Hello,

 

I want some help and advice... I've been loving someone (a long distance relationship) for almost 2 years now. I really love him and I want to have a relationship with him, but he keeps putting me off and telling me that he can't have a relationship because he was going through a divorce and didn't want to fail at a relationship again (he's been divorced twice). I've been honest and straightforward with him and told him the truth about how I feel about him, and he's still reluctant, even though he has feelings for me.

 

What do you think? I really want to be with him? Do you think he can do it?

 

Thanks

My first experience with a therapist/psychiatrist was wonderful. I was refered by my ObGyn after a experience with a miscarriage and subsequent health issues following.  He actually refered me to a therapist in a group and sent my medical history (with his clinic, with my consent) and she looked it over and suggested I see a psychiatrist that also did therapy.  He was very good at diagnosing and she thougt it would be more beneficial to me to see him. Which it was.  Until he retired.  I started to go to a new psychiatrist who refered me to a therapist in the clinic.  He was nice, I made progress for a while.  He had me in a group for anxiety and did wonders. I saw him one on one, and I felt he did the "too much information" of his own experience.  So, I stopped seeing him.  I was hospitalized for depression and was picked up by another pshychiatrist in the same clinic, but different building. He suggested I see a therapist, and I did, but I think both of us knew it was not a good fit in the first meeting. She suggested I go into a group for Bi-polar's.  The therapist who did the group was wonderful. I asked to see her one on one and she took me on.  I was with her for about 3 years. Until she retired.  So, I tried someone in private practice, she was good at first, until she found out I was adopted and wanted to work on my "abandonment issues".  I have always known I was adopted. I didn't/don't have a problem with being adopted. So I dumped her.  After no therapy for a while, I went back to the big clinic practice, and found someone I thought would be good, until she found out I get migraines. Then it was all about that, how I should attend the headache school her and a neuologist ran. So I dumped her.  I have been seeing a psychiatrist in private practice now, and she suggests therapy, and she has given me names of therapists to try out, but I just haven't had the motivation to do it.  My husband has been after me to make an appointment, but he has seen me go through therapists and kind of understands how difficult it is to find one that fits.  I feel like finding a therapist is trying to find "Mr./Mrs. Right".  I know what I want and need, and what I don't want or need.  Seems like I keep finding the wrong people.  Ugh! I know that therapist is out there, but finding him/her is frustrating!  I feel like it takes a few sessions to get comfortable, and then that is when I start to realize, this person cannot help me.  So, find a new one, go to a few sessions, and hope that this time, I find the right fit.

 

  I went to see a therapist because I feared I had cancer, in addition to this I was off work without pay for three months recovering from an injury.  I had to move from our Townhome of five years because my landlord didn't accept partial payments, I have an autistic daughter and the move had put stress on her.  I went into a huge depression during this time and in addition I was dealing with constant pain from the injury.

 

  I went to see my new therapist and at first he was very helpful, he said the basic "think positives" and told me to try to relax.  I thought,"Geeze I wonder why I hadn't thought of that?" Next he starts telling me that he also had medical problems and his bills were in collections, he kept saying how important it was to pay the bills.  I was upfront that I couldn't pay more than forty dollars for the next 3 months because I had lost everything, he agreed to see me anyway.  After that he said I was in danger of a "nervous breakdown" and had to see him every day for the first week and then once a week after that.  I said I worried about how I might pay him, he said don't worry about it, he could wait. I started seeing him around July 10th, I am writing this August 30.

 

  During my last session I waited two weeks before the next appointment, this upset him and I knew it was because he couldn't run up my bill.  I arrive to the appointment trying to explain that my memory was becoming severely impaired from sleep depravation after I returned to work, I work nights.  The medications I use to help me sleep were not solving the problem and maybe making my memory worse, I told him I felt my life was in a mess because basic things like finding keys and closing doors were becoming problems.

 

  Out of the blue he says,"your life IS a mess and you blame everyone else, you think there is a magic wand that will make life better.  Life is unfair and it will always be unfair and sometimes tragic, there is nothing you can do about it.  You think things are getting better when you are not making appointments and now you don't even pay your bills?  After all I've done for you I expect you to pay me something!"  I asked why he never billed me an invoice or why he never submitted an insurance claim and he says,"Well I don't know what kind of insurance you have, they probably won't pay me either and now my medical bills are going into collections because of it."  I totally freaked out and told him forget getting anymore appointments out of me, that he was a nut!

 

  Now I am seeing someone else and waiting to see what kind of charges this guy puts on me, he really hurt my feelings and if I was feeling depressed before, I left his office feeling really bad because I didn't have anyone to talk to anymore about my fears of cancer.  He never once asked me about my cancer, he only talked about himself.

 

  Buyer beware,

 

 Anonymous

I had a therapist as a marriage counselor, who was also seeing my husband as an individual.  He initially worked hard to gain my trust. However, as time went on he became abusive, screaming at me during sessions, refusing to listen to me, blaming me for all the problems in our marriage. My husband knew how to push his buttons, and I think would tell him things that just made him crazy.Since neither one of them would discuss what exactly I was supposed to have done to deserve this abusive behavior, I don't really know what was going on.

I finally walked out and refused to go back. We see a very good professional marriage counselor now, who refuses to take sides and is very fair. But, I still have a lot of anger towards this therapist, I wonder why I didn't walk out a lot sooner. And I am angry with my husband for manipulating this guy. But lately, I have started to developa sense of humor about it. And I think it's like the Aesop's tale "Any excuse will do for a bully".

What's amazing is the idea that someone who was as dominating and controlling as this guy has managed to stay working in therapy. And believes he is good at it- when he's a total incompetent.

 

 

Any advice or thoughts... What if the bad therapist is your husbands? He ignored his primary goals and is pursing his own agenda instead. The therapist self publishes books and has asked my husband if he could quote him in his next book. They are a mutual admiration society and my husband is getting markedly worse. I feel like all they do is sit around for 45 minutes stroking each others ego's. Well that and assassinating my character. It got so bad I threatened to divorce my husband because he has become verbally abusive towards me. I begged him to discuss his decline with his therapist and to his credit he did bring it up. The therapist completely ignored the concern, and suggested I am trying to undermine him. My husband seems to agree, which doesn't surprise me since he has agreed 100% with everything this guy has ever said to him, which includes diagnosing him with an anxiety disorder with zero testing. My husband never exhibited anxiety symptoms before this, now he does constantly. I've benefited from good therapy and I have been subjected to two really bad therapists. One was a marriage counselor that was seeing my husband individually as well. I should have known better. Actually I do know better, but she offered the marriage counseling at no extra charge so I figured it was worth a try. We only met five times, she kept trying to get me to take responsibility for my husbands problem. He was addicted to prescription pills and she thought we should deal with it by me keeping them away from him. I don't mind doing that but the problem all along was he was sneaking them from me behind my back. His breaking open a safe to get at them became my fault because I didn't buy a strong enough safe! When he said so in a session and she agreed with him I knew I had a problem. He quit seeing her on his own, but he has told me he likes his current guy so I have no hope of that. So how do you open someone's eyes to the fact that their therapist shouldn't be their buddy, ought to be able to state treatment goals three months in, and should have some answer when you tell them your spouse sees new harmful behaviors and a general decline in your day to day mental state? How do you tell someone that if they never question anything their therapist says, and their therapist never challenges anything they say, that is a problem? Or that the fact that you have not been open with them about your history suggests you don't trust them as much as you claim to... I'm looking for a good therapist for myself to help me decide if a lawyer is in my future. Maybe that is all I can do, but I would love any suggestions. Once upon a time we had a great marriage, I really miss it.