My Depression Connection Question of the Week!

its the pressure to be "perfect".

Perfection is a fantasy.

Its also a mental health problem.Woman and girls look to that because they want to fit in.

Society(media) is forcing their opinion of acceptance.

Its a crooks game ,Most of the media wants money.

They don't care who they hurt

Jon

Personally, I am glad to see more realistic-sized models in the media because I do think women really can't help but feel like failures if they don't meet such levels of thinness.  It's easy for people who don't have a weight problem to think it's all a matter of self-discipline.

All of my life, I have struggled with weight - my mother says I was born fat, so guess I didn't stand a chance!  Sometimes I look back at pictures from when I was a kid and there were times when I was definitely not overweight, but was never thin enough.  As I got older, I tried this diet, that diet, one doctor put me on amphetamines which made me lose a little weight but mostly made me feel crazy.  When I was pregnant with my first child, I would dread going in for my prenatal checkups because the doctor made me feel like gaining anything was a crime.  I actually was pregnant for 10 months and only gained 29 pounds because I practically starved myself the whole time.  Eventually, I gave up trying to lose, had another child, gained more weight and just tried not to think about it.

About six years ago, I started having dreams about being thin.  I was tired of being tired, feeling ugly, feeling like I was being judged by how I looked, so about 4 years ago I had gastric bypass surgery and lost 100 lbs., leveling off at about 96 lbs. which stayed off for two years without doing much other than just eating what I could tolerate and sticking to the "plan."  The past two years, it's a struggle again, I've gained a few pounds back and it's all I can do to not panic about gaining it all back.  My first thought was that, of course, who am I to think I could ever look good for long and my inherent ugliness would ensure that I get back to right where I was before.  I broke down and even started exercising, which made no difference.   Now, I'm trying to make peace with where I'm at and push out the thoughts I get about being a failure and deserving of nothing.  I figure I'm still way better off than I was before and realize that I have to pay attention to what I eat and I will never have a fast metabolism.   Of course, I have the advantage of being old enough now that there's no way I could begin to think I could look like a magazine cover model!

I look around me when I'm out shopping or whatever and you know what?  There are very few people that are that stick thin, really.  I'm not saying it should be okay to be overweight to the point of it being a threat to your health, but it kind of irks me that they call a size 12 a "plus" size.  Give me a break.  I know what plus size is, I've been there and it's not a 12.  I was delighted to be able to buy clothes in that size.

Even when you lose the weight, I don't know if you ever get over feeling "fat."  I did realize that the weight was a kind of protection for me because of things that happened to me, but it's kind of sad when people have to despise themselves for it because of standards set by others, especially women.  Oh, and then we find out that stress causes us to produce cortisol, which makes you put on weight, which makes you feel even more stressed!  Help!!  I think anyone with a weight problem has to figure out his or her own way of dealing with it, not everything works the same for everyone (just like our antidepressants!).  We should do everything we can to be healthy and for many, that won't include wearing a size 2 jeans!

My wife has always been self conscious of her weight. It didn't help that on several occasions I used her size as a reason for lack of interest in the sex dept. when it was actually my fear of intimacy. The emphasis that is put on sex in our society is all money based and beauty is not just skin deep. If everyone looked at what image they are projecting then life might be simpler and the media might not be such a big issue.

Pat

Hi Merely Me (and everyone else),

Your comments on body image and self esteem caused me to take a "memory" tour of various life stages and different weights.  I feel like I've run the gammet on weight control and lack of weight control.  I was pleased to see the woman in the Glamour Magazine.  I'm 56 now and in my twenties it was critical to keep my weight down, but I actually felt ok as a size 12-14.  I was very active, so that helped.  Why critical?  Self image, sexual attraction (I got more dates), acceptance by others.  It all seemed to work for me in many ways.  When I got married I stayed in good shape, and it even affected how I felt at work.  Then I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, and the massive steroids for flare ups caused me to gain weight - a lot of weight over time.  Plus I was less active and depressed.  What a setup for weight gaining.  My husband always accepted me - I went to a size 18, and my self image plummeted.  Now I've lost 24 pounds, but my goal is for better health, and I realize, it's ok to have my self-image boosted - so long as my perspective is reasonable.

It is great to see some realistic views of women rather than the media falsely creating images of what women should look like.  It's almost appears that many of the women who buy this magazine are seeking their own self esteem through mental images of themselves being thin and "having fun".  It's a subliminal message to make money, I think.  Too bad I didn't know that at twenty years of age (hah)!.  I,ve enjoyed all the comments I've read so far.  Gina

I've been on the figure admiring end of the weight issue for several decades. I don't respond much to magazine models' photo's, but I do appreciate a shapely woman on the thin side. When I was 12-40? the "ideal" pictured woman held too much sway in my thinking on beauty. I still need to avoid the adult plethora of web sites, dating sites, and photo sites having no discretion. I digress, weight to height proportions do matter in conveying beauty. Healthy weight to height also resonates beauty. Thin is still my preference, because I like to see a woman's frame push on her surface a little, but a pound or two (or 25) over ideal is certainly the norm. Over the weight to height ratio of healthy connotes laxness in exercise. Unhealthy is not beautiful. Americans are mostly grossly overweight. My state MI ranks highest in obesity. If this is too free wheeling for your taste ... sorry. I think I speak for a large percentage of men, though, who prefer the thinner side of the weight issue, because shapely does not equate with broadness. This is saying nothing about personality, or poise. We all have friends, because their personality shines beyond their skin. But when selecting a women for an advertisement

in a magazine, less (plumpness) is more, in general. As a graphic designer and cinematography student, slightly round produces a more pleasing photo image than

baggy round. People who have inherited weight to height problems are in great number I'm sure, but that doesn't change my perception of mere physical beauty.

I thought about not commenting. After all I am thin and people often want to dismiss me, saying what do I know when it comes to weight problems. I do know that I put on weight once and that made me feel very uncomfortable and so I strove to lose it - I have problems with aches and pains and stomach upsets though thin but when I was overweight for me I was very uncomfortable in and of myself, just getting around. I didn't like it and so decided to do something about it. Don't get me wrong I know I was lucky that I was able to shed that unwanted weight, others find it more difficult and it is part of my genetics to be on the thinner side so I'm not trying to say those who are overweight (or feel overweight - sometimes people's right size is with curves, we do need to keep this in mind because for them it is unhealthy to see bones) are lazy or anything, I'm just saying I was uncomfortable and worked hard and was glad that I managed to loose that excess weight. 

I understand it's easy to have it get out of your control (I didn't choose to put on that weight in the first place) and I understand what people say about the pressure put on women about being the ideal weight (my cousin suffers from anorexia) but weight isn't everything. I have felt butt ugly whilst being thin. I have had guys following me loudly commenting on how I have no arse so I'm ugly. I've been called surfboard cause I had no curves. There were jokes about me being blown away. And then on top of that I had to put up with people's jealousy because I'm the weight they think they want to be. I think it's just a case of the grass is always greener on the other side personally.

The goal should be to feel healthy not aim for a dress size.

As for magazines I think all sizes should be represented. Have those with curves but don't bitch at those who are thin. Some of us are just born that way, you know, just like some are born with more weight.

I used to worry constantly about how I was viewed by other people and drew conclusions about myself from that. It was self destructive behavior. Was I tall enough? thin enough? pretty enough? I have been at the point where I looked in the mirror and saw a very ugly person that shouldn't go out in public. 

The media had a lot to do with this. Ads showing models with perfect everything. I usually felt inadequate physically and therefore I dismissed the intelligence I knew I possessed. I thought that nobody could possibly get past my physical appearance to find I was a pretty smart person. 

Karen Carpenter, the lady with an unmatched voice obsessed about her weight for years because of one comment made by a reporter that referred to her as "chubby". She wasn't.

I also developed Anorexia Nervosa as Karen did.  I had no appetite and took a lot of speed in high school to make sure I didn't want to eat.  I was afraid one meal would turn me into an obese girl that nobody would ever want as a friend. I had a lot of friends but many were model material.

It took a suicide attempt and many, many months with an outstanding counselor to catch a glimpse of the real me. I took that and really worked hard to see myself as a person worthy of being in public and having pretty friends. 

Mine was all tied to Major Depressive Disorder. The cause of this was child abuse. Physical and Psychological. My parents continue to be abusive to this day and I will be 50 years old soon.

Oprah Winfrey once commented that "White women obsess about their weight and black women obsess about their hair." The fact is that many of us obsess about something to do with our bodies. This is learned behavior. It can be unlearned but you need a medical doctor to help you.

If you are obsessed about your weight, your hair, your eyes, you height or anything else and it is interfering with your life and the choices you make. Please see your doctor. I hope he/she will help you and also direct you to a counselor, psychologist or therapist that will help you to love and understand the beautiful person that your are.