Why You May Be Sabotaging Your Happiness

It is very difficult to take risks when you have a mental illness or mood disorder.  But how will you know what you can do unless you try?  Look at it this way, everything you do or do not do, for that matter, is a risk.  Doing nothing means you are forfeiting your chance at happiness.  Movement in the direction of our goals, however seemingly futile, ups our odds for at least some moments of happiness along the way.  Life isn't an outcome, it is a process.  And even if we never get to where we think we are going we can at least enjoy the ride.

There have been many times in my life when I have been guilty of sabotaging my happiness.  I remember the years following my youngest son's diagnosis of autism.  I would research into the wee hours of the night to find some answers.  I spent every waking moment thinking about how I could help my son.  I was using so much of my energy for caretaking that I had little energy to spend on myself.  I was sinking into a depression and had forgotten how to feel happy.  Feeling happy seemed frivolous when I had so much to do.  More so, I felt guilty for times when I did things just for me.  I felt as though I didn't deserve to feel happy. 

Another reason why we may resist happiness is that we feel we do not deserve it. 

 I think this is a common feeling for people who are living in difficult circumstances and who are caregivers for others.  It may be difficult to feel happy when one of our loved ones is having a hard time.  What I have found though, is that if we feel happy and care for ourselves then we are better able to give to our loved ones.  When we feel happy we are more likely to pass this on to others including the people who are in our care.

During my graduate school training for social work I had met many individuals who have mood disorders.  And one of the things expressed by so many of the people I met was that they worried that if they got well, their families or spouses would no longer like them. 

In some families or relationships there can be a codependence upon the "ill" individual.  When the status quo is disrupted by the person with the mood disorder becoming stronger and happier, others in the family may not be too pleased.  Of course you would think that the spouse or family would support the person in their growth but this is not always the case.  One of the greatest fears of the codependent spouse or family member is that they will no longer be needed.  People seldom operate in a vacuum.  We co-exist with other people.  When we suffer from depression, the depression does not just affect us.  It affects everyone around us.  And likewise so does the process of recovering from depression.  Some people will support us in our efforts to grow and some people will live in constant fear that we will no longer need them and push them aside.