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This time I fully agree with you Merely Me, I agree that emotional pains and inability to cope are behind much of the mental illness in our world today. Of course they may be pure biological cases no one disputes this and, moreover, mental illness always becomes partly a biological disorder as years go by.
But research clearly demonstrates that emotional pains due to trauma make up the great percentage of mental illness. I had an alcoholic father and this is the reason for my Bipolar 1 the trauma endured during childhood. He was a violent alcoholic and a child should not see or go through what I went through. This trauma cannot be cured by medication alone and if I was like Michael Jackson I too would have started to take medication to suppress my emotional pains. But I did not do this.Of course Michael had other problems such as the fact that he was a pop star and the media that tormented him.
Micheal Jackson was a talented artist even a gifted one but as far as a person he was undeveloped. He wanted love a love that was never enough since when we miss out as children we can never fill the black hole of missing love and understanding.This lack of love remains with us. It is up to us to find the strength to help ourselves, to understand what happened and to have the intelligence to save ourselves.
Michael Jackson needed a true friend to tell him off to chick him up his back side and to tell him where he was going wrong. Probably no one had the guts to do this. And it is the same on this site and Bipolar Connect. There are many Michael Jacksons here who need a good cick (in a nice way) to show them that they are following the wrong path.
Medication alone has never, and will never, fix emotional problems endured during childhood. It may mask the problems and suppress them for a while but that is it.
I like this post and it is good to find out that maybe I had misunderstood you.
Alfredo
For me Michael Jackson had so much to offer, but he was the man who refused to look into the mirror, because if he had, he would have seen what he never wanted to see which was himself. Which sometimes is what we do not want to do, guilty as charged! We have to take responsibility for what we see in that mirror and sometimes that is the hardest thing to do. I have to take responsibility for me and my actions, I can like Michael, use medicaton to dull the pain, but when it wears off the pain and problems are still there. Give me the meds, but give me the tools to work along with the meds, do not give me meds and hope that I will go away, because I probably will. Michael like most of of needed fixing, there is nothing wrong with that it get wrong when we cannot admit that we need fixing. I have always been an independent, but but having MS among other things, independence has had to go out the window, and I have been humbled, and proud of it! Michael never got the chance to figure that out as far as we know, but we wish his famiily the best! There is no shame in asking or needing help. Never forget to look at that man in the mirror, you might be surprised at who it is! sherry/smomdukes
I always enjoyed Michael's music and was sorry that he just couldn't love himself. But there's one thing I'll always remember when I hear his music. When my now 30-year-old son was 4, one evening we had guests for dinner and he and his older brother left the table. A little while later, the older one brought out a boom box after dressing up the younger one with bandanas around his head and one ankle, wearing one glove and using some device for a microphone. The older one turned on "Billie Jean" and out jumped my little autistic son into the living room, who lip synched the whole thing - it was the only time I've ever seen him dance. It brought tears to my eyes. He's embarrassed now if we bring it up, but I know he still enjoys MJ's music, especially the "Thriller" album. If it could make him dance, I know it was magic.
Judy- your post totally made me cry!!!!! I miss MJ more than I ever could have imagined... I do know that I love what all of you are writing. It's so refreshing to read educated and well-thought out posts, because I can no longer take the "haters" posts. They are rude and dimented ppl.
Here's a glimpse (quite long) into my MJ memories-
My earliest memories of Michael Jackson are from my high school years I would say, some time between 1986 and 1990. I remember feeling like the ONLY MJ fan. I'd talk so highly of him, just to get berated by, "He's weird, "He's gay"! I abhorred those words. It made me feel closer to him, even though I never even met the man who would shape so much of my personality. It was Michael Jackson; the man, the legend, the humanitarian, the best dancer/mover in the world, the purest soul and angel on earth! I say "mover" because how he danced wasn't the only thing that captivated me; it was the WAY he "moved", the way he walked, the way he swayed back and forth and side to side when he sang his mesmerizing lyrics. It was the precise placement of his fingers when he sang, the look in his eyes as he glared into the audience, and his angelic voice. It was his energy, his strength, his sex appeal-his neck, chin, eyes, lips, teeth. It was EVERYTHING! Who or what other entertainer could affect me in this way? None; no one other than MJ himself.
I remember feeling so drawn to his music so drawn to his "dance". Anything I heard on TV or any books or magazines I saw on the shelf I couldn't refrain from skimming through. I finally purchased "Moonwalk" and read it and wept as I read how pure, innocent and loving Michael was. As years past, I felt like people were judging him without knowing his life story, what he had been through. I felt he wasn't getting the love and appreciation he deserved. Eventually, I'd read about the nonsense the media wanted folks to believe; the hyperbaric chambers, the chimp, the elephant mans bones, the girls hormone pills, and I never believed ANY of it. I loved him. I believed in him and most of all I was true to him. In my heart, my mind, body and soul, I adored MJ and WAS his number one fan. I loved him so much that I wrote a letter to him some where around 15 pages long. I sent it to Katherine Jackson in Encino CA. It was returned to me. I kept it, until one day I'd add to it. I remember writing the letter, and crying even back then as young as I was. I knew nothing about love. But I knew what I felt for this man was like NO other feelings I'd ever experienced. I knew he was amazing, talented and could captivate a crowd of hundreds of thousands that was unparalleled by any other entertainer in world history. He was Michael Jackson. There will never be another.
Growing up as a dancer; it was my other passion, I'd dance like him, I'd watch his videos over and over and I'd annoy the shit out of my Dad and brothers and sisters; my mom knew my love for him, so she stayed quiet while the others berated me with the same negative bs I got from my peers at school.
I had taken dance ever since I was five, and came from a family with a musical background, so my appreciation for the performing arts was always present. I'd been a cheerleader in high school and was known- not for my grades, or the peer group I surrounded myself with, not for my looks, or my popularity; because I was just an average girl...I was known for being a dancer. My year book consisted of blurbs from class mates like, "Remember me when you're a famous dancer" or "You're gonna be the next Janet Jackson or Paula Abdul"! It was wonderful to hear, because "dance" had always been a part of me, an outlet, a vice and I loved it. I "felt" the music when I danced. It brought me to another place. This is what Michael felt, and I felt that I understood his talent and passion for "the dance." I felt like I knew Michael even though I'd never met him.
I was raised to have compassion for others and never pre-judge others and along with being a Michael Jackson fan came along with it all of the negativity that the critics felt toward him, but I listened to his music; I really listened. I read his autobiography, learned of him through his appearances, performances, videos and interviews. What I did not do was believe any of the negative press being spread about him. I learned at a young age by the guidance of a very wise woman, "Believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see." That wise woman was my mom, the woman who stayed quiet, never gave me any grief while playing those songs and videos over and over again. She knew my passion for MJ and I was only... a lowly teenager.
That same woman in 1988 was relentless in her task to get me to go see my idol. I remember as if it was yesterday. I called home during lunch and she said, "I got tickets, and guess how many?" She said she had gotten four tickets through one of those ticket selling companies and I screamed and asked a couple friends of mine to go with me. Hoping they'd say yes, it didn't shock me when they actually said they had something else to do. Yes, "something else to do". What could be more important or take precedence over seeing the number one superstar in the world in front of your eyes in the flesh? It was so sad for me, because I felt I was being judged because I WAS a fan. I did finally get a friend to come along and she didn't even seem excited. I on the other hand was in awe!
The letter:
At that moment, I knew I had to add to my letter to Michael (which I sent to Katherine and was later returned to me), an addendum if you will, because now I knew I'd be face to face with the singer. Well not face to face, but I WAS going to see him perform... live! I felt so privileged and still do having had the opportunity of a lifetime. Some fans have not been so lucky. It was my first concert (and the only one I'd ever have any interest in going to). I knew I'd find a way to get my letter to him which I wrote a couple years prior. So,
I opened it, and began to write again. Only this time I was a couple years older and much more in love with MJ. I'd make references to my "younger" self, and continue to declare my love for MJ and my desperate attempt to meet him and befriend him. The already exceedingly long letter turned into 20 pages and this time I'd bring 20 copies in sealed envelopes to the concert of my life! It was October 1988 Meadowlands Arena, presently Izod Center, East Rutherford NJ. I remember pulling into the arena parking lot. My friend, my older sister's boyfriend, and of course, my mom! How could I not expose her to this man's amazing talent? After all she was the one who made it all happen...because she knew... how badly I wanted to see him live. Cars' speakers were blaring MJ tunes. People of all ages and races were pouring out of their cars and into the arena. I distinctly remember (as a teenage girl would) a car full of high school jocks all donned in varsity letterman's jackets hopping so anxiously out of a car next to us. I remember thinking, "Ok, this is cool, and MJ's got fans of all sorts." MJ look-alikes were surrounding us as we walked to our seats. They didn't faze me. I knew Michael, and HE has that special something about him. I paid the look-alikes no mind. They couldn't compare; they WEREN'T Michael! My mind was on getting to my seat. I was about to see MJ for real, and breathe the same air he would breathe! I brought along my letters. I tossed them with all my might. God, I tried so hard. I wanted his stage crew to find one, read it and get it to Michael ASAP, and then I hoped Michael would read it and he would call me and we'd be friends for life. This is what I TRULY wanted... and I was just sixteen! I still have the tickets. I still have the t-shirt.
My Dream:
I'd have reoccurring dreams as a teen even into my twenties and thirties. It was always the same dream! Had I been attracted to Michael? Yes! Was I desperate to meet him? Yes! Did I want to be his best friend? Yes! But, my dream... my dream which occurred over and over again, the same exact dream over the years, was not about my physical attraction for Michael. It was about "the dance" and our "friendship" the one I so desperately wanted as a young girl, then teenager. And, now as a woman in my thirties, after our loss, all those feelings came crashing down on me again. I couldn't help but cry and think, "I would have maybe been able to give him that friendship he begged strangers for when he walked down the street at night in L.A".
In my dream Michael dressed in his black pants, black hat, white t-shirt, with his blue (The Way You Make Me Feel) button-down shirt over the top of it. We'd walk, skip, hop, and dance hand in hand. It was always night time, and ALWAYS in the same down-town street I knew of- nearby my hometown. As a rule, this town was filled with traffic and lights, but not in my dream; it was like a ghost town, quiet, serene, warm and the feelings in my body I can't even describe. It WAS real, at least it had felt and seemed real. I WAS his friend and boy would we be happy together dancing down the street with his hand on my shoulder. And then, I'd wake up to pure and utter heartbreak. It was a feeling of utter and heart-wrenching disappointment- that it was JUST a dream. I never told anybody what I'm about to say until a few nights ago. I was crying to my mom about my pain over HIS death and I spoke of the voice I'd hear at night sometimes since my late twenties, maybe earlier, I can't remember. I know this sounds crazy, but it's the truth...I'd lie down at night and as I'd get sleepy, I'd hear a voice. The voice was soft and it didn't sound like any voice I'd ever heard. It was something that astonished me every time it happened. The voice would simply say, in a calm, warm tone, "I love you Lori-Ann". That was it. "I love you Lori-Ann" with conviction. I tell you this because I really truly believe Michael was an angel placed on this earth. I DO believe he was a genius, an angel and special blessed soul. I really do. I tell you this also because when I listen to the lyrics to "Human Nature", I truly feel that he's talking to me, or singing about that same love and friendship I dreamt of so many nights. Or maybe I'm just crazy and selfish and just want to believe it when he says "I touch her shoulder and I'm dreaming of the street"... It's the street. The street! The street from MY DREAM in which he danced with ME! It's MY shoulder! The shoulder he touched while skipping with me and smiling his gorgeous, heavenly smile.
On June 25, 2009 I woke up in the morning and I remember saying to myself, "I had a dream about Michael Jackson. I wish I could remember what it was about!" This was strange to me because I ALWAYS remembered my dreams of Michael... because it was always the same dream! This time it wasn't; it couldn't have been, or I would've remembered. To this day I can't recall what that dream was. Why couldn't I remember this dream? That day...he died. It's crazy because other than listening to Michael's music and sharing my feelings about his musical genius with my son every now and again, I'd really not given him too much thought over the past ten years or so. But, that day, I was hit with some uncontrollable emotions. Emotions and feelings that were so strong, if you'd have seen me, you'd think I lost a close relative, best friend or soul mate. Those feelings from my teen years ALL came flooding back and there was no stopping the flood gates. I cried... every day. My summer consisted of obsessing over his passing and the circumstances surrounding his death. I'd YouTube videos, I'd blog, and I'd even Facebook my friends about it. Throughout my sorrow, I found (and they found me) some really loving Michael Jackson fans all over the world. Not only were they wonderful fans of Michael, but they were wonderful people; heartfelt, compassionate, non-judgmental and loving people. People who I'd love to have around me: These are the type of people whom I respect and admire. We still stay connected, with Michael at the center of our network and newfound friendships. I'm still in shock and can't seem to come to grips with his passing. I know it's insane. I ALSO know that Michael Jackson has impacted millions of people around the globe the same way he did me. So is it really that insane? Michael left an indelible mark in people's minds and hearts once they saw him live. There's no way people could not leave his show unchanged forever. He draws you in and from there you...fall in love...forever.
That same night, the day Michael Jackson died, I went to lay down in my bed like I always had, except this time, I was tired...tired from crying profusely all day, tired from feeling like I'd lost my lover, friend, soul mate, the most amazing soul in the world... and... I heard... the voice... "I love you Lori-Ann"...and it was more loud, clear and crisp than I had EVER heard...Oh my God! Something hit me. I realized, I realized as CRAZY as it sounds ... it was Him, it was Michael... all along... telling me he loved me...Oh my God, it was Michael! I can't describe to you the feeling I felt, I JUST KNEW. Did I question my self? Yes! Did I think I was just crazy and my sadness surrounding his death was taking its toll on me? Yes! But in my heart, I believe it WAS him. Do you ever get a feeling like that? So strong, so pivotal? I just knew...and I cried. I really wanted to believe that it WAS him speaking to me.
Since that night, I have not heard the voice. The only thing I can think of is- it was HIS way to say Good-bye to ME. I'd heard it for so many years and always wondered who or what the significance of this voice was. Now, I heard it like never before...and for the last time. Good Bye Michael, I love you too.
His Lost Childhood:
It's been six months since Michael died, and my feelings are still so profound that I am at a loss as to how to deal with this. I've thought of creating a video to share with the world online of my feelings surrounding his death and his lost childhood. I even thought of getting a tattoo of MJ; something I'd never even conceive of prior. His death hit me so hard, as it did millions of fans all over the world. I can't stop obsessing over his death and the circumstances surrounding it. When "This is It" was released, I couldn't see it. I just couldn't bring myself to the theater. I finally saw it the last night it was in theaters. I forced myself to go. I felt that I couldn't withstand it, that my emotions, my desperate need for him to be here again would take over and I'd cry and feel so distraught again; I couldn't face my sadness and I was afraid my feelings would take over and I'd cry. I didn't want to feel that much pain again, or at least I didn't want to open up the floodgates...again. So I avoided going to see This is It...for as long as I could. Then, I knew if I hadn't gone, I'd be disappointed later on. I think the realization that there is no other, never was and NEVER will be anyone like MJ again on this earth is so scary, it hurts so badly because he was so pure and so amazing, so phenomenal. But not only that, what's most traumatizing for me is when I think about his lost childhood. I think how hard it must have been to be 9-10 years old in a car on a way to a club, bar or lounge and sleeping (because that's what kids do at 11pm) and have to hear his father say to him "Wake up, get up there and you better do your best, you better not screw up"! It hits home with me because I have a 10 yr old- who gets a good night sleep, has routines, security, has opportunities to go the park, have play-dates and sleepovers with friends, go to Sunday school and read stories with me at home before bedtime and have snacks, involved in cub scouts and learn about basics/values young boys should learn about and Michael NEVER had that chance. My son plays on travel basketball while... Michael was up till 4am rehearsing with his brothers afraid not to get whipped by his father should he make a misstep. Up till 4am performing while drugs, alcohol and sex surrounded the stage. My son gets to go to the movies, but Michael couldn't because he'd be mobbed by thirty-something year-old women even at the ripe age of 11. My son gets to go to school and learn along with his peers and feel a sense of belonging to his school and community, while Michael had to perform at all hours of the morning and be bombarded with adult-like responsibilities...as a... "child". I can't help but think, "HOW can people judge him if they haven't lived his life and lost their childhood the way he did?" Michael missed so many years, ALL the formative years and developmental stages of his life. He missed out on just being a... "kid". God, why did he have to lose those years, those detrimental years? It's no wonder Michael had insomnia; he never had a full night's rest. All of these patterns of behavior were established at a young age. I would NEVER put my 9 year-old on stage in a bar filled with smoke, drugs, and alcohol and half-naked girls dancing in front of him at 2am!
And I have to say that even though Michael is so special to us and he's left such a legacy and he's a phenomenon and a child prodigy, I wish he never had to suffer the way he did and endure what the "haters" and media put him through. They know none of what we fans and his loved ones know of Michael, and THEY never will. They'll continue hating, being the heartless, critical, judgmental people that I so purposefully never surround myself with, because I've no respect for people like that.
Michael, you were so unselfish to give to US, the world, your fans and yes, the children of the world. I think about how you were conditioned at a young age to be "the best" and wow crowds and it's so sad that that's ALL you knew and that's why you were most comfortable on stage...Because that's ALL you knew...to give of your heart and soul.
Michael, I and so many fans ask themselves "Why does he do me that way"? I really can't help but think, it's because you had no control over your charisma, genius and spirit. I believe whole-heartedly that you did us this way because you were and will always remain our Angel on earth.
I love you Michael.
Lori-Ann Eorio
Will be remembered for a long time. He is a proven artist time and again. I would have loved to met him and just talk to him, maybe learn what truelly made him different from so many. I think that aside from that society gets a little too star crazy and puts someone like michael way to high on the ladder. I didnt know Michael personally so I'm not going to call him a call him something that the press blows out of proportion. I think that everyone has a responsibility. I mean I wouldnt let my child stay the night at his house. That is giving in to a really odd situation and being ignorant
Pat
I don't usually have comments for websites, but I am so sad by the passing of Michael Jackson, I just had to make a remark. From what I have read and seen about Michael as a young child and then into his teen and young adult life is the same everywhere. It talks about his father Joe physically abusing him and verbally abusing him about his appearance and God only knows what else. No one that I have heard has ever brought up the question of whether Michael may also have been sexually abused. I mean like child molestation. He was so very cute, and exposed to many adults and many situations growing up. I wonder if something may have occured to him on one occasion or possibly ongoing situations by adult males in his life.(or just one ongoing significant male?) This MAY have caused Michaels seemingly depressed state. I've seen his face in so many pictures, and he just looks sad. This may also be the reason that he wanted to be around young boys when he grew up. He may have been acting out some kind of fantasy over and over, about how he would have wanted to be treated. It could also explain why he never seemed to be able to have a relationship with women. He could have been made to feel so guilty about sex he didn't know which way to go sexually. I myself was sexually molested as a young child and it effected me my whole life. Different ways of acting towards relationships etc. some depression, etc. I've also had addiction issues throughout my adult life, mostly with alcohol and cigaretes, but in it's own way has slowly been killing me like addiction killed Micheal. I know in my heart that what I was doing was bad for me, but it didn't seem to matter because my heart was so hurt by things that happened to me in life. I wonder if the same thing happened to Michael? Life can be a heavy thing to some people, especially those with tender hearts. Thank you
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I loved Michael, from the Jackson 5 right up till the end. I absolutely adored him. I never believed he was guilty of child abuse, simple because he was too much of a child himself, he seemed to be trying to create the childhood,the innocence he never experienced, I believe he as asexual. Or, at best, confused. Emulating his sister via numerous dangerous Plastic Surgery procedures was a symptomfor me. I think like Maryln Monroe,and other 'Icons' when he got the adulation of the Fans, the success he craved, he simply could not cope with it, and withdrew, more and more into himself.
It was not a panacea for a horrible childhood, thrown into showbiz at such an early age. Not allowed to be 2nd best or fail. I believe he did not realise his true genius or talent, and most of all, his vulnerability and his loveability. Michael, though that he needed to look a certain way, to be at the top of the charts etc, to be loved. His attempts at relationships, were sadly flawed. Those who knew him, loved him.
there is a lesson for me here, there is a lesson for anyone who runs away from pain, emotional distress via tablets,alcohol, or endless affairs, materialism, at the end of the day... when the glitter is gone and the make-up is off... theres only us, and the man in the mirror. god bless u Michael
i enjoyed michael's music from "ben" to "do you remember the time?". that's a lot of changes!sometimes i didn't know what to think about michael but he definately was child like & needed help.don't we all? i tried to write on another page about him & it didn't work.i hope this 1 does.his music will live on & please every1 remember he was a man.in life he was stressed to be more than any1 could be.
Janet youre so right, an Icon publically but just a man, with needs, insecurities, [more than anyone knew] fears of failure, I believe the Court case took the guts out of him. I dont know if the Media have it right, but to be found dead weighing only 8stone and Bald and half his face concave because of greedy Surgeons who couldnt say 'No' to the Money. I think it shows that changing the outside, outside appearances, success, talent, money, are no guarantee of Happiness if we lose touch and isolate ourselves and more importantly, like so many others,Elvis,Maryln etc if we dont LOVE ourselves.
I think Paul Bradys song says it all 'Answer is, Nobody knows' Like u i loved Ben and then as he changed styles, Rock with you, thriller etc., I always wanted to get up and dance to michael,hes left me with a natural Antidepressant,his music, for that Im grateful.
what is 8 stone in lbs?american pounds.i thought since he looked frail for years he might have an eatting disorder.my sister does.she's finally looking better after more than 30 years!!!!!did any1 else think michael looked fragile?
Janet, we still use Stones and lbs here, 1 stone is 14lbs x 8. Anorexic, Id say. they found no food in his autopsy, just tablets in his system and he got that painkiller on an empty stomach !! God love him. In the end,he was basically, on his own. Starving himself and relying on Wigs to cover a bald, malnourished body, plus the awful effects of Cosmetic Surgery and pushing himself too hard [physically] dancing etc, he damaged his back, hence his addiction to demerol. [Morphine]. I dont thinkhe wouldhave been able for the huge tour.By the way. I sometimes turn off the laptop for a day so if I dont answer u its because i havent been online. Stay well. Michael made us both happy andhis music lives on. Seemingly he gave quietly, alot to Charity. The poor lonely guy. its so sad and lessons for us here to learn, to reach out, ask for help