.Understanding of how difficult my illness makes my life from them.

They never call. I can sabotabe my happiness by recycling  in my head 'they never call why?' 'Im a nice person, why dont I fit in with them?' etc but it makes me ill, its very Toxic. Everyone does the best they can.Sometimes they give up for awhile, life can be tiring. Today Merely Me and all online, promise yourselves to say 'Cancel' or 'Delete' everytime a Sabotaging thought comes into your minds.  IF only, I wish, I should have, she should have, they should have, is a recipe for Depression. Love to u all.  This Site is very helpful to me.

Hello

Thank you for the lovely compliment but I would never consider myself brilliant.  I just write about my experiences. 

I am glad you are still here and hanging in there. 

You are doing so well in reaching out and offering compassion to others.

Hi merely me

More talented than I can ever imagine.

I am so sick and tired.

I have a load on my back that I can't see

Johnny Lonely Boy

I am sorry...is it possible to leave your load for awhile and take a break? 

Keep writing...and hanging in there.

Marja, you have described ME  exactly.I suffer Bipolar and am type 2, as u know that means exactly as u say. Not knowing from Day to Day how youre going to feel. I know exactly what u mean by changing Gear. Last night I was happy and lauging at a dvd. I wentto bed feeling happy [had been very up and down all week] then this morning I woke with churning stomach 4am, anxiety, dread, if I was meeting aman for a Date today I would seem like a totally different person. Of course I hide the depression as much as possible coz who wants to be with you ? Living alone, when ~i meet the few pals that have stuck by me, I make the effort to be OK. It takes a great effort. I feel Marja that its worth the effort. I dont want to sabotage my life anymore youre the same im sure.     I think we gotta Accept that we have this illness, like the weather, u kinda dont know what its gonna do, I went to a Support Group a while back run by my hospital. they had a saying that may help - ITS BETTER TO ACT YOURSELF INTO A FEELING    THAN TO FEEL YOURSELF INTO  AN ACTION. So I find that ACTING sometimes does help. Give yourself a pat on the back today, we have a horrible illness, its not like Bipolar 1 where at least u know youre going to be this way or that way for a number of weeks, its erratic and harder in many ways. Bipolar 1 is awful too i know.

We are the Silent Survivors, the heroes without Medals !! Have a good day

Hi

It's hard when you've been hurt so bad.

It takes time to heal.

Notice I didn't say recovery.

Healing is possible,I'm not so sure about recovery.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Look at something you enjoy, or do something you enjoy.

I'm still trying to do that.

Me,I like to help people if and when I can.

I have to except that not everyone will like what I have to say.

Or even listen.

When they listen, ah, thats where the joy comes for me.

Thank you and everyone on this site for listening,

Johnny Lonely Boy

Ps each of us has some talent, Some of us have to do some "soul searching" to find it

Don't dream It's over,

Johnny Lonely Boy

Hi Lonely Boy, youve just said it in your email - you like helping people, thats a very very unselfish thing. It means u have the capacity to reach out, to forget your own pain and to listen, care  and give of yourself emotionally. thats a wonderful gift to have and whats more, you like doing it !! Dont ever think youve nothing to offer. Ive been reading your post over last week or so since I joined, you have helped me .

Marja...

You are so genuine and candid about your experience...I am so appreciative.

I can relate some.  I have often thought this about myself as well...I have no idea who I will be when I wake up.  It seems the moods just can roll in like a sudden storm...and no warning.  It can be so hard to live like this.

You have described this so well. 

It is like...how can one day be so light and the next day be so dark? 

Sometimes you just wish for no emotions at all.  But then you aren't living I suppose.

I want you to keep writing here.  You are a mirror for so many of us.  I know it helps me to know that there is someone else who is dealing with similar issues.

Thank you Marja.

Yes, Kudos to merely me for such great questions and animated discussion.

A roller coaster ride is exactly what it is. Joy is hard to achieve but well worth the effort.

I don't feel like I'm loved by anyone.

I know I am so I search for it outside of myself to make myself whole.

Merely Me wrote me on the subject of acceptance.

If you don't accept myself I won't be able to recieve the love thats out there.

I find it hard to grasp.

I have to keep working at it.

We have a challenge with the trying times ahead.

Keep up the fight,

It will be worth it,

Johnny Lonely Boy

You know...I can totally relate to this.  It seems like when you feel joy...you are also vulnerable.  I am always like..."uh oh...when is the shoe going to drop?"  If you are way up there...the bottom seems a long way to fall.  I think if you look for the fall...you kinda make it more likely to happen.  I think sometimes we sabotage ourselves because it gives us control.  That way...someone or something else won't catch us unawares.  Does that make sense?

Very insightful comment.  Thank you.

Merely me, this makes so much sense to me.  The fear of the unknow is always scarier than something you know, no matter how bad it is.  However, being someone who got to a point where I was mostly content, even happy, only to suffer a severe anxiety attack and return into depression years later--I can tell others it is never as bad as it seems.  Though I am upset to be feeling this way after feeling good so long, I am more determined than ever now to go back there.  Besides, even when I am in the depths of depression, I always think, nothing could be worse than this.  It is scary though.

Hello Judy    U make so much sense when  you speak about someone or something coming along and spoiling your Joy. It can be a hurtful remark, thoughlessness on the part of someone else, News on TV. Like you say, peace of mind and acceptance of our illness and the ability to keep on working at getting Serentiy and peace is paramount.

I feel Judy that part of the Depressive illness is low self esteem and we are so fragile, our joy, our happiness can be plummeted into the depths by the action or words of others. Its as if we give others such power and also we are just very senssitive people. I am working at trying not to let others coldness or lack of understanding and hurtful remarks take my peace away. Recently, a longtime friend said that Antidepessants werea 'Crutch', that everyone got depressed. Since I dont go into details of the awful blackness and Anxiety and Agoraphobia I suffer during bad bouts, I found this awfully hurtful and it took my Happiness and peace away. Now Im working hard at not allowing ignorant remarks etc take my happiness away.   Joy is a wonderful thing. For me its transient. Thats part of the illness. I dont see many joyful people around when I visit my local gigantic Shopping Mall across the road, do you?  Hang in there and dont let anyone take your peace.

Thank you, Rose.  I totally agree with the sensitivity issue - I KNOW I am too much that way.  Not only do I get easily hurt, but if I even have the slightest sense that someone needs something, I feel like I'm the one who has to provide it and if I don't really want to, then I suffer from guilt.  I have been working on this a long time and it's extremely hard because it feels like being between a rock and a hard place!  I wonder sometimes if my feeling of responsibility comes from the simple wish to prevent anyone being angry with me, as I grew up in a family where anger and abuse were everyday occurrences and my energy was taken up figuring out how to either avoid them or minimize them.  So, having finely-tuned "radar" was how I managed.  I don't need it as much any more, but it's very hard to shut off.  The funny thing is, when I can shut it off, then I feel like a bad person because I'm insensitive!  I really can't win that one, can I?  I'm kind of half-laughing to myself about that, but I only wish it WAS funny.  I have a feeling that you may experience this, as well, and it helps to be able to explain it and know that people understand.  Thanks again, Rose.

Hi again Judy, ~Pussy Footing around and walking on Eggshells was part of my childhood too -'Sorry for existing' attitude, I used to shut doors so quietly, never raise  my voice. I learnt to be nobody, not to have my own needs. I think we became people pleasers in order to survive ! However the Survival mechanism that we used in our childhoods is no longer needed but our brains have obviously got the script inscribed somewhere ! If I was to describe myself in one sentence Id say 'If a aperson bumps into me  I say sorry' Im trying to realise Im a person with needs, one of those is not to be hurt or have to agree or pander to anyone, the freedom to be myself. When I can be that, I believe alot of anxiety and Depression will ease, although I realise that I have a Medical condition. Take care

Hi lanette,

I can only empathize with you.

Having mental illness is one thing.

Having Physical illness is another.

I can imagine having both.

Keep fighting,Keep trying

Most of all keep going.

We at this site are here for you,

Johnny Lonely boy

My sister has MS.  Unfortionately, it took many years to diagnose.  I hope for you that either way, you get a diagnosis quickly.  There are some great support groups for people with MS, my sister has been very encouraged through her local group.  The MS society web-site has some great resources.  It is daunting to think about fighting both depression and a disease like MS. I can barely function with my depression.   However, my sister has shown me that it is possible. She has learned to truly take life one day at a time. 

I will pray for you.

Rose

WOW  We are so much alike.  I Feel Exactly what you are saying here.  Lonely and always Crying inside.  When I go to bed I cry,  As soon as I wake up in the morning I Cry,  I feel like I have to try to make it another day feeling so empty, lonely, and sad.  I have no interest's, No talent, No hobbies,  I hate Me