Hi Merely me, I didnt realise that you hadnt infact been through Therapy where you went into detail about the truama and pain [re your mother R.I.P. etc and your painful childhood]. I do think its necessary to talk it out. However, years ago I did all that, talking to a chair and pretending the chair was my mother. Id come out of the hours therapy a wreck, redeyed,shaking, head pounding with emotion, then a day or two later when there would be no therapist around, the Depression would come. From all I read, its would seem that its necessary to go through a certain amount, but, at the end of the day, recovery lies in trying to UNDERSTAND where our parent/spouse or whoever was hurtful, abusive to us was coming from... healing comes with Forgiveness. Thats a tough one Merely me, one I grapple with constantly !  I believe the Cognitive is good coz its not so painful and god knows youve [weve all] been through enough pain to sink another Titanic!! It gets us to change the scripts that have been implanted in our brains, the thoughts that effect our moods. So in Cognitive therapy, you slowly [u need to really work on it] start to change the way u think about yourself, to question longheld inbuilt belief systems. I dont think [in my humble opinion] that we need to go back and over and over what is dreadfully painful stuff, particularly when you have a family and/or a physical illness to contend with too. As I said before, it has been proven now that the Cognitive approach when done correctly, is just as effective as reliving the pain.      There are times when I relive the pain in my head, I type in down on the computer,  how I felt etc, its very catharthic and as good as any therapist, best of luck with your new Therapist and do let me know how youre getting on.

I agree cognitive therapy can be both very useful and very difficult. I had to learn the hard way to stop blaming myself for everything. I truly hated myself so much I don't believe it is possible for anyone to hate anyone more - it was even to the point that I wouldn't allow me to kill myself simply because that was what I wanted and I figured I deserved all the pain and suffering I went through so I was going to make myself live on and suffer! And it doesn't help that other people can say such horrible things blaming me too: 'you need to just get over yourself' 'if you just tried harder' - basically saying it's all my fault I'm like this. I even had to block certain people out of my life because they kept reinforcing these ways of thinking that were far from helpful.

I hope cognitive therapy is working well for you. The process might be slow but it's definitely worthwhile in the end if you can break some of those more harmful thought processes, don't you think?

I understand your fear of being left a mess and broken, Merely Me, but I truly believe that if you are up for doing the work, you will make it through.  But you really, really have to trust that your therapist is going to support you when you need it - that is one thing that's made me be able to do it.  I didn't really start doing serious therapy until I was 40, even though I had been seeing a therapist before.  I don't think I was ready to know the truth before that.  My kids were a little older by then and not requiring so much of my attention, plus they were having emotional problems, as well, and I wasn't sure I could handle it all.  I think their problems triggered some of my old stuff that I thought I had dealt with earlier.

I sometimes think that one of the hardest things about doing the work is re-experiencing what it was like to be a child and I can tell you that at my ripe age, I have to struggle against feeling really ashamed that it still hurts.  But I don't think I'm going to get to compassion unless I do this and I'm finding that it's also helping me feel more compassion for others.

Thanks for all you give to everyone on this site.  It's so interesting to hear about others' experiences.  I always look forward to your shareposts.

     I guess that I use the word "learn" because I feel like that is the only positive thing I can think of to say!  I've "learned" from all of my past experiences, whether they are good or bad.  I often refer to it as "Learning From The School Of Hard Knocks".  I'm trying to find the positive in negative!  I've found that doing this is easier that being angry that it happened, or asking why did this have to happed to me. 

     Our pasts were a very unfortunate thing best left in the past, I think.  I wish that I had not experienced them.  I wish that no one would have to be a victim of bad things.  But,...one can't forget completly about these bad things from our past, because they have molded us/affected us/changed us.  Good or bad, in a positive way or a negative way, with weird quirks and all,...they have affected us!

Hi Judy, all, reading tonight here in Ireland where its Summer by the way and raining constantly and cold [like the last 3summers !] Im seeing a common thread through all of our lives... that we all had awful childhoods or something awful happen to us.. I had both. So the current Controversy over DNA and Depression being a biological thing is popping up in my mind and I'm beginning to question it again !!  What Im seeing here is alot of very brave and wounded people who have the courage to go back and look into that awful place in an effort to heal and go forward...  I'm pretty low with awful churning anxiety in my stomach at the moment so my postings may be a little disjointed. hope this makes sense.